The Wedding Planner Page #5

Same.

Sixty-seven.

Another plus is that their chefis rated|one of the three best on the West Coast.

I really like it, dad.

You know who else was married here?|Lesley Ann Martin.

Herb Martin's daughter?|Forget it. This place is out.

I'm not following|in Herb Martin's shoddy footsteps.

- I didn't see a stage either.|- Find something bigger.

Eddie, what on earth--

What are you doing?

Yeah, just a second.

Good move, honey.

From this valley

they say you are leavin'

It's "going," honey.

Whatever, darling.

Is hall miss your bright eyes

And sweet smile

I'm starting a non-profit pediatric|foundation. I want Eddie to head it up.

Can you imagine Eddie CEO|of a major medical foundation?

He wants to|give up his patients?

He does.|He just doesn't know it yet.

He has a hard time|leaving people behind.

Always do the right thing.

I'm sure he doesn't always|do the right thing.

Just the some thing something

Just the some thing something

Red River Valley

Mom, would you please shut up!

Whoa! Heel, boy!|Heel! Heel!

Pull on the reins!

Stop! Oh, God!

Horsey! Horsey! Horsey!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Tree! Tree!

Hang on, Mary!

I got you! I got you!

On the count of three.|One, two, three!

You okay?

Oh, my God.|You could've been killed.

- It's important to learn how to ride.|- Yeah.

- Eddie, you're riding back with Mary.|- No, no, really.

Don't let her out of your sight.

And the good news is,|I have the wine!

As I walked out on

the streets of Laredo

- Thank you fo rwhat you did.|- No problem.

You don't have to be|all smug about it.

How about a quick recap here, Mary?

You harpoon me for being engaged...

when, in a zippy and unexpected twist,|you yourself turn out to have a fiance.

Now you have the nerve|to call me smug?

Come on, Mary.|What the hell is your problem?

You're the one with the problem.

I've been doing this a long time...

and I can predict down to the week|how long a couple's going to last.

Are you aware that Fran|has chosen teal for her bridesmaids?

Teal, the color of gangrene.

My last bride who chose teal|got her marriage annulled in 12 days.

Oh, oh, and "I Honestly Love You"|as your wedding song?

You might as well commit|matrimonial suicide right now.

You want a confession in blood?|Huh? All right.

That night at the movie,|I was attracted to you.

I was. You caught me.|I admit it.

I mean, let's see, maybe I was a little|unsure about the whole marriage thing.

I don't know,|maybe I was just being a guy...

and an opportunity presented itself.

Bottom line?

I never thought|I'd see you again.

Bottom line?|Nothing happened.

Bottom line?

Now, more than ever,|I believe Fran is the one for me.

So...

I would say,|based on the evidence...

all your theories on love sound like|the rantings of a bitter, cynical woman.

Once I walked out|on the streets of Laredo

And Laredo walked out

On the streets with me

Excuse me.

There's my good boy.

What's going on?

I am measuring you|for your wedding dress.

Dad, I want my house key back.|dad, dad, please.

Where's that old wedding dress?

Now we can finally|get rid of this.

Dad, put that back!

Hey, Mary,|what do you want on your bagel?

No bagel. No wedding dress.|No wedding.

No wedding?

But Massimo said|you announced your engagement.

I never said that.

My God, this is like|the blind date that wouldn't end.

He's right.

You're frightened by|a mounting attraction for him.

Oh, that's disgusting.

- I told you Mismo was full of crap.|- No Mismo! Massimo!

Go toast the bagel.

Yeah, I'll toast when I see fit.

Mismo, Massimo|or any other kind of"mo."

Dad, you cannot|push some guy at me.

That's not how it works.

You know that.|You had Ma.

Yes, and I didn't meet her|until the day of our wedding.

What are you talking about?

Your mother and I|had an arranged marriage.

An arranged marriage?

We met on the day of our wedding.

We couldn't even look at each other.

I was in love|with another girl...

and your mother|wanted nothing to do with me.

She said I had big eye brows|and a low IQ

Anyway, one day...

I got very sick|with scarlet fever...

and she stayed by my side.

She took good care of me.

For the first time...

I appreciated her.

Then the appreciation|grew to respect.

Respect grew to like.

Then like grew to love.

A deeper love|than I could ever hope for.

So give Massimo a chance.

Maybe you don't like him now...

but maybe|you might love him later.

I should've told you about|your mother and I a long time ago.

Maybe then you'd feel|differently about love.

I don't feel anything about love.

What do you think, Mary?

Oh, the park's great.

You guys would be the first. No one|else has been married here before.

Well, we'd have to construct|the site from scratch...

but at least you wouldn't|have to cut the guest list.

Dad would love it.

And what about|the bride and groom-to-be?

- I say, let's take it.|- I think we should keep looking.

- Really?|- Maybe I should give you guys a minute.

You don't like it?

I don't know.

Come on.

All right, if this is what you want,|then I'm-- I'm fine with it.

Do you see why|I'm marrying this guy?

Because he is so good to me.

Yep, you two will have no problem|planning the wedding while I'm gone.

- I beg your pardon?|-Just for a week.

- Gone?|- I've got to fly back east.

We're looking at buying out|a few of our manufacturers.

- Fran, this is a really critical time.|- That's why we shouldn't lose momentum.

You guys will do a great job.|I trust you.

Fran wants statues at the wedding.

A well-chosen sculpture can help enhance|the tone and theme of the ceremony.

Something like this could be nice.

A little depressing, isn't it?

No, it's wistful and romantic.

Oh.

Okay.

I always pictured|a small wedding myself.

Close friends and family.

On the beach somewhere.|Cool, salty breeze.

You know, the Aphrodite we passed|on the way in might be perfect.

What about this guy?

Well, this is all wrong for a wedding.|It's too menacing.

Mary, I think you're wrong.

He's not menacing.|He's masculine.

He's the protector.

- This man is strong.|- He's naked.

This man is sturdy.

Oh, my God.

Pick him up|before somebody sees.

You all right?

- The man is heavy.|- Oh, my God, there's a guard coming.

There.

Oh, my God.

You castrated him.

Oh, no.

The guard's coming this way.

- I'm sorry, buddy.|- We gotta fix him.

What do you got?|Oh, of course. Krazy Glue.

Why didn't I bring Krazy Glue,|in case his pecker fell off?

- All right, ready?|- Is it sticking?

- You got it?|- Yeah, he's on. Oh, sh*t.

Steve's stuck.|Steve's glued to his pecker.

- Hi.|- Hi there.

Sir, touching the statues|isn't permitted.

Yes, sir.

You're right.|It's limestone, not granite.

We had a bet going.|She won.

- Sir.|- Yeah?

Your hand, sir.

Yeah, my hand.

Here it is.|You were right.

A limestone penis.

You'd think he'd be bigger, huh?

All right.

Jesus.

What else you got in that?

My entire universe.

- I'm sorry--|- I'm sorry--

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