The Wedding Planner Page #7

I don't know if you ever wore braces|or contacts or glasses.

I have no idea how you came to be|a wedding planner, Mary.

But I know|the curves of your face...

and I know every feck of gold|in your eyes.

And I know that|that night in the park...

was the best time I've ever had.

Please say something.

I'm a magnet for unavailable men...

and I'm sick of it.

It's simple.

I know Fran.

I respect her.

And she loves you.

So, besides your tux measurements...

that's all I need to know.

Please go away.

Good night, Mary.

How do you word an invitation...

where both sets of parents|are paying for the wedding...

the groom is in the military,|about to receive a medical degree...

and the bride is a widow whose father|recently had a sex-change operation...

and now goes by the name|Sugar Pie deSanto?

- Mary?|- What is it?

A little tense?

Just terribly, terribly...

alert.

What's the matter?

I came back early.

Why?|I mean, is everything okay?

I've discovered something.

I've been blind.|I didn't want to see it.

I tried to ignore the signs.

I think you know|what I'm talking about.

Let me explain.|It's not what you think.

Yes, it is.

I can't go through with this wedding.

But, Fran--

I was in a meeting|talking about Boccolino mozzarella...

and it hit me|that this isn't going to work.

I can't stand the way|he chews on pen caps...

or the songs|that he sings in the shower.

It drives me nuts, how he hikes up his|left pant leg after he's eaten too much.

Is Eddie gonna be the last man|that I sleep with...

ever?

I've been with him so long, I don't|even know why we're together anymore.

Look at me.

You are exquisite.

You're timeless.

And you have the love|of a man named Steve.

A man who, while you were away having|meetings about mozzarella, said to me...

"I can't believe she picked me.

I can't believe I'm marrying the most|incredible woman I've ever met."

So that tells me|that this marriage of yours...

is not only gonna work...

it's gonna last forever.

Really?

Really.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Let me pray, let me pray.

Hope he didn't spit on the cake.

Come on.|Open up your presents.

No, no, please.|Everyone, I want to make some toast.

- Happy birthday, Burt.|- Salute.

Buddy Burt.|Salvatore.

I want to thank Salvatore|for taking me into his life...

and introducing me|to all you wonderful people.

Hold on a moment.

Where is he going?

I know I never done the right thing,|I never say the right thing...

and I act like a fool.

I know I say|we're just buddy-buddy friends...

but that would not be true|to my heart.

So I would ask you|this one question.

And if you answer no...

then I will leave you alone|once and for all.

Be my wife, Mary Fiore...

and I will take care of you|and be true to you...

and, like this house|I built for your dolls...

I will make sure you have|a strong roof over your head.

If your answer is yes...

then no one will ever love you|as much as I love you.

If your answer is yes...

you will make me|the happiest man on the Earth.

What would I have done|without you?

Hey, wedding woman,|you did some job.

My girl's gonna knock 'em dead.|Aren't you, sluggo?

Well, somebody stole my lucky mike.|I can't sing without my lucky mike.

What are you doing here?

You know it's bad luck|to see the bride before the wedding.

You look beautiful.

Go on. Get out of here.|We're starting any minute.

Come on.

- Let's take a walk.|- A walk?

A walk. Come on.

Come on.

No. What are you talking about?|You cannot give the whole wedding to me.

Everything is gonna be fine.|It's a no-brainer.

You can't do this.|Geri's out there!

So?|The whole commission is yours.

That's more money|than I make in a year.

Then I guess that means we're gonna|have to go shopping next week.

I am completely confused.|Why are you doing this?

Because there's somewhere|I've gotta be.

Okay, we can talk|after the wedding.

Hang on a minute, Fran.

- Why do you wanna marry me?|- What?

That's one of the questions|I need answered.

Steve, you're scaring me.

You never call me Steve.

That's because you don't like it.

I never said I didn't like it.

- Okay, where is this going?|- Why do you wanna marry me?

Are you kidding me?

- Are you kidding me?|- No, I'm not.

You're trying to dump me|on the day of my wedding.

- I just need to know your answer.|- This is not happening to me.

- Franny, Franny.|- This is-- don't " Franny" me!

Don't " Franny" me,|you selfish bastard!

The reasons we were together in college|don't hold up anymore.

We're different people now.

- And?|- And I think you know that.

Listen to me.

If you really love me,|I'll put this cummerbund on right now...

we'll walk up that hill|and go to the big tent and do it.

- You would do that?|- Yes, I would.

All those people.

You don't know half of'em.

You and me.

Are you ready?

Yes. Yes, of course.

I just need a second.

Oh, God.

I don't want to get married.

How did we let it get this far?

I don't know.

What are we gonna do?

Well, that's the beauty of it.

Whatever we want.

I haven't thought about|what I really want in so long.

Me neither.

There you go.

Okay.

Okay.

That is the bride.|Is that the bride?

Yes, it is.

Well, is she coming back?

I think all the blood is rushing|to my head and I'm gonna faint.

I'm gonna kill Mary|for leaving me all alone here.

- I don't know what to do.|- Penny, take a breath.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about your wedding planner|leaving me here all alone...

to go to city hall|and get married.

Married?

- What? Mary's getting married?|- Yeah, married.

- You know, married?|- No, she can't get married.

- Married.|- Hey, hey, city hall.

Married, you know, like what|you're supposed to be doing.

Oh, that's-- Yeah.

That's great. Go. I'll tell everyone.|I'll tell Kathie Lee Gifford.

Beautiful.

Thanks.

Come on! Goddamn it.

Are you sure you|don't know a shortcut?

Take a shortcut somewhere?

- What do you expect me--|- Bullshit.

What are you doing?

Hold on the right. Hold!

We are gathered together|in the presence of these witnesses...

to join this man and this woman...

in matrimony.

This contract is not|to be taken lightly...

but thoughtfully and seriously...

with a deep realization...

of its obligations|and responsibilities.

If anyone can show just cause...

why these two should not|be joined together in matrimony...

then let him speak now|or forever...

hold his peace.

Fine.

- Then let us proceed.|- No.

- Thank God.|- Oh, hell, I object too.

What is going on here?

Here we go.

Maria, I look in your eyes|and it hurts my insides.

This is not what you want.|This is what I want.

Shame on me.

I'm so lucky|to have a father like you.

But you're right.

Love isn't like|some enchanted evening...

isn't a fairy tale...

or even love at first sight.

That isn't real life.

Massimo's a good man.

Don't worry, Papa.

I know what I'm doing.

I'm just all grown up now.

Okay.

Hey, that's the doc!

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