The Wooden Horse

BUGLE FANFARE:

'I knew it all so well.

'A pair of hairy legs would appear

over the side of the bunk above.

'Legs that would wriggle their toes

disgustingly,

'as their owner prepared to land.

'I tensed myself expectantly

for the routine - crash, bang!

BANGING 'The whole hut shook.

Heavy footsteps stomped the room.

'The violent stir of a spoon

in a pottery mug. CLATTERING

'Bang!

'More footsteps, then the room

shook again as the door slammed.'

Noisy lot!

CLOGS CLATTER ON STEPS

Breakfast, please.

You're cook. OK, Robert.

What's the weather like?

Perfect day for air rescue!

Do you mind? Sorry.

You'll wear it out! It feels like

someone else is doing it.

You're crazy.

Give John a call, will you?

Wake the child?!

Louder! Let his bunk down!

Must you be so hearty?

DOOR SLAMS:

Raus! Raus!

Goon in the block.

Alles raus!

Raus! Raus!

Ah, Deutschland kaputt!

Raus!

Push off! We don't speak

German. Careful, Paul.

Ich verbitte mir das. Als Offizieren

haben Sie sich angenehm zu benehmen.

Ah, shove off!

Er sagte,

"Deutschland kaputt."

So, you are

impertinent again?

I object to being shouted at.

Come.

OK. Suits me.

Raus! Alles raus!

Parade, attention!

Guten Morgen.

THEY LAUGH AND JEER

Parcels today, John.

If we get biscuits

we'll make a cake.

If it ends up a pudding

we'll eat it for dinner!

If it's porridge

we'll have it at breakfast!

Soap.

Hey!

Sorry, Bill. I nearly swallowed it.

How's it going? I've done 40 feet.

HE WHISTLES:

Ferret!

Now.

He's stopped outside hut 66.

He's looking.

He's coming this way now.

It's Charlie.

He's gone away.

Coming round the circuit? OK.

Right,

let's open it up again.

Tunnel must be almost under here.

It has no chance. See where it goes?

He chose the hut nearest the wire.

It's still 300 feet.

It'll take six months at least.

He's done 40 feet.

That leaves 260 feet to go

still inside the camp.

This is the important place -

these last few feet under the wire.

It's the same old problem. The longer the tunnel

we dig, the longer the goons have to spot it.

We need a short tunnel, here,

under the circuit.

It's as bare as a billiard table.

How would you hide it? Thanks!

SHOUTS FOR THE BALL

OK?

OK.

That's what we want. Some nice innocent camp

activity that goes on all the time, like football.

In my last camp, they sang round

an accordion and dug in the middle,

hiding the dirt in their sleeves.

Got as deep as your arm in one day.

They covered it with a board.

And then?

A ferret fell in and broke his leg! We

can't use that, it must be a classic!

Oh, lord, potatoes!

Sorry, see you later.

A classic.

Give it over.

BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYS

This is a hell of a life, Pete.

Is it better or worse being married?

Least there's something waiting for you.

I feel life is passing me by and

when I get back it will be too late.

It's not doing anything.

Not even fighting.

Clinton's running.

I'd give anything to be out of here,

even for a few days.

Just do ordinary things - use

a telephone, walk on grass, carpets,

walk up and down stairs,

use a lift.

Spend money and make a decision.

RATTLING:

Pete. What?

I've got it. What? Hiding a tunnel

near the wire - a Trojan Horse.

What? The Greeks put men inside it.

We'll make a vaulting horse.

One of us digs under it while the rest

vault. We're carried to and fro inside it.

Strong horse!

We'll do the horse. Let's tell the

escape committee. Wait. No, register it.

Someone could think of it

at any moment.

Sure to! OK, we'll go this evening.

OK.

You propose to take this thing out

with a bloke inside,

day after day, to cover the shaft?

Yes, sir.

Bit far-fetched!

At least it's new!

We can't support wildcat

schemes because they're new!

It's not wildcat, it's

perfectly feasible.

All right, Howard.

We'll discuss it later.

You need a horse first.

We'll build it.

Goons!

Lock up time already!

OK. Good night.

ALL:
Good night, sir.

OK, Pete.

We're out! All we need is the horse!

Look, we need a few pieces of wood

about that long and that thick.

About THAT thick?

OK! We'll climb in tonight.

DOG BARKS:

BARKING CONTINUES

Check!

BANGING:

Bennett!

Bennett!

Hello!

Must you? When I start

something I finish it, old boy!

Heaven help her!

What?

Check! Get out of that!

How's this? Beautiful!

Cutters,

saw.

How's the time? 20.28.

BANGING:

Ready?

Two minutes.

Dog outside.

BANGING INCREASES

Time Tony got going.

8.30.

HE WHISTLES:

Come on, boy!

All clear. He's gone.

Go!

Now!

They're out.

After the next beam.

Puss, puss, puss!

Puss!

Puss, puss, puss!

SAWING:

BANGING AND THUDDING

Come in!

Morning, Wing.

What is it?

Air-conditioning. I'll show you.

See.

I turn this handle.

The pulley operates a fan

under the floor.

Cold air is forced up from under it.

And the hot air?

It goes through the roof.

If you've time to waste, I haven't...

Wing.

It's about the camouflage

for our hole.

I'm making a vaulting horse. Hmm?

It must be strong enough

to carry a man.

The Kriegie Construction Company

is at your disposal.

Thanks, Wing.

Look.

May I? Of course.

Here, just a minute.

It has to be five foot long and

four foot high with a padded top.

Hmm. We have timber for the frame.

The sides will have to be plywood to

minimise the weight. Parcel boxes? Fine.

We want two bars going through

for the bearers.

The man will sit on one and bring

back the sand in bags on hooks here.

BANGING:

Put me down, John.

Hopkins. Hut? 67.

Craig, 65.

I'll have a go. Your leg? It's OK.

OK, John.

Ah, Bennett, just the man we want.

Are you going to vault?

No, old boy.

He'd go slap through the horse.

THUDDING CONTINUES

What is this?

Just a gym class, Fuhrer.

Ach so.

Always this craze for exercise.

Right, who's going first?

Come on, up and over.

Go on!

Good turn out, eh?

You wait. Give it a few weeks!

Oh!

Come on, Phil.

Go on.

ROARS OF LAUGHTER

It's planned, sir.

Shows the goons nothing is inside.

Here's the horse and

here's the surface of the ground.

The trap door is 18 inches down,

in case they probe.

We cover it with sandbags,

so we can get to it quickly.

The tunnel runs to the wire. The first

ten feet is shored up top and sides.

Is ten feet enough?

Yes, for the impact.

How do you ensure it's the same spot?

Easy.

The landing marks.

How long will the job take you?

We hope four weeks.

The sooner the better.

OK, Clinton, we'll back you.

Good luck.

Thanks. Good night.

Good night. Better burn this diagram.

DOOR SLAMS:

There you are, John.

A pound of sand.

Each bag holds ten pounds, 12 bags a

trip, so, no more than 120 pounds a time.

It'll be six weeks.

We'll start tomorrow.

We can't hurry the goons.

We just vault first.

So we'll only do three feet a day. Mm. We can't ask

the chaps to vault all day for nothing! We must start.

Once upon a time there were two

bulls, an old bull and a young bull.

The young bull said, "The gate to the

cows is open. Let's run and get some!"

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