The Wedding Date Page #4

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making use of her at last.

The boat, I mean.

"To defile." Four letters.

- Good morning, Daddy.

- Ah.

- What if I didn't want you to do that

to me? - The 300's for you doing it to me.

If anything had happened, it would have

been one of the highlights, for you.

- But nothing did.

- That's why you get to keep your money.

The wedding dance is

the most important dance moment

in a person's life.

A room full of friends and family,

watching, smiling,

betting on how long the marriage will last.

All you'll have is each other

and whatever skills you acquire today.

And pair off.

- # When marimba rhythms start to play... #

- Breathe. Good, that's a nice position.

Now, your left foot. Her right foot.

Good. And we'll try to

glide across the floor.

Come a little bit closer together. Moving.

Trying to turn.

What's the matter, Nick?

Two left feet?

Oh!

# Stay with me, sway with me

# Other dancers may be on the floor

# Dear, but my eyes will see only you

# Only you have that magic technique

# When we sway I go weak

# I can hear the sound of violins

# Long before it begins

# Make me thrill as only you know how

# Sway me smooth, sway me now

# Like a flower bending in the breeze

# Bend with me, sway with ease

# When we dance you have a way with me

# Stay with me, sway with me

# Like a flower bending in the breeze

# Bend with me, sway with ease

# When we dance you have a way with me #

When I told you

I'd never done a wedding before,

it wasn't because I'd never been asked.

I'd just never said yes.

Why'd you say yes to me?

There was something in your voice

on the phone that day.

Desperation?

I think it was hope.

Get a move on, you lovebirds.

I'm getting married in the morning.

- Ah, hello, Bambi.

- Darling, please don't do that.

Oh, wow.

That's a big bed.

You know what pisses me off?

I've been spilling my guts all weekend

and I don't know anything about you.

I'm allergic to fabric softener.

I'm majoring in comparative literature

at Brown. I hate anchovies.

I think I'd miss you

even if we'd never met.

Come on!

I'm a little concerned...

I'm just... It makes me nervous...

You know, I might just call you.

But if I did, I would lose,

because my hand is complete shite.

Ohhh.

- I'm in.

- Come on.

There's gotta be something wrong with him.

I bet his thingy bends, doesn't it?

Got a little kink in it.

Oh, no, don't tell me.

It's bloody perfect.

I'm going to see you.

Looky, looky here.

A full house.

Oh-ho-ho!

Has anyone seen my future wife?

She'll kill me if I don't serve her first.

Have you guys ever had

a real honest-to-God fight, ever?

- Yes, of course.

- Yeah, right.

Well, apparently,

makeup sex is the best kind.

Not that I'm ever going to find out.

Give me that!

- Come on!

- No, no!

- Don't!

- Come on!

You seem to have a way with women.

Why don't you go and rustle up the

bride? Get her to join the party.

Why are you bringing this up now?

I love Ed.

- What do you want from me?

- I want you to tell me...

Blue shirt or... white shirt

for the, er, rehearsal dinner?

Sorry to interrupt.

Your dad sent me.

What for?

To make sure you're OK.

Kat, could I have a word?

It'll only take a moment.

Let me think. You stole seven years of

her life with your bullshit and your charm

and now you'd like just a moment?

Sure. Go right ahead.

Thanks for the solidarity, Mum,

but next time a little less information.

Do you believe a place has a memory?

Even before Ed and I started dating,

we all used to come up here in the summer

and spend weekends.

God, I hope it doesn't remember everything.

No matter how certain

one is of one's position

of what one should or shouldn't do,

one sometimes discovers

that one is not as one would have

hoped one would have been.

- What exactly are you trying to say?

- I'm sorry.

Look, I feel like I need

to tell you something.

- You're not even listening.

- I'm sorry. I'll be back in a minute.

Hey, is everything OK?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anchovy, Nick?

I remember the day I met Kat.

It was in New York.

I'd been seeing Bunny for a few months

and she finally trusted me

enough to meet her kid.

So I'm over at her place

and in walks this little monster.

That was it. I was a goner.

That was the day I became a dad.

You know, Nick, you think it's going

to get easier as they get older,

that you're going to worry about them less.

Or that you're going

to trust the world more.

But that's just not how it happens.

This may not make much sense to you, sir,

but I'd like to ask your permission

to date your daughter.

I thought you already were.

- I blame... I blame Tony Peepants.

- No.

Let's have the story. Kat, come on.

- No.

- I have to initiate Nick into our family.

I blame Tony for why my two girls

just don't seem to be able to get along.

Don't deny it. You barely

tolerate each other.

Come on. It's true. The only thing you've

got in common is you're both attracted to me.

It started after we moved here.

My two girls got into a fight over Tony

Peepants and have never made up since.

Apparently, Kat and I were inseparable.

If Kat ate a banana, Amy threw it up.

If Amy threw it up, Kat ate it.

So we were eating

and throwing up together in harmony

until Tony walked me home

from school one day.

He was my first boyfriend.

Tony ignored Kat

because he wanted to play with me.

Anyway, the point of the story is that

Tony ended up with a chair in his face.

It was plastic and child-sized.

- As I recall, there were stitches involved.

- Come on, Bunny, 15 stitches.

So is that when he peed in his pants?

He cried a lot,

but there was no peeing.

So what's with the nickname?

I have absolutely no idea.

Let me get some more wine.

Would you marry me if I asked?

That was a yes. Did you see that?

And you know, I thought perhaps you...

Bollocks. Sorry.

I had no idea this would be so difficult.

I just feel like I owe you an explanation.

Relax, relax. It's fine.

I promise.

And I should probably admit that...

I brought Nick with me

to torture you, slowly,

for the entire weekend.

But then, I don't know,

something happened and now...

I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings

but I'm just sick of you and me.

Of our whole story, so come on, let's

just go upstairs and eat some tiramisu.

I slept with your sister.

- I'm sorry?

- Well, I shagged Amy, two years ago.

That's why I broke it off with you.

And then after you left,

sod it, we kept at it like rabbits,

until we both realized it was absolutely mad

and, obviously, morally wrong.

And then that was it.

But last Christmas, when Ed proposed,

I realized... I'm in love with her.

Good Lord, say something, please.

Oh, my God, he's told you, hasn't he?

- You knew?

- Kat, I'm so sorry. I'm so...

Kat. Kat, please.

Kat, please don't say anything.

I can't believe you told her.

What's going on?

Nothing.

It doesn't look like nothing.

Now is not the time to catch on, Ed.

OK. Good.

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