The Wizard of Gore Page #2

Montag the Magnificent

greets everyone at the door

with hands so greasy

it's a wonder his fingerprints can hang on.

The most disgusting part of the show.

Greetings, salutations.

Greetings and salutations.

Greetings and salutations.

Greetings and salutations.

- Greetings!

- Mister...

Mr. Montag, my name is Ed Bigelow.

Salutations.

I would love to speak

with you after the show

- if that's at all possible...

- Salutations.

...about a story that I'm working on.

It seems that we are speaking,

and that the story has already begun.

Greetings and salutations.

Greetings.

No repeat customers.

Who'd think someone besides you,

besides us, would, uh,

return for a second helping?

There's Cecelia.

Let me guess.

Everybody knows Cecelia.

No comment.

Every night, the geek

sets up the act like bowling pins

so the magician can throw a strike.

It's the same song and dance

two nights in,

right down to the shocked girl

with the look of disgust

plastered across her face.

She's got no idea what she signed up for.

Or does she?

Two nights, two girls, same day job,

stripping at Jumbo's Clown Room.

Does the audience realize this,

or are they too busy

getting played like a fiddle?

What are you afraid of?

Exposure.

We swim

in a shark-infested cesspool,

terrified that at any moment

things will nip at us.

Oh. Ha ha.

They will nip at us,

and they are hungry.

They are those closest to us,

our best friends.

Our girlfriends.

They are us.

I'm not going back.

That whole thing was disgusting.

Did you hear that?

Our girlfriends.

Not our boyfriends and girlfriends,

not our lovers, our girlfriends.

And he was looking at you

the entire time.

That was just because we were there

two nights in a row

and because I tried to talk

to him before the show.

Fine, write your little article.

Give the f***er more publicity.

Oh, that is awfully

open-minded of you, artist girl.

What the f***'s

that supposed to mean?

So it's freedom of expression

as long as Maggie agrees with it, right?

You know what?

You're just like everybody else,

used to objectifying people like, uh,

Cayenne and Cecelia.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Don't "Oh, Jesus" me.

You've gone and seen them

on stage before.

And then they get up there

and do their little

meat puppet routine with Montag.

It's nothing new for you.

He fondles them, paws all over 'em.

Sh*t, I bet you wish

you could do the same thing.

What's with the, uh...

It relaxes me.

Because you make me f***ing tense.

A**hole.

God.

Yeah.

Ed, turn on the TV. Channel 4.

It's not the best time right now.

Just do it.

Earlier today,

authorities are cautioning everyone

to stay out of the water.

Local Santa Monica residents

were stunned this morning

when the remains of this woman...

It's your friend Cayenne

from that show last night.

The Coast Guard is out in force

searching for the great

white shark believed...

It wasn't a f***ing shark attack.

Look, Maggie, I need to go.

- I'll get back to you, okay?

- Ed, wait. Ed...

- Yo.

- Jinky.

Uh, yeah, Eddie.

It's not really a good time right now.

Listen, a girl got attacked

by a shark last night, right?

Yeah, no sh*t.

Between her and the one

that came in yesterday...

you know, that girl who got split open...

my internship here

has been, like, you know,

on-the-job experience, let me tell you.

I can't be on the phone right now.

That girl got split open?

She was, like, cracked

open like a lobster.

Yeah, so whatever. What do you want?

Listen, Jinky, I think

there may be a connection

- between those two.

- What do you mean?

Then I want you to double-check

with that shark girl.

Are you sure it was a shark?

What? No, no, no. Not on the phone.

Listen,

lunch break's in 45.

Fountain in MacArthur Park.

They got interns working cases now.

It's homework.

Not that you would know

anything about that.

Some of us have to struggle

to get where we want to be.

Okay, let me finish this.

I'm working a crime scene,

but I'm working it wrong.

Say that again?

We pick a spot, collect evidence of a crime,

build a case against

a theoretical suspect,

point being the suspect is innocent,

and all this sh*t is circumstantial.

Like, say... for example,

you knowing sh*t you shouldn't.

Shark girl is all over the news

as a shark attack.

But you... you ask me

to make sure it was a shark that killed her.

Guess what. It wasn't.

Sharks usually leave behind teeth

in the deceased's muscle,

but if they don't,

they definitely have

something that says,

"Congratulations,

you've just been bit by a giant..."

I get it, Jinky.

You're a busy man.

Gotta get back to, uh, cashing checks

from that trust fund,

playing with your newspaper.

Look, any time you want

to call an armistice

on this class war we got going on,

I'm willing to talk.

Let's talk, then.

Tell me what you know

about tetrodotoxin.

- Tetro...

- Dotoxin?

Comes from a pufferfish.

Small doses, it can be

used as a hallucinogen.

In larger ones, it makes zombies.

- Excuse me?

- Like in Haiti.

Some old Serpent and the Rainbow sh*t.

Tox reports came back

on your two girls.

Showed massive doses

in the both of them.

Yeah.

Yes. Sorry. Um...

Yeah, I'll be there. Bye.

Look, you got to meet me

tonight, okay, Jinky?

There's something I got to show you.

All right.

I don't know what it is you're huffing,

but if you want the good sh*t,

you come to your man Jinky.

Smile.

Retard.

Go away. We're closed.

You're always closed.

Just... Just lock up tight behind you.

You know, with free

advertising like this,

you really ought to keep the doors

open for business more often.

Lordy.

Stand back and let

the guys do their work.

What kind of work are they doing?

Mind ya.

Mind ya?

Mind ya f***ing business

if you know what's good for ya.

Look, you got five minutes

of time for me?

What do you know about tetrodotoxin?

Sh*t.

Tapped out.

It's a drug that comes

from the pufferfish.

I know what it is, motherf***er.

When I was in the Southeast,

when we were doing

our little PSYOPS,

there was a lot of talk about it.

It's a mind control drug,

a gorilla of one.

Did a little R&D and figured out

it made subjects

completely open to suggestion,

could get them to do

whatever we wanted.

This time I heard about,

I wasn't there, you understand?

One of our guys was gonna

talk to some writer

working on a Kennedy book.

Before he could,

some tetro found its way

into the dude's food.

A few choice words later

by the right people,

this poor f*** thinks

the inside of his mouth

is growing hair.

Next morning,

he takes a razor blade to his tongue.

End of story.

Now, the thing about tetro

and the reason we had

a hard-on for it

is it could kill your memory.

Like, say, you were on it right now.

I could make you forget

what I wanted you to

and remember what I told you to.

Jesus. What the hell

were you guys doing over there?

Didn't I tell you that the writer

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