The Wedding Date Page #2

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I'm...

Victor and I are so happy

that you're here to celebrate with us

as we welcome Edward and

the Fletcher-Wootens into our family.

We always thought that

we would marry off Kat first.

We had good reason to hope because

she was so popular with the boys at school

and we came pretty close once,

but, as you all know,

that crashed and burned.

Luckily, we were able

to get the deposit back,

so here we are again...

To the bride and groom.

Oh. Yes. Yes. Well, back

to the bride and groom to be.

Um...

Edward, we are so glad that

you fell in love with the girl next door.

Our Amy. Congratulations, babies.

Congratulations.

Jeffrey.

Hello. Kat-mandu.

Wow, you look gorgeous.

Gorgeous.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, oh, my God,

oh, my God, oh, my God! Top Kat! Ooooh!

Where the bloody hell have you been?

I have gynecologists that call more often.

- You have more than one?

- I play them off against each other.

Hello, arsehole.

Since you dumped my cousin brutally,

you won't mind if I

steal her away, will you?

Thanks.

- You didn't have to do that.

- I wasn't saving you from him,

I was saving you from yourself.

You, my love, are too bloody nice.

I've never seen so many

beautiful women in one room.

Did he bring a date?

Darling, why waste time

on that horse's arse

when Mr. Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

is waiting for you over there?

- What does he do?

- He's a therapist.

- The perils of paranoia.

- Yes.

Oh, God. I think I've just come.

Thank you.

Can I have that?

Hm.

Thank you.

You know what I love about all this, Kat?

There's finally a reason for

the world to revolve around you?

Exactly.

- There you are.

- How's the future missus?

I'm perfect, I'm all ginny.

Thanks, Snufflepop.

Mmm! Mm-mm-mm!

Wow!

Am I not the luckiest bastard on earth?

Aw! Well, I'll dance to that.

- Oh!

- Oh, Jesus!

That's what he gets

for not taking dance lessons

until two days before the wedding.

Who's ever heard of

dance lessons for a wedding?

Just about everyone.

You are taking the piss?

We'll go with you.

I don't even know you, hunky dunky,

and I love you already.

Dance lessons? Hm. Right.

- Hey.

- Oh. Hello.

Weddings are a celebration

of love and commitment...

in Utopia.

In the real world they're an excuse to drink

excessively and say things you shouldn't.

- A philosopher, huh?

- Well, shrink.

- Crikey!

- What?

- No, nothing.

- No, tell me.

Well, you Yanks and your therapy,

it's a load of touchy-feely mumbo jumbo.

Spilling your guts to a total stranger,

it's not natural.

Oh, God.

It's just...

There's this girl that I care for...

Well, I suppose you could say I love her.

The bugger is,

she's here with some other guy.

There you are.

Hey, Kat. Hey, Kat.

Oh, hey, yourself. I see you met my ex.

- I was just telling him how we met.

- Mm.

- The Knicks game.

- Oh, yes.

Yeah... Oh.

You hate sport.

- I hate cricket.

- Right, yes.

Well, I should go and... go.

He looks miserable.

- What were you talking about?

- He seems a little drunk

but I think he's still crazy about you.

- Do I know you from somewhere?

- No.

What did he say? You don't...

You don't think he wants me back?

# Love started making sense

# I always make mistakes at my expense

# Love has placed a seed

# And you're the sun

that shines down upon me

# Yeah, when we are together

# And when we are apart #

Are you OK?

- Here we are.

- Thank God!

- Oh!

- Thanks, Mom.

- There you are, darling.

- Thanks, Dad.

God!

- Thanks again for having me. - Don't

be silly. It's wonderful to meet you.

Although technically,

I never knew you existed.

- Come on, Bunny.

- I love surprises.

Where's Nick sleeping?

My mother has this rule about sharing

when there's no ring involved...

- Don't be silly.

- What?

I am not as small-town

as my daughter seems to think.

Sorry about this.

I went through a painfully

earnest floral phase.

Air Supply?

Oh. My parents had a German

exchange student a few years back.

He must have left it here.

Everyone knows their greatest hits.

Some of their lesser-known ballads

are surprisingly poignant.

Is that an old habit from ballet class

or from a lifetime of walking on eggshells?

I never took ballet.

How'd you know that was me?

I have a friend at the magazine.

So much for anonymity.

Go ahead, take a look.

It's part of the package.

I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous.

I never thought anything like this

could happen to me.

This happened to you?

It happened in the sense that

I picked up the phone, tracked you down,

flew you over her and gave you $6,000.

- Will you grab my shampoo, please?

- Shampoo! Got it.

# I'm all out love,

I'm so lost without you

# I know you were right,

believing for so long

# I'm all out of love,

what am I without you?

# I can't be too late

to say that I was so wrong #

The part where you were

a sexual surrogate and then started to...

branch out, is...

Is that really how it happened?

The real story -

my mother was a hippie, and a stripper.

She was insanely inappropriate with me,

she washed her lingerie

in my bath water while I was still in it.

Oh.

So as an adult, I needed to find ways

to experience intimacy and sex

- but with rules that couldn't be violated.

- Wow.

I'm just screwing with you.

You sh*t.

OK, this part.

You say, and I quote,

"Every woman has

the exact love life she wants."

That seems a broad generalization... Oh!

Oh.

Do you honestly believe that

I want to be single and miserable?

Do you think that I want to be hung up

on some guy who led me on for years

and out of the blue shattered my heart?

First of all, there's no such thing

as out of the blue.

And second of all, yeah.

- What?

- When you're ready to let go,

to be un-single and un-miserable,

you will.

Till then...

So when you were talking to Jeffrey before,

how did he sound?

Like a harmless, self-absorbed toolbox.

Seriously.

He sounded tormented.

Tormented? How?

Like he's...

jealous that I'm here

with someone else, or like...

he regrets throwing away

our life together?

It's just that...

this hasn't really turned out

the way that I thought it would.

Hey, Nick.

Oh-oh-oh!

He seems more mature.

Run, you fat tart! Come on.

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop,

shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop #

Come on, throw it. Throw it!

# You'll look at me,

and even though I know... #

- Well played, darling.

- Ed!

What?

# One fine day... #

- Are you ready, TJ?

- Bugger off.

# You're gonna want me for your girl

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop

# Oh, yeah #

All right, batter, batter.

# The arms I long for will open wide

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop

# And you'll be proud to have me

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop

# Right by your side

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop

# One fine day

# You're gonna want me for your girl

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop #

- Move back.

- Yeah.

# Though I know you're the kind of boy... #

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