The Yes Men Fix the World

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Are you ready?

I'm extremely happy to be here

because today is a very historic occasion

for all of us at DOW.

And I am grateful.

Let's walk that way.

I am grateful.

You're extremely pleased at the -

I'm extremely pleased

to be here.

Yes, extremely pleased

to be here, Steve.

This is my friend Andy...

- Hi. Bonjour.

- Bonjour, Monsieur.

...and my name is Mike.

Today I'm holding

the camera.

- And is it okay if--

- Yes. Sure.

- It's a good thing

to know.

- Exactly.

Andy is about to go

on live television

in front

of 300 million people.

They're gonna think

that he represents

one of the largest companies

in the world...

which he doesn't.

And that's why

he looks so nervous.

Should I typically

just look...

- Yeah.

- ...Right into

the camera? Okay.

Let's see here.

Andy's about to tell

a really big lie

which, unfortunately,

is gonna wipe

$2 billion

off one company's

stock price.

But before

I tell you this story...

- One minute.

- ...I guess

I should tell you

how we got ourselves

into this situation.

- Hi, my name's Mike.

- And I'm Andy.

And this is a movie

in which the two of us...

fix the world.

Aren't we fixing

the world?

- Yes.

- Well, come on.

- I'm scared.

Now what?

What we do is

pass ourselves off

as representatives

of big corporations

we don't like.

We make fake websites

then wait for people

to accidentally invite us

to conferences.

My name is Fred.

I'm from Halliburton.

My name is

Hanniford Schmidt.

I'm with the World Trade Organization.

I'm from Arizona.

My name is

Francisco Guerrero.

Orboloo Hochmanks.

Hundreds of oil

and gas executives

were duped today.

Louisiana officials

are taken for a ride

by the Yes Men.

- The Yes Men.

- The Yes Men,

antiglobalization activists

that travel the world

pulling pranks

at corporate events.

...a bunch of lefty

protestors...

...world-renowned

troublemakers...

Sick, twisted, cruel--

And what

they do is they like

to take absurd ideas,

and they present these ideas

in all seriousness.

The group has done this

many times before.

They have a track record

of getting away with it.

So how did this happen?

Equity International says

the imposters showed up...

At home in our

underground headquarters,

it was time

to start planning

our next mission.

Tom Foreman:

Tens of thousands

of Iraqis have died.

Worries are growing

among top government

and business leaders

about the surge

of food riots--

Foreman:

Markets continue to shake.

Unemployment is up.

Oil companies reported

the highest profits in

the history of the world.

But with so many things

going wrong,

who should

we go after next?

We got our answer when

a text message arrived.

DOW CHEMICAL had

just bought Union Carbide,

a company that became

infamous in the 1980s.

You remember

the 1980s--

Challenger,

Chernobyl...

Bhopal.

Bhopal?

In 1984

when Union Carbide's

pesticide plant

at Bhopal exploded,

at least 5,000 people

died within weeks

and 100,000 more remain

sick for life.

It was the biggest industrial

disaster in history,

but Union Carbide settled

with the Indian government

for $470 million,

meaning most

of the victims got

less than $1,000 each.

Warren Anderson:

Now I just want to say to

Shareholders of Union Carbide

that I am confident

that the victims

can be fairly

and equitably compensated

without a material

adverse affect

on the financial condition

of Union Carbide corporation.

There was

little adverse affect

on the shareholders

but in Bhopal,

people continued to suffer.

When DOW announced

it would buy Union Carbide,

there was

finally hope for justice.

DOW said it would

compensate victims

of Carbide's past negligence

and promptly paid

over $2 billion...

...to 14 asbestos

plaintiffs in Texas.

DOW could do for Bhopal

what they'd done for Texas,

but we knew

they wouldn't.

So we decided

to do it for them.

We set up a fake

DOW Chemical website,

DowEthics.com,

and we waited...

- and waited...

...and waited.

- Then one day

we got our chance.

You have mail.

We'd just been invited

to a conference

on international finance.

Some of the biggest banks

in the world would be there.

These were the kind

of banks who helped companies

like Union Carbide

and DOW do what they do.

A company might say

"We're going to build

a shoddy plant

in an underdeveloped country

with a corrupt

legal system.

The plant might explode

and people might die,

but we'll make

a lot of money."

And the bank

comes back and says,

"Great!

Sounds like a plan."

What could

we possibly do

to show bankers

what was wrong

with this logic?

So right now

I'm painting

Gilda

the gilded skeleton--

Actually,

the golden skeleton--

That we're going to use

in the DOW Chemical lecture

in London at

Financial Services Conference

in just

a few short days.

The only good skeleton

is a gold skeleton.

In case Gilda

didn't scare them enough

we had a backup plan.

we rented a theatrical

pyrotechnics unit here

- so that we can...

- oh yeah, thank you.

...make a big puff of smoke...

- AH!

- Oh my God.

We are on our way

to a conference

and Erastus Hamm is

going to be speaking

at the conference

as DOW Chemical Company.

Our plan was to have

DOW demonstrate

for the first time ever

exactly how they calculate

the cash value of human life.

Would this make

the bankers think twice?

It was time

to find out.

Thank you very much.

On May 1st we are releasing the beta version

of "Acceptable Risk",

the world's first

market-smart risk calculator,

to help you

find out instantly

what risks are

or are not acceptable

from a bottem-line

business perspective.

will Project X be

just another skeleton

in the closet,

something your company

comes to regret?

or will it be

a golden skeleton?

Complex case

is I.B.M.'s sale

of technology

to World War II Germany

for use in identifying

certain populations.

This was very bad,

of course,

but no one can deny

they were profitable.

And although the issue

remains a skeleton

in the closet,

in retrospect, it is

quite clearly golden.

Now you may have heard

the joke "How many Americans

does it take to screw

in a light bulb?

12--

One to climb the ladder

and 11 to file the lawsuit."

"What about Indians?

Oh, just one."

We would, of course,

never wish to imply

that an Indian life

is worth more or less

than another.

I myself believe

in the sanctity

of all life.

But the market has

its own logic,

and if we're willing

to live with it,

we must make the most

of the choices it makes.

Because if there's

one thing

that we at DOW want you

to remember today,

it's that

the only good skeleton

is a gold skeleton.

- Ooh!

Surprise.

This is Gilda.

She's the mascot

for the DOW

"Acceptable Risk" program.

Gilda is here

to basically tell you

that if you have

a skeleton in the closet,

it may not be

just a skeleton.

It could very well be a

golden skeleton as well.

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