The Whole Ten Yards Page #7

There seems to be a little static.

- Are you going through a canyon?

- Am I going through a canyon? No.

Hello?

- Hello?

- Lazlo? Lazlo?

Dentist! Can you hear me?

You're seconds from dead.

Strabonitz.

Hey, Jill.

- It's me. How you doing?

- Let me ask you something.

If you hadn't taken the wrong bag,

would we be talking?

- Are you mad or something?

- Get real.

- I mean, seriously.

- No.

All right? You happy now?

I chased you away

so I could protect you, Jill.

- I don't know why you don't believe that.

- I don't believe you.

- Jill.

- I don't trust you.

How am I supposed to have a kid

with somebody I don't trust?

Forget it. I don't even know if

I wanna have a kid with you anymore.

Hold on a minute.

I think that if I were pregnant

right now, I wouldn't even tell you.

If you had a son and I--

And you were his mom and I was his dad...

...you wouldn't let me see him?

- Not once.

- Don't say that.

- Take it back right now.

- I'm not.

You better tell me everything now

or I'm not gonna help you.

How far back does this thing go?

Like a couple days or something.

You're so full of it.

You're gonna lie to me more?

All right, months.

You happy now?

And why was Cynthia in on it?

I wanted to keep you

out of harm's way.

- You trusted her not to get hurt.

- Jill.

I gotta go help Oz. For me to do that,

I've gotta go up there.

- Just do everything I told you, all right?

- Don't worry.

I'll remember everything you told me.

Call Mrs. Himelfarb,

remind her to floss...

...cancel my appointments

for the rest of my life...

...send in as much nitrous as you can,

call the FBI.

- What?

- Call the FBI!

- What's wrong?

- What's wrong? What's wrong?

I'll tell you.

Everything's wrong.

Take a look around you.

Nothing's right.

Cynthia got kidnapped by Hungarian killers.

And instead of calling the FBI...

...or the police,

like every other rational man, I thought:

''Hey, let's try to get in contact with

somebody else that kills a lot of people.''

So I went down to Mexico,

which is heavily underdeveloped...

...and I asked him to help me.

Did he?

No, he didn't help me out.

He didn't help me out!

Know what he did?

He put on bunny slippers...

...he shot at me and then

he cooked me some chicken!

I'm gonna be okay.

I'm gonna calm down...

...I'm gonna go downstairs and I'm gonna

take a nice, leisurely drive in my Porsche.

Wait a minute. I can't drive my Porsche,

because I don't have one anymore.

That's gone, that's history,

that's archives!

We left the Porsche so we could get

on a bus and rent some other car.

And you know why?

Because I don't. Do you?

Some kind of GPS,

I don't know, system.

- What's that smell?

- I'll tell you what that smell is. It's me.

I smell. And you know why?

I've been wearing this suit

for three days. I smell like ass.

Or foot. Or some kind of foot...

...that's been lodged up deep, deep, deep

inside an ass. I'll tell you the worst thing:

I woke up naked next to another

naked man who admittedly wets the bed.

So if you talk to anybody

or anybody calls here...

...you tell them I fell down

a flight of stairs.

- Yes, sir.

- Don't ''Yes, sir'' me!

- Call the FBI.

- Calling. I'm calling.

Dial F- B- I.

Call the FBI and tell them

I fell down a flight of stairs!

Going to the feds is the thing

that's gonna get Cynthia killed.

What are you doing here?

I don't need you anymore.

I can handle this on my own.

I'm an adult.

You okay?

Thanks.

Let's face it, Oz. Kicking ass is not

your expertise. That's my job.

Hanging on to the woman you love

is where I fall a little short.

- How do you do that?

- What?

That. That.

One minute I wanna kill you,

the next minute you got me...

...feeling sorry for you.

- Oz, you really are a good guy.

And I don't want you, Cynthia or anyone

else paying for my past sins.

I thought you said friendship

was overrated.

I'm a liar.

- So, what do we do?

- Go get Cynthia.

- How?

- You just leave that to Jimmy Tudeski.

- God, Julie. Julie, Julie...

...don't call the FBI!

- Julie who?

My receptionist.

Your wife's replacement.

- Julie, what did you do?

- I chloroformed his ass.

Why?

You don't have to tell me why.

Now, you can go quietly or your ass

can get the chloroform too.

- What kind of receptionist are you?

- The kind that doesn't forget...

...who murdered her brother.

- What?

Look, I'm gonna get

the temp agency on the phone.

Don't you dare make a move,

Dr. Oseransky. Keep your ass right there.

Julie. Julie, if that is your real name--

My name is Jules. Jules Figueroa.

- Frankie Figs?

- Frankie Figs.

You remember that? He was my brother.

And I do believe you knew him.

- I'll take that chloroform now.

- Yeah, I know you will.

- You smell great, baby.

- Oz.

You know, I don't have to be

at work today. We can:

Oz.

Jimmy.

Jimmy. Jimmy!

lt's been a long time since

I've been chloroformed.

Still got that little zing to it,

though.

Tastes like they put a bunch of pennies

in your mouth, doesn't it?

Jimmy, I'm sorry.

- I didn't find it.

- What?

You've been here three days.

- I got into the safe. It's not there.

- Safe?

- It's here somewhere.

- This isn't exactly...

...what we talked about, either.

- Calm down.

- What do mean, ''Calm down''?

- All right? I'm on it.

What safe? Why are you guys

talking together so much?

Have you been involved in this

from the beginning?

- Oz...

- Correct me if I'm wrong...

...but we took vows.

One was you're not

supposed to pretend you're kidnapped...

...and get your husband shot at

while he's trying to save you.

- That was uncalled for.

- I'm not a lawyer...

...but I believe this is grounds for divorce.

And what is that sound?

- That's chain saws.

- Chain saw. Check.

Hack tub.

What is that for?

- What is it?

- They hack us up into pieces in that...

...so blood doesn't get everywhere.

- I see.

They put the hacked- up

pieces in those bags.

- Are you done?

- Yes, he's done.

Jimmy Tulip.

The rat- sh*t scum of Chicago.

Mr. Tough Guy...

...served up to me on a platter

by the pretty black girl.

That stings.

I made you who you are

and you stab me in the heart...

...with something sharp.

He made you who you are?

Oh, yes. Could not fire a slingshot

until I taught him how.

''Pay attention, little boy. Hold it firm.

Stop crying and watch.

Like this.''

- Where's Strabo?

- I'm pretty sure he's with Janni right now.

Where is my son?

- Where's my boy?!

- All right, that's it. I've had enough.

- Oz.

- No. If you ever wanna see your son...

...alive again, you'll let

us go right now.

Is that right?

Yeah, that's right.

And if we're not out of here by 1 1 :00...

...Jill's gonna put one in Strabo's forehead,

just like Jimmy put one in Janni's forehead.

- It wasn't pretty.

- Give me a gun.

- Not bad, Oz.

- Thanks.

- I think it's Jimmy's wife.

- What?

No. That was going so well.

- What is this?

- I wanna come in...

...and talk business with you.

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