The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling Page #11

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Hands up. Step around.

Step.

( both grunting )

Oh, damn. Time, time.

So, do you think that fear

is what drives you sometimes,

and I'm not kidding,

in a scene?

Because you bring

a lot of power to a scene,

do you also go into a scene

and go, "I'm going to win this?"

- Yes. Yes.

- I'll be damned.

I go into the scene and I say,

"I'm going to--

I'm going to kick

your f***in' ass."

- See? That's where power is.

- If that's what the scene

requires.

- That's what your essence is.

- I'm going to win.

- Mine is more dancing around.

- I'm going to win.

What was your experience when

you came in to do that episode?

I was scared to death of you.

I could tell you were

one of those comedy cannibals

that was going to rip my head

off and cook it and eat it

right there

if you wanted to.

Well, see,

I don't think that's true,

but that is what I feel with you

when you're in the ring.

- You see?

- Isn't that funny?

- Yup. That's what I feel.

- So now you have a little bit

of a taste of how I felt

back in 1992.

- But, see, I would--

- How do you like it?

I wouldn't...

- Come on, Garry.

- I'm sorry we decided to...

- Too much talk.

- You know, Dave,

I say full contact

in a second.

- I don't care if I die.

- ( man laughs )

Within that weird space

of a DVD extra,

he put as much effort

as he did...

- More.

- ...to making "Larry Sanders."

More. He put more into it.

Seinfeld:

The thing about television

is that it always wins

in the end.

In other words, those...

these shows that we have,

if we didn't kill them,

they would kill us.

Berg:

And that's truly the definition

of an artist.

Shandling:

What do you think

I should do next?

Uh...

I would say two words.

Because, you've got good...

I would say this.

...objective.

I think lighten up.

Yeah.

This is actually going

to make me cry.

This is the most fun I've had

in a couple years.

- Tom Petty:
Yeah. I feel good.

- Don't you? Seriously.

You know, you were under a lot

of pressure from time to time.

It was unbearable.

Yeah, and then you had

the lawsuit and the whole...

- I shouldn't mention--

- Yeah, you can.

Because we've talked about it.

It just made it very hard.

I mean, God, I really

felt bad for you, you know.

We were both...

I was getting a divorce

and you were getting sued,

so we were

perfect company.

You know?

We could just

b*tch endlessly.

But it was true.

We were just destroyed.

And look at you now.

I mean, you've come

out of it.

You're making a DVD.

( laughs )

Apatow:

Garry was doing his DVD extras,

and he was going to talk

to Ricky Gervais for that.

And Ricky was doing a series

for English television

where he had conversations with

different comedians he admired.

- Right.

- And they were supposed to do

Garry's DVD part first.

And when Garry got home,

Ricky Gervais was

completely set up.

Grayson:

They were shooting already.

Two years' worth of salad there

for me. What's in this one?

Ice lollies and vodka.

That's the fake one,

for filming, with the salad.

That's the real one.

And Garry walks into being shot

without anybody telling him

we're about to shoot.

When he was in the kitchen,

he was livid.

Why did you ruin

that moment by looking?

- ( laughs )

- How did you get in?

How did you-- was that you

that was looking--?

- Gervais:
It's your house.

- Was that you

- that was looking this way?

- Gervais:
No.

Who was looking right here

when I was walking in?

When I was standing out there,

didn't you see

that I was walking in?

- No.

- Was that you?

First you said,

"No, that wasn't me."

No, I didn't see you.

I swear, I didn't--

Well, now you're

changing the story

to, "It was me,

but I didn't see you."

That's true, but you said

"Is it you that looked out

there?"

What I was doing was talking

to my producer that was here.

What's interesting is,

and I love Ricky Gervais,

is Ricky Gervais'--

the series of eyes was going,

"Where am I? What's going on?

I am scared."

Well, where do you want

to do this interview, then?

I don't know, by the kitchen

sink isn't so bad.

I just need to put

my contact lenses on, Ricky.

Good. We can get this.

This is dynamite.

Don't do it over the sink.

What if it goes down the plug?

What are you, controlling?

How long you think I've been

wearing contact lenses?

You're giving me advice of how

to put my contact lens in?

It's a nice house.

It's a little eye

into a gear that Garry had

when his anger came out, and...

and when he felt abused

in some way.

- Yeah.

- That wouldn't come up often,

but that was the look.

I'm looking at you.

You wore black.

And I was worried

I didn't make an effort.

I can't tell

what you do on purpose

to make yourself look that way

and what you don't.

I don't know what

your choices are.

I don't need to tell you...

I want to get

onto this, actually.

The ego of the comedian.

Do we care about

how good we look?

I think that is not the ego

of a comedian.

I think that's ego, period.

- ( cell phone rings )

- That's my ass detector,

and it's gone off

because you're here.

Come this way.

Come into the garden.

I want to show you something.

Apatow:

Garry said that on some level,

he was creating some sort

of moment that was awkward.

And, in some sense,

teaching Ricky Gervais to be

present in his performance.

Yeah. Oh, that's correct.

It was almost like

the psychologist

teaching the patient.

- Here's what I want to do.

- Go on.

I want to take a minute

without thinking right now.

Okay. What do you mean?

Tell me what you mean.

No, I don't know.

What do you want me to do?

- Nothing.

- Okay. All right.

Absolutely nothing.

And not even think.

Okay.

We're taking a break.

Don't even think.

Do you mean do you want

to take a break?

- No.

- Okay, all right.

Okay, all right.

I'm up for that.

I'm thinking.

I got to be honest.

I'm thinking. I can't not think.

I see it in your work.

It's valuable in your work.

Do you know how valuable

not thinking is in your work?

No.

It's like he wanted

to get deeper into the truth.

Yes, yup.

And he was stripping

away artifice.

And then he keeps

stripping it away

until finally it's him

confronting his ex-fiance.

- Yeah, I mean-- yeah.

- On camera.

- And they have it out

for the DVD extra.

- ( laughs )

Hi, Garry.

- Let's just take this beat.

- Yeah.

So when was the last time

I saw you?

Wow.

( exhales )

Couple years,

at least, right?

- A few years.

- Is it?

And you have a child?

- Yeah.

- You didn't bring him?

No.

Not my child?

No.

Get that straight

right now.

Yeah.

That's a whole 'nother

can of worms.

Well, you wanted to get--

you can talk about it.

I just wanted a baby,

and he gave me a job.

( laughs )

( sniffles )

My personal observation is...

it was hard for both of us

to go on without each other.

In my opinion.

Human nature drove my decision

to find a good man--

a primal need--

to be the father

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