The Wizards Return: Alex vs. Alex Page #2

cramped seats with bad food and

an obnoxious kid in front of you

saying, "peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo".

Ciao, bella.

Are you here for a tour

of the Russo vineyard?

Well... I, uh...

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

We're not here for the tour, paisan.

Go back to work.

And put a shirt on! All right, let's go.

Ok, fine. But you'll only

have yourself to blame

when that peek-a-boo kid uses

your lap for a barf bag.

All right, is everybody here?

Good. Now, Alex, get rid of this thing.

Ok.

Hmm... the spell I need is

like things in my bedroom.

It's buried under the

dirty clothes of my mind.

You see? Justin would never do a spell

that he didn't know how to undo.

Oh, I get it. I get this

whole "grown-up" thing now.

You think Justin should've

been The Family Wizard.

Honey, I'm sorry. I

didn't mean it that way.

No. I'm sorry I'm not the grown-up

Family Wizard you want me to be.

Well, up until then, that was the best

five-minute vacation I've ever had.

Ahem, excuse me, is this Jumbotron taken?

Dominic? What are you doing here?

My night job is cleaning

the back of the Jumbotron.

You being here is just a bonus.

Look, you seem really nice,

but I have a boyfriend.

And to be honest I don't think I'd

be really good company right now.

Unless you're a fan of big,

sloppy emotional meltdowns.

You know, I was just saying this morning,

I haven't seen a big, sloppy

emotional meltdown in a while.

Let's see what you got.

Ah, a smile.

Have you ever considered

joining The Wizard Council?

The Wizard Council?

Isn't that for old geezers who wear robes

because they're tired of shopping?

I just believe you have the

potential to be the most,

powerful wizard of your generation.

Trust me. You have no idea

what you're truly capable of.

Well, if you ask my family,

I'm not capable of anything

except refusing to grow up.

They're mortals. They can't

understand wizards with your power.

Besides, if their opinions

really bothers you,

you're powerful enough to create your own

spell to smooth out your little edges.

Why are you telling me this?

Because where everyone else

sees trouble, I see magic.

And beauty.

Ok, now you're just flirting.

Yeah, a little bit.

- Here. It's a small gift.

- Oh, no. I can't take that.

It's simply a friendship bracelet.

Everything ok up here?

Oh, yeah. Mason, sorry. I just had

to get away from home, you know.

And I just came to check on her.

I apologize if I've overstepped.

You have, mate, and I'm here now.

Werewolf.

- Good-bye, Alex.

- Bye.

Werewolf.

I do not like that guy.

Anything I should be worried about?

Not a thing.

Good. Well, I've got a

surprise to cheer you up.

I thought we would have a little picnic.

Don't say Italian, because I've

had enough of that, today.

No. I was thinking

something sophisticated...

- Poached salmon.

- Oh, Mason...

That's so sweet.

But can I make a little tweak?

Of course, darling.

Check it out, finger food feast.

I call the wing.

No, Alex! Alex, you know

this food is bad for you.

Besides, I cooked that salmon,

two hours over a hot poacher.

Why? You know it only takes

me like two seconds.

I see. So, this is how it's

going to be from now on.

- What?

- Just you, me and your wand.

Just using your magic selfishly

no matter who it hurts.

Mason, where are you going?

I did all this for us.

So did I.

So you turned Mason's classy picnic

into a county fair fry-fest?

Well, everybody knows that

my favorite food comes in

cardboard containers with

some kind of dipping sauce.

Ewe.

Oh, hi, Alex. Can you tell me

what's wrong with this picture?

Everything you're wearing

is from the nineties.

Oh, but if you guys wear

it, it's "vintage".

Have you figured out how to

get rid of this thing yet?

Uh, no. I've been a little busy.

But don't worry, I'll figure it out

something before Max can use it again.

Hey, who wants to help me

make a hot tub out of this?

I bet I know how he's going

to make the bubbles.

Max, stop going to Italy. And, Alex, you...

I know, I know. Grow up.

You're right, pop. I'll

just take this back.

Max, you forgot the barrel!

Max!

He's not coming back, is he?

Theresa, we have to find Max again!

What?! I was about to make dinner.

It's just Italy, we'll be right back.

Hey, are you ok?

It's just that, I thought once

I became The Family Wizard,

all of this pressure would be off of me.

But no, it's like everybody

still wants me to change.

Well, that doesn't make a lot of sense.

It's who you are in the first place

that made you The Family Wizard.

I know, but maybe growing up

would make me a better person.

I mean, I can't even say anything nice

about my best friend's

hideous clambake outfit.

I'm sorry, Harper. I held

off as long as I could.

But you see? That's what I mean. You

making fun of my outfit is you.

And me loving this outfit is me.

People should appreciate

you for who you are,

not for what they think you should be.

Right. And I am a powerful wizard

who can change if I want to.

Just smooth out my little edges.

Wait, hold up. Ok, so,

after my great speech,

you're still going to change

your personality with magic?

Well, just the parts that nobody likes.

So, you're going to change

your whole personality?

I owed you for the clambake comment.

- All right.

- Yeah, that's good.

Selfish, mean and tired of rejection.

Take these parts to a place of reflection.

Alex, are you ok?

I think so. Did it work?

I don't know. You look the same.

Here, let me test you.

What do you think of my clambake outfit?

Mm. It's horrible...

That you didn't make me one.

- Oh, it worked!

- I'm totally nice!

Wait.

If you still have all your good parts,

where did all your bad parts go?

Hey! Let me out of here, you ugly hags!

And I found my bad parts.

Oh, come on. She doesn't seem that bad.

I can smell that nasty outfit

all the way from here!

- Oh, I am not afraid of you!

- Well, come and get me, lobster girl!

Harper, don't let me taunt you.

Hey, maybe she's like a bird.

She'll be quiet if we cover her up.

Hey! Take this off!

Oh, Alex. You have no

idea what you've started.

Did you find Max?

No.

But I found out where my

cousins keep their cannolis.

Jerry, you're supposed to be

looking for your son, not dessert.

Let me have a bite of that. Come on.

- Oh, Max!

- Where?

Oh!

Mmm.

Let's just go home and try to

lure Max back with this cannoli.

- Ok.

- What I'm saying.

There's not going to be any left.

- Let's get a couple to go.

- Ok.

Where are you going? Thieves!

Buon giorno. We're just

looking for our son.

We're not stealing.

Carmela? Cousin Carmela?

Jerry Russo!

Bianca, Gino, put your wands down.

Geraldo!

Cugino Geraldo!

Look at you. You still have a baby face.

It's so smooth.

Oh, that's just the

grease from the cannoli.

- Carmela, this is my wife, Theresa.

- Oh, Theresa!

Nice to meet... too tight.

Too thin. This one is like a bread stick.

Hey, Geraldo, what are you doing here?

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