The Wedding Singer Page #3

at any temperature...

and the colors

don't run together.

-Really?

-Yeah. Now leave me alone.

You have to go back to work.

There's going to be over

a hundred drunk girls...

at this wedding tonight.

I've got nothing

to offer anybody.

I haven't done jack sh*t

since high school.

Why would any girl

ever marry me?

Marry you?

I'm just trying to get someone

to play with your ding-dong.

Holiday...

Celebrate...

If we took a holiday...

Took some time to celebrate...

Come on, let's celebrate.

Just one day out of life...

It would be...

It would be so nice.

Everybody spread the word.

I live in

my sister's basement.

He just had his heart broken.

Why would he even think

about coming back to work?

I don't know.

Celebrate.

You guys are off

to a great start.

I mean...

Cindy showed up,

so, right away, Scott...

you got to be pretty psyched.

I'm not paying you to hear

your thoughts on life.

I'm paying you to sing.

I have a microphone,

and you don't...

so you will listen

to every damn word...

I have to say!

It's funny. Some of us

will never find true love.

Like, take, for instance...me.

And I'm pretty sure

that guy right there.

And that lady

with the sideburns.

And basically

everybody at table nine.

But the worst thing is...

that me, fatty,

sideburns lady...

and the mutants

over at table nine...

will never, ever find a way

to better the situation...

because...

apparently, we have

absolutely nothing to offer...

the opposite sex.

You are the worst wedding singer

in the world, buddy!

Sir, one more outburst...

I will strangle you

with my microphone wire.

Let's cut the stupid cake...

because the fat guy's

going to have a heart attack...

if we don't eat again soon.

And while we do that,

here's a little mood music.

Cindy and Scott are newlyweds.

He loves her...

But she loves

this guy right here...

And he loves somebody else.

You just can't win.

And so it goes...

Until the day you die.

This thing they call love...

Is gonna make you cry.

I hate you.

I've had the blues...

The reds and the pinks.

One thing's for sure...

Love stinks?

Love stinks.

Drug addict! Degenerate!

I was wondering

what happened to you.

Did everybody leave?

Pretty much,

except for a few cops...

that are still interviewing

some witnesses.

I'm going to get

the hell out of here.

So it was

your first wedding back.

Of course things are going

to be a little shaky.

A little shaky?

I hate weddings.

I hate the bride.

I hate the groom.

I want them to be miserable,

because that's what I am.

No. You're the best.

At what? People eat

prime rib, and I sing.

It's a joke.

I can't do this anymore.

Glenn and I set the date...

so you have to play our wedding.

Congratulations.

I just can't do it, all right?

I'm having an engagement party

in two weeks...

and I really want

you and Sammy to come.

Good, you're here.

Robbie's here!

Let's move it!

The kids have been fed,

but if they want snacks...

there's ice pops in the freezer,

or microwave popcorn.

Good.

Are you going

to the engagement party?

Yeah, I'll probably go.

Come on, Andy, move your ass!

Hang on. I'm watching Dallas.

I think J.R. might be dead.

They shot him.

Good night.

-Love you.

-Love you.

Time to make the donuts.

I made the donuts.

Dunkin' donuts--

up to 52 varieties...

Uncle Robbie's here.

Hey, the Goofball Brothers.

ls it true you're in the middle

of a nervous breakdown?

-Who said that?

-Everybody.

You're eight years old.

You only know your parents.

What are you talking about?

Is it true you're gonna end up

in a mental institution?

Cuckoo's nest!

Hey, kids.

Remember what we talked about?

Go over there

and watch some television.

Can I speak to you for a second?

Everybody...

I've been thinking

about what happened to you...

and it's all for the best.

I know you were

in love and everything...

but that wears off.

Me and your sister,

we used to be wild.

She was very adventurous...

and we got into some crazy sh*t.

But now the thrill is gone.

If we get a second alone,

we usually go to sleep.

If it's a special occasion...

she might do

this exotic dance for me.

What?

Sometimes she might

work with my nipples a bit.

All right, enough. Go out.

I'll take care of the kids.

I don't know what I just said,

but I said something.

Women got a thing

about marriage.

If you want to stay with them,

you're gonna have to marry them.

No big deal. There she is.

The girl who finally beat me

into submission.

That's right.

August 5th

is less than three months away.

We've got a lot of planning

to do.

Do you think

it would be better...

if maybe you took over

all the arrangements?

I'd like to do it together.

Yeah, but you like this stuff.

It's really not my thing.

God forbid I screw up

the wedding flowers.

How could I live with myself?

He'll be so wasted...

he won't know flowers

are at the wedding.

I hear you're gonna have

your bachelor party Friday.

Gonna be all right with that?

You might miss Miami Vice.

Nope. Summer. Reruns.

I'm all set.

Great.

All right, nice house.

I told you this guy was loaded.

I know. In and out, though.

I don't want to be here long.

Let me just pick up a chick,

and we'll get out of here.

What do you think

of the jacket?

I would lose that glove.

You look nuts.

There's Julia.

Let's go say hello.

Hi, you guys.

I'm so glad you came.

Jason,

this is Robbie and Sammy...

and this is my fiance Glenn.

-Congratulations, Glenn.

-Thank you.

Robbie Hart.

I heard what happened

to you at your wedding.

That was so cold.

You must have felt like sh*t.

No. It felt really good.

Thanks for bringing it up.

My parents died when I was 10.

Want to talk about that?

Why would we want

to talk about that?

I don't know.

Somebody needs a drink.

Actually,

I'm not a big drinker.

I am.

How about an Alabama Slammer?

Sounds like a plan.

Meet me at the bar.

I gotta piss first.

Have a few drinks

and drive home.

Julia, thanks for inviting us.

I'm glad you guys came.

We hang out at work so much...

but we don't get to talk

'cause we're always so busy.

We should make time to talk,

don't you think?

Know what? The first time

this guy saw you...

he told me

he was gonna hit on you.

-Really?

-That's not true.

Yeah, it is.

You told me she was in trouble.

She was gonna get it,

and she didn't even know it.

He's teasing.

I would never say that.

You said you were

gonna give it to her.

Give me what, exactly?

You're a jerk.

What do you mean?

You didn't know she was engaged.

So now you're not

gonna give it to me?

Very funny.

Say hi to your brother Tito.

So how are you doing?

I'm doing better. I don't know.

How are you and Glenn doing

with the wedding plans?

Glenn isn't really--

He's very busy right now.

He works on Wall Street.

You know how that is nowadays.

Wall Street--stocks and stuff?

Actually, he's in bonds.

He barely has time to sleep,

let alone plan a wedding...

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