The Wicker Tree Page #3

It's one of our May Day songs.

Do you celebrate

May Day in America?

Like the Easter parade?

Chocolate bunnies?

( laughs )

Not quite.

Well, Easter's definitely

a big deal in the church--

you know, Jesus

and the resurrection.

Our May Day is much much

older than Easter.

Few Christians realize

that the timing of their Easter

is controlled by the moon.

Our goddess.

May Day is the day

that we celebrate

the rebirth of everything

in nature--

the blossoming trees,

the new crops,

the sap rising

in our own bodies.

( Giggles )

Do you not feel it?

Would you like to see

the May Queen's dress we're making?

I'd love to.

Would you like to try it on?

You'd be the first to wear it.

- Really?

- Uh-huh.

(women humming)

Oh, wow.

J' The light lilting chorus J'

J' Will you go, laddie, go? J'

Can I see it?

Mary:
Okay.

Oh, wow.

(giggles)

This is the coolest dress.

Oh, you guys are so clever.

I wish y'all could make something

for my next gig.

I'm being really selfish.

Why don't y'all try it on?

The May Queen

is elected, Beth.

No one tries on the queen's dress

except the queen.

We made an exception

for you, Beth,

because I happen to know

that Lachlan and Delia

rather hope you'll consent to be

the May Queen yourself.

I shouldn't have

told you that,

cause I know they want

to ask you themselves.

( mews )

(moaning )

Orlando!

Orgasissimo!

Oh!

Whew.

Five times?

Sure.

Why not

seven?

I'm sure you, Orlando,

could do it.

Italian men are

such wonderful lovers.

What a great idea.

Are you on?

Nobody would touch

that record.

You keep records here?

No, not really.

Well, quite informally.

You really are a treat, Orlando.

Scots and Englishmen

can always find their way

to the pub,

but when it comes

to the clitoris,

they think it's an island off Greece

famous for its ouzo.

J' Bonny lads

0' Gala Water J'

J' I'll kilt my skirt

upon my knee... J'

( piano playing )

Woman:

J' I tempted him with apples J'

J' All golden in the light J'

J' He laid me in the orchard J'

J' Till the day turned

into night J'

J' And since he plucked

my cherry J'

J' All juicy, red and ripe J'

J' He sampled all the berries J'

J' Till the taste of me he won J'

J' A tryst is in the forest J'

J' Where no one else

will come J'

J' And he don't want

any gooseberries J'

J' A-spoiling all our fun J'

J' Oh, the fruits

of the forest J'

J' And the fruits of the tree J'

J' I'll give to my love

( Caws )

( Caws )

( birds chirping )

( car approaches )

Lachlan:
Steve.

Steve, wake up.

- Good morning, Steve.

- Good morning, sir.

You remember Prince?

We thought you might like

to look around the countryside,

so we brought him along

for you to ride.

All right!

I'll be right down.

So which way, ma'am?

If I were you, I'd take him

to the old castle--

left at the end,

over the bridge,

follow the river.

You might want to shorten

those stirrups a bit, Steve.

Oh, no, no, no, ma'am.

I always ride like this.

Thank you very much.

Morning.

He's going to the castle.

Man:

He won't get far.

Whoa.

Down, boy. Down, boy.

Ah, Steve.

So what do you think of Prince

now you've ridden him?

Awesome.

That's one real special horse.

The Anthea lady--

she warned me about the stirrups.

I nearly hit the dirt

back there.

- Why don't you come for a swim?

- Oh, I really can't do that.

Sulis is real welcoming

this morning.

It'll make your skin feel velvety.

It's giving me good vibes.

I just can't believe

this is for real.

You want me to come in?

Oh, what the hell?

Sulis-- ain't that

some kind of goddess?

How did you know that?

I saw her on the front

of Lachlan's vehicle.

She's cute.

I'm glad you approved of her.

I posed for the wee statue.

It was a great honor.

This is Sulis's

sacred spring.

Wow, Sulis.

You gotta be kidding me

about this.

This is just some

warm water, right?

You believe a certain virgin

had a baby, don't you?

Why can't you believe, like I do,

that this water has a holy power?

I believe whatever's written

in the Bible, Lolly.

That's Holy Writ.

Come on, Steve.

It'll make you feel

out of this world.

Are you thinking

about Beth?

I can let you into a secret.

Lachlan wants her

to be the May Queen.

I think he might like you to be

the Laddie. Would you go for that?

What's the Laddie?

The Laddie?

You've not heard tell of the Laddie?

He is the brightest

and best,

the handsomest,

the kindest, the goodest,

perhaps the best rider.

I have known him to be

the best lover.

I never dreamed

it could be like that.

Think it might go on

forever and ever.

Kind of hoping it would.

I always look for something

that l know

even Sulis cannot give me--

a child.

But I know

that if it does happen,

it will have happened here.

What do you mean,

"always"?

Well, I am what the goddess

wants me to be--

all things to all men.

We've got a word for that

back in Texas, yeah,

and it ain't pretty.

Still,

I reckon somehow

you're different.

I'm glad.

Lost something?

Yeah.

I guess it don't matter no more.

You lost it, you lost it.

Ain't no going back.

Here comes the big,

unreadable book

that's supposed to

explain everything?

A big pile of these in the house--

I used them as a doorstop.

- ( chuckles )

- Now, what we have here

is the latest report on what we've done

in the 10 years since the accident

to make our environment

entirely secure.

Naturally, you will have

some questions,

but I asked you here to rebut

some absolutely untrue

reports in the press.

Yes, Patricia.

You've been protesting

about my piece in "The Ecologist"

with which Magnus

absolutely concurs,

so will you not just agree

that nuclear is just too expensive

and just too damned dangerous

to live nearby?

Patricia,

the greatest power station

in our solar system

is dangerous-- the sun.

It creates deserts,

melts icecaps,

causes cancer.

We've been living with it

since our ancestors crawled out

of the primeval slime.

Respect and understanding

for these forces of nature

is the key to controlling them,

Patricia.

Nuclear is just one of them.

( chuckles )

I'm convener here for my union.

Do you think I'd risk

my members' lives?

Can I quote you

on your "slimy ancestors,"

Sir Lachlan?

Yes, of course.

Man:
Patricia said we're the best

double act since Laurel and Hardy.

( laughs )

After the accident,

the press went on

about the danger

of a nuclear catastrophe.

Funny that they never do

their homework.

A river is a river,

but the water table

is another thing.

One flows.

The other is static.

Lachlan:
Journalists--

thank heavens they have

the attention span

of wet hens.

The accident did poison the water table.

Now the villagers are infertile.

Sick babies they might notice,

even deformed babies.

But virtually no babies--

no comment

so far.

( cheering, applause )

We have come a long way

to remind you folks

about Jesus,

because I just know

you've already heard about Him,

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