The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling Page #15

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You don't mind when I do

the Robin stuff

or any of that stuff?

You don't mind,

you know,

when I talk about being

older or stuff like that?

Apatow:

Oh, no. Yeah, no, please.

Whitney Cummings:

When's the last time

you were on stage?

I haven't been on stage

in a year and a half,

till Judd said,

"Come in and talk to me"...

- Cummings:
That's so awesome.

- Shandling:
...two weeks ago.

Pauly Shore:

So, what's going on with you?

Because, 64 is still

very super young.

Like, why don't you get up

on that stage, you know?

So, I think that may be

what I do this year.

Shandling:

As you grow, you have to find

a new purpose and intention

for doing what you do,

or you won't grow.

So, I'm in the midst

of exploring my intention

for going on stage.

Cummings:

There he is!

- Judd and Garry Shandling!

- ( audience applauds )

Apatow:

Hey, Garry, I used to look

much younger than you,

and I feel like we look

close in age now.

Shandling:

Well, I looked in the mirror

the other day,

and I swear to you,

I thought, "My God,

I'm turning into

Garry Shandling."

( laughter )

And, I did not

see that coming, Judd.

I just did not see that coming.

And that's the truth.

Apatow:

I was doing a lot

of sets with him at Largo,

and he would come onstage.

And he really was trying

to be present

and almost wasn't

as concerned with the ideas

as much as something happening

and it's like he didn't care

if he had all the jokes.

He wanted moments

to happen onstage,

and he loved the idea

that they didn't laugh at all

then got home and slowly

put it together.

I'm sitting there watching CNN

when they break in and say

Robin Williams

passed away.

And I was frozen.

I mean, really frozen.

It's horrible.

And then

Wolf Blitzer says,

"63 is so young."

And I looked up in hope

for a second.

( laughs )

And I realized,

they don't say 63 is young

except when somebody

passes away.

They don't say "63 is so young

to be still in the NFL."

Apatow:

It was like he had

to reinvent the form

to do it again.

And he didn't know

how he would reinvent it,

but he knew he was not

going to do what he did before.

You know, you've known me

for so long.

And so it's been hard

for me to decide

if I want to go back onstage

or not back onstage.

And this is like

splitting the difference.

Yeah.

( audience laughs )

Shandling:

I'm so happy to see you.

Really, I don't get out much.

I'm a stay-at-home comedian.

And that doesn't mean

I'm not any less funny

than the comedians who get out

and work the clubs.

If I was a woman right now,

you'd be going,

"Well, good for you.

Good for you."

You're a stay-at-home comedian.

That's work.

I'm still single.

I've been single my whole life.

E-Harmony just matched me up

with a gun.

Everybody thinks you're weird

if you didn't get married,

yet the greatest

religious leaders,

like Jesus, and the pope,

and Buddha,

not married.

How f***ed up are they?

Buddha didn't get married

because his wife

would have said,

"Are you going to sit around

like that all day?"

"No, I'm meditating, honey."

"Well, why don't you meditate

while you're taking out

the trash?"

I like Mexican people.

I don't care-- I'm not worried

about them taking my job.

I wish George Lopez was here

now to come up and finish this.

Still they're talking

about a wall,

after all this technology,

the way to protect us

from Mexico is a f***in' wall.

Which I think they did

at the Alamo, didn't they?

Didn't they have a wall,

and then the Mexicans

had what you call...ladders.

I have a complete fear

about the Bible.

I was raised as a Jew,

but I kind of have

a Buddhist practice,

because I'm no f***in' idiot.

The Jewish thing kills you.

You don't even need an accident.

It's just a slow drip, drip,

drip, kind of water torture.

You know, that's why I'm open

to people having marriages

if they're gay,

if it's two men, two women.

The two-women thing

only throws me

if it's two Jewish women,

'cause the idea of two Jewish

mothers makes my head explode.

I have to be honest.

I didn't start

to feel old or anything

until people would say,

"You look tired."

When I wasn't, right?

Not tired at all.

Sort of never felt better

in my life.

But, I mean,

like six times a day,

"You look...

you look tired."

Are those the people that when

they see someone dying, they go,

"You look f***in' exhausted."

Apatow:

We used to share a shrink.

We went to the same

shrink for years.

And then Garry left the shrink

and didn't tell me.

You wait to get on TV

to get mad at me

about all these things.

But, you can't, like,

leave the shrink and not say,

"Hey, Judd, time to leave

the shrink."

Then, like,

five years later,

I'm like, "Hey, how are you

doing with him?"

And, he's like,

"Oh, I left five years ago."

- I'm like, "What?"

- Yeah, that was a masseuse.

Oh.

If you-- if you were

telling him your problems,

that's just a choice.

That's an unusual choice

that you took.

I go up onstage now

to be very real.

Like I fall into the trap

of performing, so to say.

I'm moving from doing

to being.

I love you guys.

That's all I know.

I really love you.

( audience applauds )

I try--

I try and rip this heart out

year after year,

but I still love you.

Woman:

We love you too, Garry.

- I love you, ma'am.

- Woman:
We love you, Garry.

Kevin Smith:

There is no more act.

Life is the act.

You open up your mouth,

and it is the act.

Sacha Baron Cohen:

Garry, for me, was my mentor.

You know, he gave me

the confidence to think

that I could make

really funny stuff.

And, you know,

having a guy who I consider

the greatest comedian

in the world

saying you can do it

and you've got the potential

was immensely inspiring.

And then, he just helped out

with all the movies.

- Yeah.

- You know,

he saw potential in me

and you and McKay

and some others and said,

"All right," you know,

"I'm going to help these guys

achieve what they can achieve,

even if they don't know they're

capable of achieving it."

This guy just wanted

to make people feel better

and make people their best.

He did that for me when I was

doing "The 40-Year-Old Virgin."

He kept saying,

"The end has to be

about the fact

"that his sex is better than

everybody else's sex,

because he's really in love."

And I said,

"I can't show the sex.

I don't know how

to show great sex."

He's like, "You got to do it."

And then, he would call me

all the time and go,

- "Have you figured it out?"

- ( laughs )

And Carell just goes, "Well,

maybe I just sing a song."

Then peace will guide

The planets

And love will steer

The stars

This is the dawning...

- Apatow:
In my head,

I'm putting everything

through a Garry filter.

Just trying to get as truthful

as you can be, no matter what.

And then he always felt like

the comedy would follow.

He's like this comic angel.

When you were in the sh*t,

he would appear.

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