The Weather Man Page #6

Hey, calm down, man!

I have to see my family!

I have to see...

- Hello?

- Hello? Dave?

- What?

- It's Mark Dersen from Hello America.

Hi, Dave.

- Take care.

- Okay.

Noreen.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Shelly looks nice.

We bought that in New York.

Yeah, I know. That's why I said it.

It's very nice.

Noreen, I got offered the show.

Hello America with Bryant Gumbel.

Well, that's great.

- Are you gonna take it?

- I'm thinking about it.

It's a pretty substantial salary,

and you know the venue. It's big.

It's a pretty big salary jump, I guess.

$1.2 million all in, Noreen.

Can we think about that?

What?

What that kind of change

could be like for everybody.

Mike, Shelly, you know?

If we thought about trying again.

Dave, I'm marrying Russ.

Accuracy equals focusing on a point.

Gravity pulls an inch a yard.

You point up.

But you have to factor in wind...

But you have to factor in wind...

which is the most difficult part.

Noreen.

I had to go in anyway.

It was time for my speech.

And that's what I know

about Robert Spritzel.

Forbearance, charity, wisdom.

There are too few like him.

And now Robert's son, David.

Good afternoon.

Many of you came

from long distances...

and I know I speak for my mom

and Noreen...

and my family, Mike and Shelly,

when I say thank you.

When I think of my dad,

I think of Bob Seger's Like a Rock.

And then the power went out.

Then, when the lights came back on

in 40 minutes...

everyone had pretty much forgotten

that I was talking...

and we never finished

that part of the thing.

So my speech was,

"When I think of my dad...

"I think of Bob Seger's Like a Rock."

That's all I said

at my dad's living funeral...

something about Bob Seger.

You've reached 272-7638.

Please leave a message.

Dave, it's Mark Dersen

from Hello America.

Can you give me a call back?

I called a couple of times Friday...

and I'm wondering

why you haven't called me back.

If I need to move down on my list,

look, I need to know. Okay?

It's not "Hello, you know,

whatever, Orlando."

Look. I'm still jacked about you, Dave.

I just need to hear from you.

Give me a call.

Your phone's ringing.

I know.

Why aren't you getting it?

It's the Bryant Gumbel thing.

So why aren't you getting it?

Did you bring that stuff?

It's by the door.

You should get it.

F***.

It was a McDonald's hot apple pie.

They're not kidding.

It was hot.

The other thing that gets to people...

that leads to pies, I guess...

are these catch phrases

we're required to use...

to single the program out.

It gets under people's skin.

Spritz Nipper.

But the whole thing about all of it...

all the getting hit with stuff...

the whole thing is, who gets hit

with a f***ing pie, anyway?

Did anyone ever throw a pie

at Thomas Jefferson?

Or Buzz Aldrin? I doubt it.

But this is like the ninth time I got...

Clowns get hit with pies.

- F***!

- I'm Mike's father! Here's your sh*t!

I saw you buy this at the mall

on North Avenue!

And I'm telling the cops, too!

So you can cut your crap

about Mike jacking your wallet!

He's just a kid. See!

He looks grown, but he's just a kid!

You f***ing a**hole.

I mean,

I'll bet no one ever threw a pie at, like...

Harriet Tubman, the founder of

the Underground Railroad.

I'll bet you a million f***ing dollars.

The first time I was struck

with something...

a chicken breast from Kenny Rogers...

I was standing next to a garbage pail.

I thought it might've been an accident,

that they were throwing it out.

The second time,

it hit me square on the chin...

a soft taco.

Then, pop.

A falafel.

McNuggets.

Always fast food.

Fast food.

Sh*t people would rather throw out

than finish.

It's easy. It tastes all right...

but it doesn't really provide you

any nourishment.

I'm fast food.

Hey.

Hey.

- Did you see him?

- Yeah.

Am I gonna get in trouble?

I didn't do anything.

You're not in trouble. I took care of it.

I got on him.

I let him know

we're not messing around.

I whaled on him.

What?

I caught him one clean one for sure,

on the forehead...

and then I f***ing whaled on him.

Seriously?

He's not going to say you stole anything,

and you're not in trouble.

- What are you eating?

- Corn dog.

You're a kid, Mike. F***.

- I'm not a kid.

- You are a kid.

Don't put yourself in grown-up situations

again until you're a grown-up.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Yeah.

- Do you want me to get you a corn dog?

- What? No.

What do you want?

Nothing.

Weatherman!

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah.

I just wanted you to...

What?

I was eighteen

Didn't have a care

Working for peanuts

Not a dime to spare

But I was lean and solid everywhere

Like a rock

I don't really get it.

Am I following it?

It was just a lead up

to other things I wanted to say.

Here's the part.

And I held firm

To what I felt was right

Like a rock

I wanted to talk about that part...

about you.

That's like you.

I was strong as I could be

Like a rock

I got the job.

New York?

That's terrific.

That's a remarkable income.

That's more money than I ever made,

that salary.

Yeah.

That's quite

an American accomplishment.

Thanks.

Are you okay?

I can't knuckle down.

Noreen's marrying Russ.

There's nothing

to knuckle down on, so...

I can't f***ing knuckle down.

Your hand.

I just saw Mike's counselor.

Mike mentioned that you

were gonna fix this business up.

He's in no trouble?

Good job.

Your hand okay?

It's okay.

- You certain?

- Don't worry.

You always worry about your kids...

no matter how old.

There's always looking after.

I read your book.

F***.

I was going to do some more work on it,

then I chucked it.

- You chucked it.

- Garbage.

It's just what I do, David.

I've practiced and I've gotten good.

Like you and the weather business.

But I don't predict it.

Nobody does, 'cause it's just wind.

It's wind.

It blows all over the place!

What the f***?

I have to go to work.

David.

This sh*t life...

we must chuck some things.

We must chuck them...

in this sh*t life.

There's always looking after.

You have time.

Thanks.

Pretty soon after Robert's living funeral,

we had his real one.

I'm sorry for your loss.

That's a lovely thing to say to me.

Where'd you hear that?

His friends.

I'm glad one of you brought an umbrella.

I had a feeling

it was going to rain today.

You're not going to take my job,

are you?

No. I'm going to be a cameraman

for Monday Night Football.

Is that okay?

Yeah. That's good.

There are a great many

of Robert's friends here, even in winter.

I think it's because Robert was unusual.

I think that's what

brought so many of you out.

A loving husband

and father for 40 years.

And a good friend to some of you

for longer.

I'm sure that's why

we appreciated and loved Robert.

He was excellent.

Selfless.

Resolute.

I remember once...

imagining what my life would be like,

what I'd be like.

I pictured having all these qualities.

Strong, positive qualities...

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