The Wicker Tree Page #2

doors slammed in your faces

by these city pecple?

Now, our country neighbors

may seem like a bunch

of heathens to you,

but they will hear you out.

And that I'll promise you.

Okay.

Okay, I know we're doing

the right thing.

And don't for a minute think

that I'm not real grateful

to y'all for the invite.

It's just maybe we gave up

on them city folk too soon.

Forget it.

I'm just being dumb.

Ain't this a Rolls-Royce?

No, Steve, sir.

This is a Hotchkiss.

On a Rolls, sir,

that figure would be

the Spirit of Ecstasy.

But this here is

our goddess Sulis.

Sir Lachlan

had her made special

for this classic Hotchkiss,

built 1929,

as part of his collection

of great cars of the past,

as you may see.

Delia:
Sulis is our

Celtic name for her.

Of course, the Romans,

when they were here,

called her Minerva.

And she doesn't

suffer fools gladly.

She is the goddess

of the bright, intelligent people

we all like to think we are.

So about this goddess--

you were kidding, right?

I take it that both of you

are what you call

born again.

Yeah.

Delia:
And do intelligent

people like you believe,

as 14 million American born again

apparently do,

that the day Jesus returns,

everyone who is not

born again

will bleed to death--

even innocent children

in Borneo

who've never even heard

ofJesus?

Do you believe that?

Heck, I don't know.

But if it says so in the Bible,

yes, ma'am,

because we believe

that everything--

that every word in the Bible

was inspired by God.

So it must be true, right?

Interesting.

Sir Lachlan.

Thank you.

Hello, everybody.

I'm so glad

you two can come.

This is going to be fun,

trying to convert us heathens.

You're quite the famous dude

around here, sir.

How comes that?

What makes him famous around here

is that everyone works for him.

Infamous, more like Monty Burns

in "The Simpsons."

Anything goes wrong--

I'm usually the villain.

Morning, Lolly.

How's my Prince today?

He's been missing you,

Sir Lachlan.

That's Beth Boothby, isn't it?

Whoa.

Delia and I are throwing a special party

for her at the manor house on Sunday.

Everyone's invited,

so spread the word.

Beth, of course,

is our very special guest.

Lolly here is our head groom.

- What a beauty.

- Steve.

The horse, Beth.

If that ain't one beautiful horse.

I'm terribly sorry.

This is Steve.

As you can see,

he's from America, too.

- How would you like to ride him?

- I'd like it fine,

but I think young Beth here

would kill me first.

And you'd deserve it.

You know very well I'm asking Steve

if he'd like to ride Prince.

Ride that horse?

Are you kidding me? You bet.

Go on.

( geese honking )

( cawing )

Morning, Jack.

An American guest for us, Jack.

How about a greeting?

( Stuttering )

"'Prophet!' say I, 'thing of evil!--

prophet still,

if bird or devil!--

On this home,

by horror haunted--

tell me truly, I implore--

ls there--

is there balm in Gilead?--

tell me--

tell me, I implore!"'

- Nevermore.

- Whoa.

Oh, stop showing off, Jack.

It's one of his party pieces.

He can't resist

trying it out on strangers.

He doesn't really think

you're a prophet.

We can't understand a word

he's saying half the time,

- so we call him the Oracle.

- Oracle?

Yes, it's like a--

like a prophet,

like Ezekiel in your Bible.

You're kidding me.

I probably am,

but don't take offense.

Now, Steve,

mindful of your silver rings,

we're splitting you up.

Beth will be staying with Mary Hillier,

our housekeeper,

while you will be left in the capable

hands of Peter McNeill here.

He'll look after you.

Won't you, Peter?

Thanks, bud.

Welcome, Steve.

Nice to meet you, sir.

This way.

Sorry I'm late.

Bad news, Orlando.

I've got to be back by 8:00.

8:
00? Oh, that's really not fair.

I've arranged the whole outing.

It's my first evening off

since I've arrived here.

Come in, come in, Lolly.

Can't be seen kissing

in the street, not in uniform.

Oh, well, why don't you

take off the uniform

and let me see that lovely

Italian body of yours?

Orlando--

such a sexy name.

More sexy than Lolly?

And apart from my granddad,

I'm as Scottish

as you are, Lolly.

( Cawing )

Let me get this for you, miss.

Beth.

That's Mary Hillier,

our housekeeper.

Oh. ( laughs)

- Hello. I'm Mary.

- Hi, Mary.

Welcome, welcome.

Come on, shall I take you in?

- Yeah.

- Okay. Yes.

Mary:

Now this is it.

So what do you do, Jack,

aside from feed those birds?

S-s-sometimes I hunt

for haddocks' eyes

among the heather bright

and work them into

waistcoat buttons

in the silent night.

My daddy done that.

He was shitfaced

with moonshine,

thought I'd turned into some

Godzilla or some darn thing.

I was lucky the other

five shots missed

and hit some poor

old cow.

Would you care for a game

of cards, Steve?

I mean, we only play

for pennies.

Oh, no, no, no, sir.

I don't gamble no more.

I used to before I was saved.

I like cards.

What I really like is to read them

the same as I read the Bible.

Would you all guys

like to see?

- Of course, yeah.

- Aye.

Well, when I see the ace,

it reminds me

there is one God.

And the deuce

reminds me

the Bible's divided

into two parts--

there's the Old

and the New Testaments.

And when I see the three,

I think of the Father,

the Son and the Holy Spirit.

And when I see the four,

it reminds me of the four evangelists

who preached the Gospel.

And the five--

( chuckles )

I think of the five wise virgins

who trimmed their lamps.

There were 10.

Five were wise and saved.

Five were foolish

and shut out.

The six--

I think of the six days

it took God

to make this great heaven

and this earth.

And when I see the seven,

it reminds me

that on the seventh day

God took His day of rest.

And when I see the eight,

I think of the eight

righteous persons God saved

when He destroyed

all on earth.

With the nine--

Just a minute. May I?

Go ahead, bud.

When I see the nine...

( laughs )

I think of the lepers

our Savior cleansed,

and nine out of the 10

didn't even thank Him.

And when I see the 10,

I think of the 10 commandments

God handed down to Moses

on a tablet of stone.

And when I see the king,

it reminds me there is but one

King in heaven-- God Almighty.

And when I see the queen,

I think of the blessed

Virgin Mary, queen of all heaven.

And the jack--

why, he's the devil.

( laughter)

J' Will you go, laddie, go J'

J' To the braes 0' Balquhidder? J'

J' We'll crown the laddie's queen J'

J' And we'll feast the night

together J'

J' Will you go, laddie, go? J'

Woman:

J' When the spring is in its prime J'

J' And flowers are

freshly blooming J'

J' And the wild

mountain thyme J'

J' All the moorland perfuming J'

J' Will you go, laddie, go? J'

Oh, my God.

It really is Beth Boothby.

Our surprise guest.

No, Morag.

Could I?

Could I get a wee autograph?

It's not for me.

It's for our Johnny.

He's wild about you.

That was a real pretty song

you were singing, Morag.

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