The West Point Story Page #4

isn't the first civilian to come up here...

...with a chip on his shoulder.

And he's willing to give Bix

another chance.

Well, they figure

if Bix got to know them better...

...he might get to like them better.

Who wants to like them better?

You see, Harry, it's no use.

That ham always...

Shut up. Yeah, what else, doll?

Well, on one condition

would they allow him to stay:

They have invited him

to become one of them.

- I told them he'd do it.

- You told them what?

I accepted their invitation for you

to become a cadet.

You what?

You heard me.

And I just accepted an invitation for you

to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel.

Now, who goes first?

Eve, darling, you're wonderful.

I love you.

Look, Bix, this is great.

You move right in,

you become one of them.

Go to work on the boy...

...the boy discovers what he's got,

what we can do for him.

- Work on what boy?

- What?

Oh, well, you know, Hal and Tom.

You know, to make them good

in the show.

Oh, Bix, you'll become a cadet.

What do you say?

What do I say?

No!

No, he says.

Oh, Eve, why do you put up with him?

Harry, you think that job in Las Vegas

is still open?

If it isn't, I'll open it.

Stop off if you're passing through

Las Vegas.

I'll put in a good word for you

if they need an extra busboy.

Now, Eve. Eve...

Las Vegas.

You reached way out into left field

for that one, didn't you?

And now I should become

a West Point cadet.

I think it's a great idea.

Really, a great idea.

We still got a deal.

Bixby. Hey, Bixby.

- Reveille.

- Cut it out. Cut it out. Cut it out.

Reveille, Bix, you have to be

in formation by the two-minute bell.

The middle of the night.

Out of the sack, Mr. Dumbjohn.

You don't sleep all day.

- Gee whiz, now, fellas...

- Close your window.

- Yeah, sure.

- This way.

Come on, mister, move.

This your gear? Come on.

Hut, two, three, four.

Hut, two, three, four.

Hut, two, three, four.

Attention.

A company present and accounted for.

What are you,

the tail gunner, Mr. Do-willy?

About-face.

About-face.

Now, let me see you function.

Put a brace on those shoulders,

Mr. Ducro.

Stretch up from the top of the head.

Touch my hand.

Break forward.

Pull in that chin.

More. More.

Why can't you pull in that chin?

- Don't taste nice.

- Don't answer me.

Now, look military, Mr. Dumbjohn.

Suck up that gut.

Pop that chest up in the air.

Lift it up. Lift it up.

Straighten that cap.

You were instructed to get a haircut.

See that it's done.

Report to my quarters after recall.

Do you keep those clippers on the ice?

It's all part of a plebe's life, Bix.

Anyhow, it'll be over...

...when upperclassmen shake your hand

and recognize you.

- How many lights in Cullum Hall?

- Three hundred and forty, sir.

Next, how many gallons

in Lusk Reservoir?

Ninety-two and 210 million gallons,

when water's over the spillway.

What do plebes rank?

The plebe rank, the commandant's dog,

the superintendent's cat...

...the hellcats and all the admirals

in the cockeyed Navy.

A 12:
00 boy in a 9:00 town,

that's me.

There's another thing

I don't like about this place.

Too much buttoning and unbuttoning.

- All right, 641?

- All right, sir.

- All right, 642?

- All right, sir.

- Hey...

- All right, 643?

- All right, sir.

- Everybody in a rut around here?

- What is this "all right" business?

- Oh, it's a bed check.

When you answer "all right,"

that means everyone's present.

- They take your word for it?

- Certainly.

At West Point, your word is your honor.

Now, the definition of leather,

they'll be sure to ask you that one.

And put some soul in it.

The definition of leather.

And put some soul into it, right.

If the fresh skin of an animal,

cleaned and divested of all hairs...

...fat and other extraneous matter...

...be immersed in a dilute solution of

tannic acid, a chemical compound ensues.

The gelatinous tissue is converted...

...into a non-putrescible substance

impervious to and insoluble in water.

This, sir, is leather.

Beautifully done, Hal, beautifully done.

Only one thing wrong.

Not enough straw hats.

Harder.

Although I am a princess,

I'll be happy to marry you...

Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Come on.

This whole business

will follow me for the rest of my life.

- I can't say that.

- Put a "sir" on it, understand?

- Yes, sir.

- You are a princess.

A princess, and he's a GI.

You met in Europe and fell in love.

Why, I don't know. Don't know.

He's asked you to marry him

and live in Brooklyn.

You hear? Now, get up.

Suck up that royal gut.

Extend that lovely little pinky.

Attaboy. Now, give us a lovely,

lovely smile with those pearly-white teeth.

You're a doll. A doll.

All right. From the beginning.

I wanna talk to you, Tom.

Why, Hal, that's sweet of you to ask me.

I'd love to.

Doing a little research, doll face?

Look, son.

I've been wanting to talk to you.

- Yes, sir.

- Talk to you about your future.

I think you should give it

careful consideration.

Just something that you don't,

you know, pass over lightly.

I wanna know, what are you

gonna do with that voice of yours?

Sing the regiment to sleep?

What do you mean?

You have an annuity in your throat.

Why don't you cash in on it?

Go into show business.

My uncle been talking to you?

Only from the floor.

Look, son, I've been working

with talent all my life.

All I've got to do is listen once

and I know. Now, you've got it.

Where you got it, how,

don't know.

But what are you gonna do with it?

Are you gonna waste that voice

on a parade ground singing:

"To the rear, harch.

To the rear, harch."

- Bix, do you like your profession?

- Sure.

Well, I like mine.

Ever since I was an enlisted man,

I considered the Army a profession.

Just like law or medicine.

And that's the thing that people like you

and my uncle refuse to understand.

He wanted me to go to work for him.

Well, maybe you should have listened

to your uncle.

I wouldn't have listened even if

I'd liked him, which I don't.

Neither do I, that thief.

Now, look...

What I'm about to say to you

is just between us.

You and me.

What I wanna do is sign you

to a personal contract.

Bixby exclusive.

You'll be working for me

and I'll be working for you.

I'll teach you everything I know.

Take a couple of years to bring you along.

Then I'll set you in a Broadway show.

Good part. Good part.

And you'll wind up with a lousy fortune.

- Thanks, Bix, no sale.

- No?

When I graduate from here in June,

I've an obligation to the government.

But you could quit. People have been

known to change their agents.

But you don't quit West Point, Bix.

You don't even get busted out.

Unless you break some strict rule

or regulation.

Like violating honor,

or getting found in your studies...

...or getting married.

You see, Bix, what the gentleman

is trying to tell you is no.

Well, think it over,

you might change your mind.

No, not a chance.

But don't think I'm not grateful.

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