The Wedding Singer

All right, everybody, come on.

Out on the dance floor.

Look at the happy couple.

No exceptions.

Up out of your chairs.

I can feel

all the happiness in here.

All right!

Look at him go.

If I...

I get to know your name...

If I...

Could trace

your private number, baby...

All I know is that to me...

You look like

you're lots of fun.

Open up them lovin' arms.

I want some, want some.

I set my sights on you.

And no one else will do.

And I...

I got to have my way now, baby.

All I know is that to me...

You look like

you're lots of fun.

Open up them lovin' arms.

Watch out, here I come.

You spin me right round,

baby, right round...

Like a record, baby...

Right round, round, round.

You spin me right round,

baby, right round...

Like a record, baby...

Right round, round, round.

Somebody get some pants

on that kid.

If I...

I got to be your friend...

Grandma Molly,

I'm talking to you.

And I...

Would like to move in

just a little bit closer.

All I know is that to me...

You look like

you're lots of fun.

Open up your lovin' arms.

Watch out, here I come.

You spin me right round,

baby, right round...

Like a record, baby...

Right round, round, round.

You spin me right round,

baby, right round...

Like a record, baby.

I want your love.

Uncle Marty!

All I know is that to me...

You look like

you're lots of fun.

Open up your lovin' arms.

Watch out, here I come.

You spin me right round,

baby, right round...

Like a record, baby...

Right round, round, round.

You spin me right round,

baby, right round...

Like a record, baby...

Right round, round, round.

You spin me round...

And round...

And round.

Very nice.

Good job, lady.

You were shakin'.

It is gonna be fun today.

The best man's gonna come up

and say a few words...

so let's put our hands together

for the groom's brother David.

All right, Dave.

When my brother Harold

asked me to be the best man...

I was like,

"Whoa, of course, man...

"because you've always

been there for me."

Like when I was in rehab...

and like the time

I couldn't find my car.

'Cause, Harold, he's always been

the dependable one.

I've always been

the screwed-up one. Right, Dad?

"Why can't you

be more like your brother?

"Harold would never

beat up his landlord."

He's drunk as sh*t.

But...

a little news flash, Pop.

Harold ain't so perfect.

Remember that time

in Puerto Rico...

when we picked up those two...

I guess they were prostitutes,

but I don't remember paying.

How about that?

Terrific.

I'm a person, too,

Pop, goddamn it!

You're a moron!

The best man, everybody.

Best man. The better man.

We've all done crazy things

in our life, so...

He's playing the guitar now.

Isn't that great?

He's doing good.

Sounds good?

It's because I'm the best

guitar player in the world.

Self-taught.

No lessons,

thank you very much, Pop.

All right.

They'll be divorced in a year.

Very good.

I think we all know

that when you fall in love...

the emptiness

kind of drifts away.

That's all I'm talking about.

I've done some crazy things

in my life, too...

but then I met

a very special girl...

a girl who I'm actually

marrying next week.

Thank you.

So all I'm saying is that

when you fall in love...

the emptiness drifts away...

because you find something

to live for...

each other.

And the way

I've seen you two...

looking into each other's

eyes all day long...

I can tell that you're

gonna live for each other...

for the rest of your lives.

So cheers.

That's a good

wedding singer.

Now on behalf of

Mr. and Mrs. Harold Veltri...

you guys have a nice dinner.

George Stitzer's gonna take over

on lead vocals...

so take it away, George.

Give me time...

To realize my crime.

Let me love and stay.

-Jesus.

-Scary.

I have danced...

I like her.

Inside your eyes.

How can love...

Be real?

Do you really want to hurt me?

Good save, wedding singer.

Good job.

Sammy, how come you're not out

with your limo? What's up?

That new waitress.

That's what's up.

Is she in trouble.

She's gonna get it,

and she doesn't even know it...

and I'm gonna give it to her.

Take it easy, man. Who is she?

She's Holly Sullivan's cousin.

If she's

half as easy as Holly...

I'll close this deal

by the end of the week.

I don't think

that's gonna happen.

Please. It's her first day.

Always takes them three weeks...

to realize they shouldn't

date anyone at work.

You like being the guy

that helps them realize that?

Yes, I do.

You want to be like Fonzie,

don't you?

You're on your way.

Do you really want to hurt me?

Do you really want

to make me cry?

Prime rib, please.

Always the prime rib.

Make them eat the fish.

Andre,

can I have three prime rib?

Your wish is my command, madame.

How come he's so nice to you?

I let him look at my b*obs

at the Christmas party.

Not my finest half-hour...

but it's been a pleasant

working environment ever since.

So, how's your first night

going?

Being at this wedding

is making me realize...

that Glenn is never

going to set a date...

and I've been wearing

this ring for two years...

and I feel like an idiot.

You know what you must do?

Relax. Don't do it.

I feel stupid for moving here

to be closer to him.

I think you need a break.

Go out back and get some air.

I'll cover your tables.

You OK?

You going to throw up?

Come with me, man.

Give me time...

What?

Here we go.

Come on.

You got it. There.

Is he a friend of yours?

Me? No.

I couldn't let him do it

in front of his family.

Wow.

I'm glad I got to see it.

You all through?

Going to wait a few years

before you drink again?

All right, remember,

alcohol equals puke...

equals smelly mess

equals nobody likes you.

I got it from here.

Know what? You go this way,

and you go this way.

It's for the best.

It's all right. Take it easy.

See you later.

Sleep it off, pal.

Hey, you know,

wedding singer?

Are you drinking, too?

No. It's Coca-cola.

Are you sure? There's

no rum in that Coca-cola?

I'm not a big drinker...

and if it was, I'd be puking

more than that kid.

I don't think anybody could

puke more than that kid.

I think I saw a boot come out.

You're the wedding singer.

How you doing? I'm Robbie.

I'm Julia.

I'm actually waitressing

at your wedding next week.

Cool. That's a beautiful ring

you have there.

Are you getting married, too?

Actually, I don't know

how serious the guy is...

who gave this to me.

I feel like I'm doomed to wander

the planet alone forever.

Like the Incredible Hulk?

Yeah...only

I'm not helping people.

That's not true,

because I saw you inside.

You were helping people.

You were giving them

fish and coffee and forks.

People can't eat without forks.

And they can't

drink without a fish.

That's right.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

You lost me back at the Hulk.

Robbie, you better

get back in there.

They're starting

to turn on George.

-Sit down!

-You suck!

He's got to learn a new song.

But it was nice to meet you.

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