The Witches Page #6

[Grand High Witch]

I want them removed.

[Mr. Stringer] Well, I’ll…

I’ll see what I can do.

Madam, I procured this, uh, for you today.

I thought you might like it.

It’s a kitty carrier.

And I thought you could put your feline friend in there and you can transport him all over the hotel, including the dining room.

Thought you might like that.

Well, let me tell you something,

Mister Cat-Cage-Procurer.

I will never, ever allow my precious puss to be… [Hades yowls]

[Hades growls and purrs]

Well, look at that.

He likes it in there.

[grunts quietly]

Oh, madam, I almost forgot.

Regarding your ladies’ dinner this evening, we have neglected to select a soup.

Now, there are two choices.

One is our Cajun spice crab Creole, and the other one is our plantation kitchen split pea.

[inhales sharply]

Which one is cheaper?

Well, madam, I’m sure you will appreciate that the crab is fresh and it is…

[shouts] Which one?

[groans]

[sighs]

Plantation kitchen split pea.

That’s the one.

Then we will have the split pea soup.

Yes, madam.

[Grand High Witch] And… no garlic in the soup.

No what?

Garlic.

No garlic?

Did I stutter?

No garlic.

My women, all suffer from a selective food avoidance disorder.

Picky eaters.

Yes, madam.

As you wish.

I will inform the chef.

You do that.

I’ll let myself out.

You do that.

Well, my precious, since you enjoy being in that cage so much, -you can stay in it!

[snarls]

Traitor!

[Grandma] Mouse Maker potion.

A drop of hyssop…

[fizzing]

A smidgen of mugwort…

And now, a dash of healing water, straight from Lourdes.

This is the most powerful healing water there is.

Okay.

Now let’s all join hands and bow our heads.

[liquid fizzing]

Well, I’ll be…

Not much more to say than that. [sighs]

We had to try something, kids.

This witch’s power is far greater than my little home remedies.

Evil power.

[Grandma] And strong.

Much stronger than me.

Please don’t cry, Grandma.

It’ll be okay.

[Grandma] I’m sorry, children.

It’s not your fault, Grandma.

Sometimes things just happen.

Yeah, they do.

I actually don’t mind being a mouse.

I get to hang out with my new friends all day,

Don’t have to go to school anymore, and I don’t have to learn how to drive, which means I’ll never get into an accident.

Oh, child.

Come here.

Grandma, will you still take care of me?

Even if I stay a mouse?

[Grandma] Of course I will, darling.

Doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like, so long as somebody loves you.

And I always will.

What about my friends?

Can they stay too?

Well, of course.

If they want to, but don’t forget, they all have loved ones who miss them.

I’m not so sure about that.

Don’t be a fool.

I’m sure they love you.

My mother thinks I’m clumsy, and my father complains that I’m always hungry.

Well, maybe this will help them love you for who you are, not for who you ain’t.

You’re fortunate to have parents, Bruno.

Some of us don’t.

But we’re gonna be okay.

We have Grandma.

And she’ll always be our family.

And for that we are very blessed.

But what I wanna know is why are we standing around here lollygagging?

How are we gonna stop those horrible witches from turning more children into mice?

She’s right.

We got to do something.

I know what we’ll do.

I sneak into the kitchen with the Number 86 Mouse Maker, then I slip the potion into the witches’ pea soup and turn them all into mice.

Are you sure about this, little man?

This sounds like it could be a very dangerous

And scary mission.

Trust me, Grandma, I can handle it.

[dramatic music playing]

I’ll meet you in the lobby bar.

Bruno and Daisy know which vent.

Be careful, darling.

I will, Grandma.

[sous chef] Hurry up there!

[chef] The pea soup is ready.

No garlic.

[sous chef] I got the soup, no garlic, Chef, coming right up.

[chef] Where are my prawns?

This is not a prawn, this is a shrimp.

– You don’t know the difference – between a shrimp and a prawn?

Count the pincers.

Un, deux. One, two.

Let’s start ladling out that soup.

Come on, you people.

[chef rushing in French]

[sous chef] Yes, Chef.

[grunting]

[chef in English]

What are you doing, huh?

[sous chef] I’m getting the prawns ready.

[chef] Don’t tell me that’s a prawn.

I’m a crustacean expert.

[sous chef] This is a prawn.

[chef] I’ve been sauteing prawns for 30 years

And I only use butter.

[sous chef] Only butter?

[chef] Never oil.

I don’t give a damn about what nutritionists say.

They are the ruination of cuisine.

Always butter, butter only.

[chef speaking French]

[in English]

Where are my prawns?

Who do I have to get some prawns around here?

[chef shouts in French]

[in English] Let’s start ladling out that soup.

[sous chef] Yes, Chef.

[chef] Are you crying?

There’s no crying in my kitchen.

[gasps]

Chef, this soup needs some garlic.

Absolutely no garlic.

Stringer’s orders.

Grease fire.

[sous chef] We got fire blankets under those sinks.

[chef] Are those my prawns that just exploded?

[grunts]

Forget the prawn, just throw some shrimp in there.

You idiots don’t know how… [bubbling]

[chuckles]

Someone get me a sharp knife so that I can kill myself.

[chef grunts]

Somebody call an exterminator.

Look, there’s my mother and father.

That’s your mother and father?

As I live and breathe.

Bruno, I think it’s time to say hello to your parents.

Are you mad?

Right here in the bar?

There’s no time like the present.

[Grandma clears throat]

Excuse me, are you Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins?

Can we help you?

I’m afraid I have some, well, strange news about your son, Bruno.

What about Bruno?

Where is he?

Maybe we can go somewhere a bit more private.

[Mr. Jenkins] Private?

Why do we have to be private?

It’s not an easy thing for him to explain.

He’d be much more comfortable we all went up to your room.

No, no, look here, madam,

I’m perfectly comfortable exactly where I am.

So, either you tell me where I can find Bruno or you just leave us alone now.

[Grandma] Well… got him right here.

[shrieks]

That’s a mouse! A mouse!

What in God’s name is wrong with you?

Get that filthy rodent out of here!

No, no, no, no. This is Bruno.

Bruno, say something to them.

[Mrs. Jenkins screaming]

“Say something”?

Are you insane?

Get away from us before I call the manager.

Quit all this hollering.

This is your son, Bruno.

Manager! Someone get me the manager.

This woman has just scared my wife half to death.

She’s walking around with rats in her handbag.

[sighs]

Bruno, why didn’t you say something?

My father hates it when I talk with my mouth full.

[Hero] Psst! Grandma.

Down here.

There you are.

Thank the Lord.

So, how’d it go?

Soup is on.

Look! The pea soup.

[waiter] Here we are, garlic free.

Excuse me, madam, may I have a word with you?

Please, this way.

Just over here.

Um… You wouldn’t happen to be carrying around a mouse on your person now, would you?

A mouse?

Mmm-hmm.

Why on earth would I be carrying around a mouse?

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