The Whole Ten Yards Page #3

Synopsis: Thanks to falsified dental records supplied by his former neighbor Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky (Matthew Perry), retired hit man Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis) now spends his days compulsively cleaning his house and perfecting his culinary skills with his wife, Jill, a purported assassin who has yet to pull off a clean hit. Suddenly, an uninvited and unwelcome connection to their past unexpectedly shows up on Jimmy and Jill's doorstep: it's Oz, and he's begging them to help him rescue his wife from the Hungarian mob. To complicate matters even further, the men, who are out to get Oz, are led by Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak), a childhood rival of Jimmy's and another notorious hit man. Oz, Jimmy and Jill will have to go the whole nine yards--and then some--to manage the mounting Mafioso mayhem.
Director(s): Howard Deutch
Production: Warner Bros.
  1 win & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
5.5
Metacritic:
24
Rotten Tomatoes:
4%
PG-13
Year:
2004
98 min
$16,247,590
Website
275 Views


Thanks, I got it.

Hold still or you're gonna

look like a Hare Krishna.

That's funny.

- Are you okay?

- Am I bleeding?

- No. Hello.

- Jill!

- Who's that?

- I can't talk now.

Who is that? Give me the phone.

Give me--

Give me the phone.

- Who is this?

- Jimmy. Jimmy, hi, it's Oz.

- Oz? How the hell did Oz get our number?

- I don't know.

What did I tell you

about ever calling here?

I think you said something

about killing me--

Yes, killing me and beating me to death

with my own corpse. That's what it was.

Yeah, good memory. What do you want?

- I'm in Mexico.

- You're in Mexico?

I was thinking I would swing by--

If you come by this house, Oz...

...if you come within 25 miles,

I will back a car over your head 75 times.

Okay.

Hi, I'm a dead man.

Good talking to you.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Stay away from the vehicle.

Get out of the car. Get out.

Jimmy! Jimmy, don't shoot,

it's me, it's Oz!

I know.

That almost hit me.

How you doing?

- Are you wearing bunny slippers?

- Stay away from my chickens, Oz.

Oh, my God. Oh, no. Blanche!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Blanche!

- Who's Blanche?

- Consuelo!

Xerxes! Alert the others,

there's been a tragedy!

Who's Blanche?

This is Blanche.

- You killed her.

- I'm sorry.

Go home, Oz. Go home before

something bad happens.

Something bad already has happened.

Cynthia's been kidnapped.

Poor Blanche. Cut down in her prime.

He names his chickens.

You name your chickens?

Blanche! You're dead!

Hey, Oz, you're here.

He killed Blanche.

- What are you doing here?

- I'd like to know. What are you doing here?

- Put a sock in it. We talk all the time.

- Jill.

Really. You talk all the time?

We spoke once. And I think it was mostly

about some kind of fruit.

- Are you alone?

- Yeah.

- You weren't followed?

- No.

- How would you know?

- Honey.

Well, now that he's here, he's staying

for lobster la Tudeski.

''Lobster la Tudeski''? I can't stay

for lobster la Tudeski.

- Lazlo Gogolak was at my house.

- Oh, my God.

- Am I setting a place or not?

- Yes, please.

- What is the matter with him?

- It's a long story. Talk to me.

Well, Cynthia's been kidnapped.

- Are you serious?

- Yes.

- Lazlo wants Jimmy's head for killing Janni.

- He came to your house?

Wouldn't this conversation be so much

better dining on my masterpiece?

What's wrong with him?

Are you crazy? Are you out of your mind?

They know you're alive.

- How would they know?

- They do.

Oh, look, honey, we have

a squealer in the house.

A squealer? I'm not a squealer!

I've never squealed on anybody.

How do they know, Oz?

They have Cynthia. I need your help.

- Yeah.

- And I'm your friend.

You know what, Oz?

Friendship is overrated.

I got enough friends. In fact, I'm thinking

about maybe losing a couple.

This could be great. A way

to get back in the game.

Yes, back in the game.

I don't wish to get back in the game.

I like cooking.

I like cleaning. And I like to decorate.

- We're talking about Cynthia here.

- Yes, Cynthia. Your ex- wife?

''Ex'' would be the key word

in that sentence, Oz.

If you don't get off your ass

and help get Cynthia...

...I'll never talk to you again.

If you ever grab me like that again,

I will stick a knife in your face.

Is that clear?

We'll talk about it over dinner...

...which is probably ruined.

Go wash your hands.

We eat in 1 5 minutes.

He's kidding.

You better go wash your hands, Oz.

Well, it really is a nice presentation.

It would have been,

if we hadn't let the sauce clot.

The potatoes were supposed to be floating

around the lobster, not just stuck like that.

I had this tricolore thing going on.

It looks great.

I would hate to think you were

placating me to talk about Cynthia.

No. No.

- Is that Hebrew?

- Yeah.

- Aren't you Catholic?

- Yeah. Devout.

- That makes sense.

- Oz...

...give us the lowdown on Cynthia.

She's pregnant.

Oh, my God! That's so great!

Thanks. The funny thing is,

we weren't trying.

Oh, my God, that's great.

- Any idea where they're keeping her?

- With Lazlo. What's the matter with him?

Nothing, don't worry. This is just

his way of expressing joy lately.

Oh, so this is how a

retired mass murderer acts.

This is how a retired mass murderer behaves

when people show up uninvited for dinner!

- Noted.

- Jimmy.

- How many goons does he have with him?

- Seven, eight.

- And his son.

- Strabonitz?

Well, should I go to the police?

Kidnapping would put him away forever.

He'd make her disappear to avoid

going back to the slammer.

Why are you asking me?

- This is Oz's problem.

- Jimmy.

You have to help me.

What, are you nuts? I got

a great thing going on down here, Oz.

Plus, I'm safe down here.

Besides, I don't care what happens

with you and Cynthia.

I'm not uprooting my life

to save your sorry ass.

Light it up like a piata!

You told them where I live?

You're dead.

Told them where I live.

You're a dead man.

- Jimmy, are you coming or not?!

- You can run, but you can't hide!

Let's go!

Oz! Oz.

Put the--

Let's go!

You better run, tooth- boy.

I get a second, I'm gonna slice you up.

Anyone hit anything yet?

Let's go.

Will you come on?

This idiot. Will you come on?

Get up!

Go!

They're getting away!

Come on!

You're shooting at the house,

they're in the car. You had one shot.

All right, it was a nice shot.

It was. Come here.

It was a nice shot.

Nice shooting, honey.

Thanks, honey.

The sons of batches got away.

So do I clip her or not?

Keep Cynthia happy for the time being.

Can you do that?

Not likely.

Sick bastards!

What?! What is it? What?

Janni.

I want him dead.

Dead!

Yesterday!

Before breakfast!

Before eggs!

Scrambled.

I don't understand why

we have to dump my car.

It's not your business

to understand.

It's not my business to leave

my $80,000 car in Mexico.

Maybe you got a plan there.

Take the car, lose the wife.

- Good plan.

- I'll get the tickets.

You do that, you squealer.

- I didn't squeal on anybody.

- The Gogolaks showed up on their own?

- Forget it, Jill.

- It means he's a rat and a liar.

You married someone in the

witness protection program.

You got a really funny way...

...of asking for help, squeal cheese!

- Please help me?

- Well, that's a little better.

But it still doesn't help, now that

the bad guys know where I live.

- You're spitting in my mouth.

- Just go and get the tickets, squeal weasel!

- How was that?

- It was good.

- Scary.

- Really?

Come here.

So, Oz, congratulations

on Cynthia being pregnant.

Thank you.

You think I'd be a good father?

- You don't think I'd be a good father?

- I didn't say that.

You didn't say anything.

No, I think you'd be a good father.

- I didn't understand what you were--

- Shut up.

- Why are we on this bus?

- Your car's got a GPS system on it.

I figure that's how Lazlo

tracked you down.

- That's what I'm hoping, for your sake.

- For my sake?

Yeah. Because if that's not the case...

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George Gallo

George Gallo, Jr. (born 1956) is an American screenwriter, film director, producer, painter and musician.He is best known for writing Midnight Run and 29th Street, and is an accomplished painter in the style of the Pennsylvania Impressionists. In 1990, he won the coveted Arts for the Parks award, and has had three one-man exhibitions in New York City. In 2010, he wrote and directed the film Middle Men starring Luke Wilson.He currently lives in Los Angeles. more…

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