The Witches Page #7

Does this have anything to do with all the rat traps being set up all over this hotel?

Rat traps?

Is this your pathetic idea of a smoke screen?

Accusing your guests of carrying around mice

To hide the fact that this hotel has a mouse infestation.

Shh. No… Shh. What?

I’ll tell you this.

For what this hotel is costing me, I better not see a single mouse.

Not even a tiny, cute one.

Yes, madam. I’m so…

My mistake. I’m sorry.

Luther.

Would you please show this lady to our finest table?

Certainly.

This way.

Apologies, madam, I, it’s just…

[Grandma] Mmm.

Our finest table, madam.

Oh, uh, thank you, Luther.

I’m sure your finest table in this lovely establishment is this one right here next to the kitchen.

I always prefer a table near the exit so I can get out fast.

Of course.

[Grandma] Mmm.

[footsteps approaching]

[Bruno grunts]

[Hero whispers]

Check it out.

They love the soup.

[waiter] Have you decided?

Uh, yes, I think I’ll have the jambalaya.

Excellent. And would you like something to start?

[Grandma] Mmm…

Well, that pea soup those fancy ladies are eating looks good.

I’ll have that.

I’m sorry.

That soup is reserved

Strictly for that group of lady guests only.

If I may, that large party suffers from a severe garlic allergy.

So, they have requested their soup be prepared garlic free.

It is very bland.

Practically inedible.

[witches slurping]

[Grandma] I see.

That sounds disgusting.

[waiter] May I suggest the Cajun spice crab Creole?

It’s one of our signature dishes.

[Grandma] Uh, sounds…

[waiter] Yes?

Uh, the… The shrimp Creole will be fine.

[waiter] You mean the crab Creole?

Yes, yes, the crab Creole.

[waiter] Very good.

[quietly] Keep your heads down, we got company.

[whispers] Pigtails.

I’m sorry?

[drawling] Pigtails.

You wore pigtails.

[Grandma] Do I know you?

Many years ago, in a shabby little town.

A shabby little town right here in Alabama.

You wore pigtails.

And you got away from me.

Remember?

But I got that horrid little friend of yours.

Remember…

[gagging]

[clucking]

[giggling]

Quick, mouse ladder.

[all grunt]

It was you.

You were the filthy witch who turned Alice.

[wheezing]

Aw… That’s a nasty…

[witch whimpering]

[Saoirse gobbling convulsively]

[witches gasping]

[smoke hissing]

[witches whimpering]

[screeching]

[witches screaming]

[smoke hissing]

[witches screaming]

What are you doing?

[squeaking]

[all screaming]

Grandma, look.

[all giggle]

Attaboy.

[witches screaming]

[grunts angrily]

[screeching]

[all screaming]

[all laughing]

High five, baby!

Mmm-hmm! That’s some serious ratification.

[rats squeaking]

[people whimpering]

[man] Oh, my God!

It’s on my leg!

Ooh. Lordy, hell’s a-poppin’. [chuckles]

[screaming continues]

[witch grunting]

Come here, you nasty critter…

[screeching]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[Mr. Stringer] Get it off!

Get it off!

Get it off!

[crunches]

[screaming]

[all gasp]

Come on, kids.

It’s time to skedaddle.

[Mr. Springer continues screaming and grunting]

Somebody call the exterminator!

[key jingling]

Good job.

Ooh, ooh…

Look at all this potion.

Kids, we got to grab every bottle.

Hey, Grandma, what about him?

[Hades yowling]

I’ll call the manager to let him out once we out of here.

Oh, I dropped some.

I’ll get it, Grandma.

[all grunting]

[sniffs] Whoa, that cheese smells awfully good.

[all gasp]

[all gasp]

[objects rustling]

[all whimpering quietly]

[Grand High Witch growls]

[gasps]

[grunts]

Look what you made me do.

You think you’re so clever, breaking into my room with a stolen key?

But everyone knows they keep a spare key at the front desk.

We’ll never let you get away with your filthy, evil plot.

Oh, no?

Who’s gonna stop me?

A feeble, stupid, sick woman like you?

[Grandma coughing]

[chuckling]

Oh, you think that’s funny?

Not that.

See, I was just thinking.

Pretty soon, you not gonna be able to do much of nothing.

And why is that, brave, little, soon-to-be-dead woman?

The pea soup.

[quietly] The pea soup… No… No…

No… [whimpering]

[Grand High Witch laughing]

[croakily] You stupid fool.

I did not drink the pea soup.

If you recall, I was interrupted.

[whispering] Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do.

[whispering indistinctly]

[Grand High Witch]

Well, well, well.

Let me see.

I think I will reach into your chest and rip out your withered, shriveled heart, and squeeze it until it bursts.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

All your butt-ugly witch-talk don’t scare me one bit.

It should, considering the last thing you will ever see is my snickering face.

I believe with every fiber of my being… that in the end, love will always triumph over hatred and evil.

Is that so?

[Grandma] You may have turned Alice and my grandson, but I will make sure you never turn another child.

So help me, God.

Now!

[grunts]

[screaming]

[Grand High Witch gagging]

[gasps deeply]

[grunts]

[shuddering]

[liquid bubbling]

[gobbling convulsively]

[fizzing]

[Grand High Witch yelping]

[muffled screaming]

[smoke hissing]

[gasps]

[Mary whimpers]

[snarling aggressively]

[gasps]

[snarling continues]

[gasps] You stupid rat.

[all screaming]

Look what you’ve done.

[Bruno whimpers]

Run!

Look what you’ve done.

[snarling]

You stupid rodents.

Get back here!

You filthy pests.

Yum.

Parasites.

Kid, I’m gonna get you, you putrid varmints.

[Grand High Witch yelling]

[Bruno screams]

[snarling]

Now I’ve got you!

[cackles]

What?

I’m done listening to your trash talk.

What is this?

[grunting]

[Grandma chuckles]

You fool.

Let me out.

[all grunting]

Let me out!

Let me out! Let me out!

[screaming]

[both in sing-song]

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

I will rip out your tongues.

Stupid mice.

[Mary in sing-song]

The witch in a bottle…

[Grand High Witch] Let me out.

Witch in a bottle…

[Grand High Witch] Let me out of this stupid fish bowl.

Hey, Grandma, this is the key to that big trunk.

That’s my key.

That’s my key.

That’s my key, you pea-brain brat.

You pea-brain parasites.

Come on, guys.

Nah, nah… [blows raspberry]

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you filthy sewer guttersnipes.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

That is mine.

[Grandma] Ooh!

That’s mine.

You idiots. You scoundrels.

That is a lot of bacon.

Lettuce.

Dough.

Hey, you’re making me terribly hungry.

No, get your hands off of that, that’s mine!

Get your filthy paws off my filthy lucre.

I’ll poke out your beady eyes.

What are you looking at?

What’s that, Grandma?

It’s a list of names and addresses of every witch in the world.

Wow!

With that list and that money and all this potion, we could turn every witch in the world into rats.

Excellent!

[Grand High Witch] I’ll cut off your tails

With rusty scissors.

I’ll clip your ears with toenail clippers.

I’ll poke out your beady eyes.

I’ll get you for this!

[Grandma] All right, kiddies, one hop.

We got work to do.

[Hades meows]

[Grandma] I almost forgot.

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