The Wedding Singer Page #2

It was nice meeting you, too.

And if I ever get married,

maybe you'll sing at my wedding.

Oh, man. It's a deal.

Take care.

There was love...

All around...

But I never...

Heard it singing.

Very nice.

No, I never...

Heard it at all...

Pretty.

'Til there was you.

Much better.

You're going

to blow everybody away...

at your fiftieth

anniversary party.

If I sing to Frank

without making any mistakes...

he would know

how hard I've worked...

and how much I still love him

after all these years.

I hope 50 years from now...

Linda and I are as happy

as you two guys.

You will be.

It runs in your family.

You're a born romantic,

just like your father was.

I know they'll be

looking down on you tomorrow.

I hope so.

Are you nervous?

I'm actually not

that nervous, you know?

I'm at weddings all the time.

It's going to be fun.

Not about the wedding--

about the wedding night.

Will this be your first time

with intercourse?

Don't be ashamed.

When I got married,

I wasn't a virgin.

I already had intercourse

with eight men.

That's actually something

I don't want to know about.

That was a lot back then.

That would be like 200 today.

It's 5:
00.

I'm going to get going.

But your payment.

My payment.

Can I get it to go?

You're such a sweet boy...

letting an old woman

pay you with meatballs.

They taste so good,

it's like I'm ripping you off.

I don't have

any clean Tupperware.

All right,

definitely next time.

Don't be silly.

Now hold out your hands.

-You want to--

-Do it.

Cool.

Thanks a lot.

Now, please, take a bite...

so that I can

watch you enjoy.

That's my favorite part.

Well...

I'll go with the right one.

That looks good.

That's a good meatball.

Now, listen to me, Robbie Hart.

You're going to be

a fine husband.

I hope so, Rosie. Thank you.

I'm going to leave.

I'll see you

at the wedding, all right?

Thank you for coming in

and taking me to lunch.

Look at the picture

of that girl. See that?

You're a lot prettier

than that girl...

and she's getting married.

What does pretty have to do

with getting married?

Everything.

You got to get married...

before your hips start spreading

and you get facial hair...

which, by the way,

comes from your father's mother.

Looks like Magnum, P.I.,

for God's sake.

I can't make Glenn set a date.

You're going to hate

this idea...

but I think you should consider

a fake pregnancy.

I'm exiting the car.

It's just a means to an end.

ln five years,

he'll thank you for it.

Perhaps we should call her.

She's probably got

a make-up problem or her dress.

I know her.

She likes to look her best.

Hey, sis.

Hi, Robs.

I just got off the phone

with Linda's mom.

Linda's not there, but...

there was a note.

A note?

Everything all right?

Yeah, she's OK.

It basically indicated...

that Linda was...

not coming today.

So, it was a bad note.

Did she say why?

I am so sorry, honey.

It's OK.

You want me to say something?

Just give me a second.

I'll be right back.

Oh, my God,

she's not showing up.

Don't worry.

Everything's gonna be all right.

It's OK.

Oh, God!

You can't catch me!

I'm going to get you

and chop you up!

Can we turn this crap off,

please?

That's right, Robbie.

You have to let it out.

-Let what out?

-Your feelings.

About what that lousy b*tch

did to you today.

Don't call her that...

because we're going

to get back together...

and then there will be weirdness

between you and me...

so just watch it.

I made this for you,

Uncle Robbie.

Thanks, Freddy Krueger.

That's not nice.

Very creative, though.

Go back to the boiler room.

I just wish I knew

where she was, you know?

He's taking it pretty bad.

He's acting like a real robot...

a zombie or something.

He's been wanting to get married

since the third grade.

It makes sense.

That's when Mom and Dad died.

He wants to start

a family of his own.

Check out the cake.

There's only

a little groom on top.

You're late.

I'm sorry.

I just couldn't do it.

If you need some more time,

I guess I can wait.

No, I don't need

more time, Robbie.

I don't ever want to marry you.

You know, that information...

might have been a little

more useful to me yesterday.

I've been talking to my friends

the last couple of days...

Here it comes.

And I think I figured out

what's been bothering me.

I'm not in love with Robbie now.

I'm in love with Robbie

six years ago...

Robbie, the lead singer

of Final Warning...

when I used to come and

watch you from the front row...

in your spandex pants...

your silk shirt unbuttoned...

licking the microphone

like David Lee Roth.

I still got the spandex.

I'll put them on right now.

The point is,

I woke up this morning...

and I realized I'm about

to marry a wedding singer.

I am never going

to leave Ridgefield.

Why do you need

to leave Ridgefield?

We grew up here.

All our friends are here.

It's the perfect place

to raise a family.

Living in your sister's

basement with five kids...

while you're off every

weekend doing wedding gigs...

at a whopping 60 bucks a pop?

Once again...

things that could have been

brought to my attention...

yesterday!

The fact is,

we grew apart a long time ago.

You wanted to get married.

You didn't care to who.

That's not true. I love you.

Come here.

I want to spend

the rest of my life with you.

Hey, Linda.

You're a b*tch.

Thanks, Petey.

Go back to the house.

He might have

Tourette's syndrome.

We're looking into it.

I got to go.

I'm sorry.

Ninety-nine Luftballons...

Glenn!

Don't be so jumpy.

These are for you.

Thank you.

They're beautiful.

I have something else for you.

Two airplane tickets

to Las Vegas?

Oh, my God, Glenn!

I know you wanted

to set a date...

so I went to the travel agent

and set it.

Glenn, I love you so much...

but Las Vegas? I thought--

Jules, it's the romance

capital of the world.

I just don't want

a big wedding--

hundreds of people

we don't know...

that are just there

for the free drinks...

and all-you-can-eat buffet.

They might as well be in Vegas.

Las Vegas it is,

and it'll be great.

Are you going to do

the girl thing?

You're going to act happy

and be pouting on the inside?

I'm happy.

All right.

Let's get married here.

I know that's what you want.

Thank you, Glenn.

It's more important

to you anyway.

I promise I will give you

the most beautiful wedding...

and even you'll have

a good time.

It's about time

his best friend showed up.

So, how's he doing?

I don't know.

He's been down in the basement

since it happened.

Five days now.

I think he's having some kind

of a mental situation...

an episode or something.

All right.

You do something, because

I don't want to be known...

as the brother-in-law

of the town nut job.

I got enough problems already.

Sh*t,

I got water all over myself.

Hello?

You all right?

These sheets are soft.

You use Downy?

All Tempa-Cheer.

You can wash your clothes

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