The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling Page #17

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It's so honest.

Well, there's a few things

that the show is about,

and one of them

is friendship.

Seinfeld:

Can you give me

one more compliment?

That I came up with a show

that is such a perfect format

for guys like us,

and particularly you.

You know partly

where I got it from?

Our walk in Central Park

that day doing DVD extras

for "The Larry Sanders Show."

You evidently have not

been watching my show,

"Comedians in Hospitals

Getting Surgery."

( both laugh )

I thought of that

last night.

"Comedians in Hospitals

Getting Surgery"?

Yeah, because I was going

to tell you, you know,

I was in the hospital

getting surgery.

But, if someone asked me,

do you think Garry had that line

or do you think he just

said that in the moment?

That's why I'm sharing it.

- I would tell you I...

- Can't tell.

- I can't tell.

- Yeah.

And I'm pretty good at this.

But let me just

say this.

In the old days, you and I

would take those walks.

And, those were... those were

little soul walks we took.

We were both in the throes

of handling these very

challenging jobs that we had.

And we were doing them

at the same time.

This is part of the key

of our relationship,

and I've told you this before.

I need to hear you say,

"I's a f***in' minefield."

( both laugh )

Because when I say

it's a f***in' minefield,

they go,

"Shandling's complaining."

I don't know why that is.

Thanks, Gar. Thank you.

I'm telling you,

the truth of us

is talking right now.

- Right.

- And I appreciate it.

- Me, too.

- That's all that matters.

- I agree.

- Okay, buddy.

It's like, how many people

can you sit down with

and talk with this way?

The guys who diffuse the bombs.

Those two guys.

You think when they sit down

and have a cup of coffee,

you think it's quiet a lot?

- I think it's this...

- ( both laughing )

They're both saying

something like that, yeah.

( spoon clinking )

Shandling:

You know, I went in

to get a CT scan

on last Wednesday.

And I go in there,

and the guy says,

"Hey, Garry Shandling,

I'm a big fan."

He said, "I did a CT scan

a year ago of you."

He said, "Do you have cancer?"

I said, "No."

Then he said, "Oh, good,

so you're still alive,

"because I was

watching the news,

"and it seemed like

if you'd passed away

I would've heard

about it on the news."

And I said, "Well,

"I don't know, man."

I mean, I don't know if they

would've broken in or anything.

But, you know, I didn't

know what to say to the guy.

He kept at it.

He said, "That's great that

Garry Shandling's still alive."

I wrote a joke that said,

"I can meditate to the

point where my mind is blank,

but then there's

no one to blame."

You know, I did

that joke onstage.

And, of course,

it's not really a joke.

But then this is the luck

of my life:

Judd Apatow says to me,

"Hey, I'm Skyping

with Ram Dass tomorrow.

Come on over."

Who's that?

That's Garry Shandling

just popped in.

Garry, lean in so we can

see you there.

Shandling:

Do you have any clue who I am?

Ram Dass:

Yeah, I know who you are.

You look great.

You just look great.

- Thank you.

- Shandling:
I don't know what--

Garry just

asked you that

because he wants you

to tell him how he looks.

( laughs )

You know, I've been meditating

for 35 years,

so I can meditate until...

my mind is pretty empty,

pretty blank.

But then there's no one

to blame.

( laughs )

Now I realize I have an audience

for my meditation material.

( both laugh )

Humor is great

in spiritual work.

It gets you there.

- Yeah.

- I'd say

in here, not here.

Shandling:

Yeah.

Here is serious.

Here is a judge.

Here is... yehh.

- And down here...

- Yeah.

...there's really humor

down here.

Buddha said

no one is enemy.

- No one is enemy.

- No one.

The...

the true enemy

is ignorance.

Shandling:
The true enemy

is the ignorance.

Yeah.

Shandling:

All my journey is

is to be authentically

who I am,

not trying to be somebody else

under all circumstances.

Have you found

confusion?

Sure, there isn't--

the whole world is confused,

because they're trying

to be somebody else.

To be your true self,

it takes enormous work.

Then we can start to look

at the problems in the world.

But instead,

ego drives it.

Ego drives the world.

Ego drives the problems.

So you have to work

in an egoless way.

This egolessness,

which is the key

to being authentic,

is a battle.

Dass:

Everything is part

of an ocean of love.

Go within.

There's loving awareness.

Loving awareness.

Yeah.

Dass:

And there's no time than now.

My body lives in time.

My psychology

lives in time.

But I don't live in time.

I live in this moment.

This moment.

This... this moment.

Yeah, I understand.

And you have been...

been...

in my heart.

And my heart's just warm

just being with you.

Great. Thanks.

Sorry about Judd.

( all laugh )

Apatow:

Thank you very much.

It was an honor

to talk to you.

Namaste. Namaste.

- ( wind gusting )

- ( leaves rustling )

( birds singing )

Apatow:

To me, how I see it,

it feels like he spent

his whole life

rewriting a moment

when his brother died.

Where he wanted people

to be there and to be real

and to not wear masks

and to be present.

He sought that his whole life,

and he also made art

about that.

DeBecker:

That's a big part

of his journey.

And I think before he died,

he had a lot of healing

around that brother wound

altogether.

And one of the ways he got it,

and you're part of it,

and I'm blessed

to be part of it,

is long-term relationships

with people

who stayed loyal to him

and loving of him,

because we loved him

no matter what.

In the hospital, not funny,

we loved him.

Not working, we loved him.

Not on a TV show,

we loved him.

Whatever it was.

And I think that began

to sink in

in his last year of life.

I don't think it, I know it.

I saw it.

Well, you know,

I always...

you know, wondered,

you know, how...

how Garry was doing.

And we talked about Garry

feeling stronger...

spiritually

after fighting through

all of these issues

and the issue

of his brother dying,

which always felt weird

that he never talked about it.

But it felt like

a missing piece

of the puzzle.

And then, in reading

some of his journals,

there was a letter

to his brother.

Hmm.

Oh, boy.

Michael Cera (reading):

"Dear Barry,

"you died during the night.

My hunch is that you were

a special spirit,

blessed and cursed

with a disease.

What you went through,

could I have

understood then?

I saw your pain and coughing

during the night.

Did we ever talk about it?

I remember Dad crying

to perhaps another man.

'We've lost him.'

It's the only real,

honest moment I recall.

As you passed,

a little boy like me

doesn't know where he stops

and his brother picks up.

So when you died, I died.

You ripped away

at your time

and the deep abandonment

and missing you

and being alone in that house

without a brother,

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