The Women Page #7

There's fruit everywhere.

- Where's the junk?

- You don't let me buy any.

Why don't I fix you a drink?

All right.

I think you both should know

Stephen and I are splitting up.

Yeah, he's been having an affair.

- Get out of here.

- I don't believe it.

Yeah, yeah.

And let me tell you

how stupid I am, okay?

I had myself convinced

that it was no big deal.

Just a little chapter, not the whole book.

And if I just put the old blinders on,

rose above it...

...everything would work itself out.

Bullshit.

I mean, it's not like I was deliriously happy

every single day...

...of this marriage, you know?

But did I screw around? No.

I could have, by the way.

I really could have

because men have come on to me plenty.

All right, once or twice.

But I thought about it,

because this just in:

Thirteen years of sex with the same man

can be a little bit boring, all right?

I mean, Stephen had his bag of tricks

and I knew them all.

But did I complain?

Did I go out

and bang the Federal Express guy?

And let me tell you something else.

Stephen does not know

how good he had it.

There is nobody, and I mean nobody,

who's gonna give that man...

...a better time in bed than I did.

I could suck the nails out of a board,

and that is a fact.

Oh, God.

God.

You can't think straight right now.

You know what I do

when I have a problem?

Before I go to sleep, I tell myself

I'm gonna wake up with the answer.

And that does it. I do.

You try it.

You go on upstairs

and get a good night's sleep.

And tomorrow morning,

it'll all look better.

Oh, Maggie.

Go on, you'll feel better.

I love you guys.

She's not gonna dump him.

I know how she feels about that man

and how he feels about her.

He'll be back in this house

by the end of the week.

I don't understand.

Why did this happen to me?

Oh, sweetie, listen.

Listen, it happens

in every relationship, okay?

Eventually,

somebody betrays somebody else.

It's either in a big way

or in a million little ones.

It's just the nature of it, okay?

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God.

- What am I gonna do?

- You'll figure it out.

We'll figure it out.

Come on, we need to pull out

the big idea here.

We should focus on the cover.

How to get it to pop.

Okay, what about this for a cover blurb?

"The 45-Minute Orgasm. "

Forty-five minutes? Who has the time?

Listen, I really wanna make a statement

with this issue.

It's time to cut ourselves away

from the herd, talk up to the reader.

I thought we already were.

What about the piece we did

on living an authentic life?

Oh, come on.

We tell women

to feel good about themselves...

...and then we print 15 pieces

on crazy diets.

We run ads for wrinkle creams,

the models are 20 years old.

- We're driving women mad.

- Okay.

I know I'm the new kid,

but here's what I would do...

...if I were in charge of CACHET.

I would tie each issue to a theme.

Brand it.

By branding each issue,

we brand the magazine...

...giving it a more unique identity

on the newsstand.

I would make sure

that each theme had an edge.

A sense of humor.

For instance, the revenge issue.

How to get it, who to stick it to...

...the fine art of holding a grudge.

We put an actress on the cover,

someone young, hot.

And we make the whole thing irresistible.

We become the guilty pleasure

of the publishing world...

...and that is how we turn it around.

Come on, Annie.

Revenge? It's so retro.

It's old-think.

Don't we all have better things to do?

It's the opposite of what I'm talking about.

But I would buy that magazine.

Uh, I think we should take a break, okay?

Let all this percolate.

We'll pick it up after lunch.

Just think about it.

It's a good idea.

Let me tell you,

editors, they live in fear of a girl like that.

They walk into your world, you're thinking,

"Wait, am I out of the loop here?"

- I mean, "Am I missing the trends?"

- Climb higher.

- Can't we take a break?

- No breaks.

What are the two most feared words

in English?

- "Pool party. "

- "Keep climbing. "

Wait a minute. Let me down, okay?

Thanks.

Hey, Bailey Smith, right?

Sylvie Fowler.

We met at the MTV Awards.

Oh, right, right, right, yeah.

So how are things

in the hot seat at CACHET?

Well, I'm not gonna be happy

until I take a nice big chunk out of Vogue.

- You know how I'm gonna do that?

- How?

By putting star writers

on the magazine, like you.

Oh, well, that is a nice compliment,

but I'm not for sale.

- I'm really happy at The Post.

- Excuse me, but I don't know why.

You made a reputation

writing brilliant profiles...

...and now

you're writing gossip for a tabloid.

Wait, I am syndicated.

I don't have to worry

about money anymore.

You know, anyway,

I write about people, not fashion.

That's what I want you to do.

Write about interesting people

in your own irreverent way.

You'll sell magazines.

I hear your circulation's down.

And didn't you have

some staff defections last week?

Some people can't take the hills.

You know, um, I would consider

doing some pieces for you...

...but I would need something in return.

Well, you name it.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Well, I'm doing a series of columns

on high-profile New York marriages.

I hear one of them is breaking up.

Oh. Oh.

- You know who I'm talking about.

- I don't know anything.

And who cares, anyway?

Oh, come on.

Messy divorces sell more papers

than presidential campaigns.

Sounds like you've written a story.

What you need me for?

You know I need confirmation

from some ironclad source.

I'm sorry, I can't help you.

Just because you wouldn't do

a favor for me...

...doesn't mean I won't do one for you.

One of my spies said

they saw your publisher last night...

...having dinner with Talia Greene

from Harper's Bazaar.

Wait, I am not worried, okay?

Ned wouldn't replace me.

He's completely committed

to my vision for the magazine.

Sure, I'm sure.

But it's just that I heard that there

was some heavy wooing going on.

Bailey, do not print that, okay?

What little staff I have left

would smell blood.

It would completely destroy

my credibility at CACHET...

...and then I really am out the door.

I know, it's incredible, isn't it,

how a little piece of gossip like that...

...has the potential

to actually unravel an entire career?

Because, really, when you think about it,

where would you go if you left CACHET?

This is the last time

you're picking the restaurant.

If they're gonna plaster your life

in the paper...

...you would think

they would at least run a decent picture.

Especially next to that Crystal.

Shouldn't she have to have a permit

to wear a dress like that?

You're awfully quiet for a change.

Oh, tough day at work, is all.

She's here.

- Hi.

Hi.

- Alex picked the restaurant, right?

- Heh, heh, heh.

- Of course.

- That looks good.

So everybody's seen it, right?

Okay, no big elephants on the table.

Just when you thought

it couldn't get any shittier.

Okay, do you wanna have a big laugh

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