The Whole Nine Yards Page #5

I would really hate

to have to kill you.

I would hate it...

...more than mayonnaise.

You know how much I hate mayonnaise.

-Yes, I do.

-Besides, you want Janni Gogolak dead.

That's where you're wrong.

I don't want anybody dead.

If we don't make Janni Gogolak dead,

he's gonna make you dead.

The Gogolaks don't like to leave

witnesses lying around.

Damn it, Jimmy, why did you

have to move in next to me?

Oz, do you know what kind of soil

they have in this back yard?

I'm here two days,

and I got tomatoes--

Oh, my God!

-Why'd you stop?

-Are you doing it tonight?

Tonight, whenever, let's go.

Kick it into gear.

For 1 0,000?

Wait a minute.

You said we were doing this for 1 5.

I changed my mind.

But if you think I should go

and try to find somebody else--

Listen, why don't we make it...

...1 2,500?

I can live with 1 2,500.

As long as my husband doesn't.

He won't.

I promise.

-You must be--

-Jill St. Clair.

Can I just say, Mr. Figueroa...

...that I think the job you did

on Kevin Vincent...

...that and the Ronald Abramson hit,

they were both just...

...works of art.

-I see you've done your homework.

-I keep a scrapbook.

-What's up?

-Honey, why don't you go get Oz?

We'll run through this once more,

make sure we know what we're doing.

-She's a cute kid.

-Got definite potential.

Time to rock and roll.

You know, I got this same car.

-Really?

-No.

All right, nobody move.

Everybody quiet!

God, I'm gonna love this.

So now what?

Now we wait until...

...he's asleep.

Sweet dreams, Jimmy.

Let's get started.

We got company.

Anybody we know?

Oz's wife and some guy.

Probably your replacement.

The new hitter.

Well, there's nothing we can

do about it now.

Keep an eye on them.

Love those pants on you.

So what is he, a bad guy,

your husband?

Actually, everyone seems to like him.

Which might be the thing

I hate most about him.

Let's go over this one more time--

What the hell for?

I wanna make sure

we got everything right.

Any particular way

you want him to die?

What do I care?

I'm out of the country,

shopping for my funeral dress.

Dentist, get the blinds.

Today!

Oh, God.

Of all the times--

You're married, right?

Does your wife have any...?

Feminine products.

Yes, she does.

They're right through there.

I'll show you where they are.

Don't be long.

-"Don't blong"?

-Don't be long.

Gotcha.

You make a noise, he gets out of bed

to see what the problem is...

...and you make him dead, okay?

You understand me?

The dead part?

Then ransack the house

so it looks like a burglary...

...and you get back in this car...

...and we drive like hell back

to Niagara Falls.

Where you're gonna pay me

my other $5000.

My mother's there waiting with it.

Your mother knows about this?

My mother wants this to happen

as much as I do.

And I really, really

want this to happen.

They're gonna kill you.

What?

When they're done with Jimmy, Janni'll

come after you. I came to warn you.

That is....

Janni's not gonna kill anyone.

Jimmy's waiting for them.

Jimmy and Frankie are in, you know--

-Cahoots.

-Right!

-Are you cahooting too?

-I had to pretend I was cahooting.

But listen, I have a plan.

It's time. You two stay here.

You know these guys?

Who is that?

-Is that Janni Gogolak?

-From the Gogolak gang.

It might be.

Jimmy the Tulip lives next door.

Jimmy the Tulip?

Damn!

This is a hit.

Stay right here!

Who's that?

I don't know.

You smell great.

Shoot!

All right, you got a gun now.

Do you wanna use it or not?

Kill him, major.

Yeah, kill him, major.

Show him how you're not

afraid to die.

Shoot!

Looks like you don't want it enough,

what you want.

He laughs when something's funny

for a change.

One Rocco more or less

isn't worth dying for.

Hi. Are you guys looking

for someone?

Hi, Janni.

Watch your head!

You know this whole sneaking-into-

the-house thing to try to kill me?

You guys are really good.

You're really....

Bye, Janni.

What's going on?

Oz took off with your wife,

and Sophie's hitter is outside.

All right, I'll take care of him.

You should get dressed.

You know what?

Better yet, stay just like that...

...and in 60 seconds, stick

your head out that window.

Nice work.

Thanks, Jimmy.

Be right back.

I can't think of nothing finer than

a fine, naked woman holding a gun.

And you just all kinds of fine,

ain't you?

Don't get any ideas.

Seriously sweet ass.

Can I help you?

Now you can get dressed.

-Where do you want this?

-Put it over there.

What was Oz doing,

going off with my wife?

-I can beep him, you can ask him.

-Beep him.

Now, ain't this some sh*t?

Maybe he won't come after us

and will let us go.

Maybe I can talk to him,

reason with him.

We're friends now, right?

-That's what Harry Lefkowitz thought.

-What happened to Harry Lefkowitz?

I don't wanna know what happened

to Harry Lefkowitz.

It's your beeper.

I know.

It's Jimmy.

Jimmy, it's me.

Oz, what were you thinking,

taking off with Cynthia like that?

I'm sorry, but I can't

let you kill her.

What do you mean?

That's got nothing to do with you.

I'm in love with her.

Look, I don't--

What did you say?

I love her.

Listen to yourself.

You love her? You just met her.

-He's in love with Cynthia.

-No sh*t?

-She's the one!

-The one what?

-The one he shtupped in Chicago.

-The one he--

My wife?

You shtupped my wife, Oz?

I wouldn't exactly, necessarily

phrase it that way exactly.

Let me get this straight!

You went to Chicago and engaged

in sexual congress with my wife?!

Is that what you're telling me?!

Is that it?

-Calm down!

-I swear to God--

He's a little upset.

I've managed to upset a mass murderer.

Tell me where you are!

Find out where he is!

Just stay right there!

This is crazy!

You stud, you.

Gonna be a dead stud.

Tell Jimmy I've thought

of a win-win way out of this.

I know you guys got

spare bodies lying around.

Yeah, and get this, one's a cop.

What's he saying?

What's he saying?

Tell him to stay where he is.

I'll be right there.

Sounds great. I'll run it by

the boys and beep you right back.

When's the last time

you went to the dentist?

You really meant it, didn't you?

What you said.

About what? Loving you?

Of course.

What'd you think this was about?

Sex.

-I mean, great sex, but--

-It was pretty good.

Was that all this has meant to you?

Don't get me wrong.

I like you a lot.

Well, that's great to hear,

but I've got news for you.

I don't usually risk my life

for people that just like me.

Well, I do like you.

But....

Then again, who knows? Maybe--

Maybe this feeling

in the pit of my stomach...

...maybe it's love.

It's your beeper.

I know.

It's me.

I'll tell you one thing,

you got balls.

Yeah, who knew?

Jill told me your idea.

I think it's worth a try.

-Jimmy, thank you.

-Just so you know...

...l am disappointed.

I am extremely...

...disappointed with you.

Believe me, you're the last person

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