The Women Page #9

Leah, right?

Right.

Mary. I mean, I am just so hungry.

I'm starving. You need the Hubble

Telescope to see what they put on our plate.

This place makes Betty Ford

look like Disneyland.

And I ought to know.

I ran screaming out of Betty twice.

Look at that.

Oh, no. No, thank you.

How did you get that in here?

They even took away my Altoids.

I made friends with Buck, the ranger boy.

Another... Guess what.

Aspiring actor.

I thought I had left them

all behind in la-la land.

You know, where your dentist

is writing a screenplay...

...and your gardener's playing Willy Loman

down at a dinner theater in Torrance.

He got me the joint, I took his headshot.

Are you an agent?

What do you think?

- How long have you been an agent?

- Oh, since 1852.

At ICM, they call me the Countess.

I can turn anybody into a star,

even our little ranger boy.

And why not? Look at him, he's so cute.

He's cute, I'm bored,

my guesthouse is empty.

Who knows, he could turn out

to be the next Michael Douglas.

Another dirtbag who left me, by the way.

So, what are you in for?

Oh, well, I just ran away from home.

I got fired from all my jobs.

Wife, mother, daughter.

And I broke up with my best friend,

which, you know, that was the worst.

- I just bailed out of husband number four.

- Four?

- No, five.

- Five?

I keep blocking one of them out

because he tried to kill me.

- What?

- We were on a ski lift in Aspen and I "fell. "

- What did you do?

- Oh, believe me, I took care of him.

By the time I was done...

...there was nothing left but the hair plugs

and the asphalt on the driveway.

- Ooh, shh. Shh.

- What?

- Why do you keep getting married?

- Oh.

In the end, that's really all there is.

Okay. All right, give me that thing.

Haven't done this

since I was a freshman in college.

I ate an entire tube of toothpaste.

Wait.

Okay.

All right.

All right, here's the thing.

I'm just a good person, you know.

I just am.

I really try to do the right thing, I do.

I try to...

You know, I let the person

with the one item go ahead of me...

...in the grocery line.

I give money to homeless people.

I recycle.

I never cheat.

Okay, well, once, I cheated.

- Really?

- Yeah.

I was playing Monopoly.

I was the little top hat,

and I moved it a couple extra spaces there.

But I was just a kid,

so that probably doesn't count.

So why am I going on and on about this?

What was my point here?

Oh, boy, a talker.

I'm gonna have to figure this out,

you know.

I am.

I gotta figure out why...

...at this particular juncture,

my whole world has come tumbling down.

Can you not bogart that, please?

Thank you.

I've spent an entire lifetime

trying to be everything to everyone...

...and somehow,

somebody is always disappointed.

You know, my dear, sometimes

there's a reason why people's paths cross.

Let me give you

Leah Miller's secret to life.

Don't give a sh*t about anybody.

Be selfish.

Because once you ask yourself

the question, "What about me?"...

...everything changes for the better.

I mean, after all, who are you?

What do you want, Mary?

Oh. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hi, I'm looking for my mother,

Catherine Frazier.

How's she doing?

She's still in some pain,

but that's to be expected.

She's in there.

- Oh, thank you.

- Right there.

It'd be nice

up in your room at this time...

Mom?

Mm-mm.

Nurse.

Get you something for the pain.

- Mom?

No.

Mary.

Over here.

Oh, Mom. Does it hurt?

I just spent thousands of dollars

to look rested.

Of course it hurts.

You look great.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

I just can't believe you did this.

Have you looked around lately?

There are no 60-year-old women.

I was the only one left.

No, Mom,

I'm happy you did what you wanted to do.

Really, really.

What have you always said to me?

Don't look back, no regrets.

I'm so full of sh*t.

I have plenty of regrets.

I regret I never accomplished

anything of my own.

I was ambivalent.

And frankly, I wanted things.

A big house, beautiful clothes.

It was easier to get status from your father

than to get it for myself.

I know I failed you in a lot of ways,

Mary.

But probably none more than that.

No, Mom.

Do you wanna have

a little bit of tea there?

Thanks.

Well, I've been thinking

about going back to work.

Not for Dad.

I wanna design my own collection.

Whoa.

- What brought that on?

- Hitting bottom.

Having nothing left to lose.

I highly recommend it.

If it wouldn't blow out 80 stitches,

I'd be smiling now.

I don't wanna take on

more than I can handle.

Just a small collection.

- Where are you gonna get the money?

- I'll find some backers.

- What about my inheritance?

- Oh, no, Mom.

I never did anything with it.

What could be a better investment

than you?

No, that's not why I came here.

Oh, please. I'm in no condition to argue.

You know something?

Someday, when I'm sitting here

with my head in a helmet...

...I hope my daughter has as much love

for me as I do for you right now.

Huh.

You are even more full of sh*t than I am.

Yeah.

Ned, please, um.

I know.

It's not the strongest issue I've turned out,

but next month is a whole different story.

Bailey Smith is writing a profile

on Christiane Amanpour...

...and Alex Fisher is getting me

some advanced material on her...

Ned, you can't do this.

Nobody turns a magazine around

in under a year.

Just give me three more issues, okay?

I have got this great idea.

How about we do a whole issue

on revenge?

How to get it...

...who to stick it to...

...the lost art of holding a grudge.

How to construct the perfect rumor.

The 10 best random acts of getting even.

And we'll put a hot young actress

on the cover.

Yes.

Thank you.

Yeah, I think it'll be brilliant too.

Okay, then.

I'll see you in the morning.

Hello?

Hello?

Molly?

Where is everybody?

Where is everybody?

Here.

Hey. Oh, Maggie.

All that fabric from Italy?

The whole dye lot was off.

I had to completely recut a pattern

and the fit model didn't show up.

But it is going to be good.

Maggie, it's gonna be so good.

- Where's Molly?

- She's out there.

What is she doing?

Well, she says

she doesn't want to be a woman.

Hey, Mol.

Wow.

You've got quite a little bonfire

going there.

I started it off with the slenders

and now I'm adding the supers.

That's the trick.

Wouldn't it be just great if when

you're born, they give you a rulebook...

...so every time you came up against

something you had no idea how to handle...

...you just look it up in the book

and there would be the answer?

You know,

I used to feel sorry for the kids in my class.

Every other weekend with Dad

until Mommy's boyfriend sleeps over...

...then Dad gets you two in a row.

I used to feel sorry for them.

Now I'm one of them.

Listen, Molly,

I know that I haven't been here for you.

And I'm very sorry about that.

We have a lot to talk about.

I can't talk to you like I talk to Sylvie.

- You've been talking to Sylvie?

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