The Wedding Date Page #3

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Come on, Kat.

- # Who only wants to run around #

- Batter up.

- You're up, Kat.

- # I'll be waiting... #

Go, Kat.

# Someday, darling, you'll come to me

# When you want to settle down, oh! #

Be nice to me, Jeffrey.

# One fine day, we'll meet once more

# Shoo be do be do be do be do wop wop #

- Out!

- Yes!

# One fine day... #

Lose the game.

# You're gonna want me for your girl #

No!

- Come on!

- Edward.

Come on!

Come on, you sexy little monkey. Come on!

- You're supposed to be helping.

- Oh, trust me. I am.

# One fine day, oh yeah

# One fine day

# You're gonna want me for your girl

# One fine day

# One fine day

# Oh yeah

# One fine day #

- What's with the socks?

- It's a golf-themed bachelorette.

Have you ever done a wedding before?

No, but I have done funerals.

An escort at a funeral? Someone's dead.

Yeah, imagine facing that alone.

Ah. Catch.

Make sure he stays on

the right side of the road.

- Which is, of course, the left.

- That's right.

So, are you ever attracted

to your clients?

I know you're curious about my business

but I really can't discuss other clients.

Come on! How many of them

want to sleep with you?

You know, I swear it's not about the sex.

It's about understanding what people need.

Please! You're like the Yoda of escorts.

Getting you on the phone

was harder than getting into college.

- No, I don't play games. No gimmicks.

- Mm-hm.

It's much more...

Subtle?

It's not about me.

It's about you.

Show me.

Come on.

Hmm... What's holding me back?

I think it's the words "morally repugnant".

Show me.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

You're safe, you can relax.

I'm not gonna kiss you.

He's gonna be so sorry he lost you.

So, stop worrying.

Forget the past.

Forget the pain.

And remember...

what an incredible woman you are.

If you do that,

he'll realize what he lost.

Holy crap!

You're worth every penny.

- You should get going.

- Mm-hm.

OK, Yoda.

To Amy!

# Girl, to be with you

is my favorite thing #

I thought you might need this.

Silly me. Where was my head?

- Bye.

- Listen, why don't you stay

- and have a little fiery drink with us, eh?

- Uh...

- It's fine.

- Come on.

You know you want to!

- Oh, I can see why.

- You're lovely.

Isn't he lovely? Have you smelt him?

He smells lovely!

Can you believe Kat gets to shag this guy?

No, really, you should send God

a bottle of wine or a quiche or something.

Look at those buns. Fresh from the bakery.

It must feel great getting paid

just for being you.

- Who says I'm being me?

- Excuse me.

Amy, thank you for granting me a rare

glimpse into a timeless female ritual.

Here's to the husbands who've won you,

the losers who've lost you

and the lucky bastards

who've yet to meet you.

And to the cock in the henhouse.

I can't believe you found him first.

I am so depressed.

Will somebody buy my hoo-hah a drink?

You remember when we took

the girls hiking in the Lake District?

- No.

- You do!

Blistering heat in the morning,

rained all afternoon.

No.

You backed your car

over a copper's bicycle.

- Sorry, no.

- The Rat And Gherkin.

- Splendid local scrumpy.

- Mm.

Amy wore that little bikini thing.

But somehow it was Kat

that got stung by nettles.

Kat never said a word until

Amy caught her scratching her arse.

Then you rubbed it with a dock leaf

to bring down the swelling.

Yeah, I remember it.

I didn't deserve her back then.

And you do now?

What is his problem?

- What?

- There's something about him I don't like.

He's less than 90 per cent body fat

and he's shagging your ex.

No, that is not it. Look at him,

he's walking around all American,

like he owns the place.

Oh, no!

Come on, this is your last chance.

Woody?

- Not yet, but it's getting there!

- It's getting there!

Oh, my God! What are you doing here?

I thought you were in San Francisco,

or was it Nepal?

Close. Sydney.

But it turns out that I missed the rain.

Did Kat tell you that she dumped you because

of your funky breath?

She's drunk.

But I didn't... I didn't

really dump you. Right?

Hard. But it was understandable,

you were one of the hottest girls in school.

And we know that Kat was

one of the hottest expats in school

because she was voted

Best Eyes and Brightest Smile

and the Most Likely To Age Well.

You're my half-sister but I whole love you.

How about you get

my half-sister a Seventh Hole?

- Tequila. Tequila.

- Sure.

Are you all right?

I don't know if I can do this.

The Seventh Hole?

No! The wedding.

I shouldn't be allowed to get married.

I shouldn't.

What are you talking about?

TJ!

Come on! Come on!

What's wrong with Jeffrey?

As if I would sleep with a stripper!

I'm about to get married. You have to...

It's been my experience that

a man in love doesn't want a prostitute.

Eddie, you did the right thing.

How do you know so much...

about so much?

I'm a hooker.

I like that.

# Baby!

# Sometimes I'm down

# I'm level, level with the ground

# Whoa

# Baby, you treat me

# Bad... #

# No, I know

# Know you don't mean it now

# I just don't know when to say bye-bye

# Yeah

# Uh

# Uh, uh

# Uh, uh, whoa!

# Baby

# I've got that feeling, baby... #

I just don't feel very well.

I'm gonna go. Give us a kiss.

- Ladies...

- How much do you rock, TJ?

...that was a top night.

Top night!

She's getting married!

# I'm all out of love

# I'm so lost without you

# I know you were right

# Believing for so long

# I'm all out of love

# What am I without you?

# I can't be too late

# I know I was so wrong

# I'm all out of love

# What am I without you?

# I can't be too late

# To say that I was so wrong... #

Are you OK?

Ooh! Ow!

# Watch the sun rise

# Say your goodbyes

# Off we go

# Some conversation

# No contemplation

# Hit the road

# Car overheats

# Jump out of my seat

# On the side of the highway, baby

# I know I don't know you

# But I want you so bad

# Everyone has a secret

# Oh, can they keep it?

# Oh, no, they can't #

- Morning.

- Morning.

Ahoy, there!

Hi, Dad.

I don't know what works for you

but I brought you some black coffee

and some stale crackers, egg and cheese

sandwich and a Bloody Mary.

That's very sweet of you.

But I need to ask you something.

What happened last night?

Nothing.

Thanks.

- Is this for last night?

- No! How could it be? Nothing happened.

If I was gonna charge you,

I said I'd tell you first.

I didn't want you to think that

I was expecting anything for free

or that I was expecting anything at all.

I mean, obviously

I was expecting something

or else I wouldn't have stopped at that ATM.

Just so you know, you're 300 short.

Wait, you're telling me that

if something happened last night,

I'd have to pay you $1,700?

That's a down payment on a Ford Focus.

Not dollars, pounds.

Besides, it includes, you know...

That's the extra 300.

Are you a boatsman, son?

I am now, sir.

I'm glad someone's

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