The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling Page #18

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without you.

The emotional pain

was immense.

That is how much I missed you

and how sad I was.

And yet,

no way to express it.

So as I dissolved that

boundary between you and I,

that energy that went

is the energy that is sad.

To invite and love you again,

open up to this light,

your light and my light,

I claim victory for you,

for me, for us.

So, Barry, I tell you

that I love you.

You were, are, joy.

Now and another time

we will play together,

and I will know you

as a brother.

Goodbye from this world.

Goodbye from the pain

of your body.

I honor your life.

What a special,

short life

to affect me so severely

for so long.

Thank you.

See you on the other side.

I love you."

( music playing )

Shandling:

Before I leave tonight,

I would like to leave you

with this one thought.

When I die,

I want it to say--

the little epitaph

on my gravestone to say:

"Thank God I don't

have to be funny anymore."

But I know on the gravestone

next to me, it's going to say:

"You never were."

Thank you, you've been

a terrific audience.

Thank you. Good night.

( static crackles )

( music playing )

Apatow:

It's been very emotional to go

down the rabbit hole of Garry.

But I feel like it's a lesson

for me to just think very deeply

about Garry's life

and his death,

and to learn from it.

It's odd that Prince just died,

because Garry and Prince

were very similar.

( audience laughs )

There really were no differences

when you really get down to it.

Garry was the Prince

of comedy.

( applause )

He was mysterious,

complicated,

sexually ambiguous.

His talent was endless.

He was a brilliant performer

who may or not

have been high

the entire time.

He had great hair.

Both stood up against The Man

to get their sh*t back.

And both were sexy

as a motherf***er.

"Larry Sanders Show"

was Garry's "Purple Rain."

"It's Garry Shandling's Show"

was his "Dirty Mind."

The only difference

between the two men

is that Garry had

a huge cock.

( laughter and applause )

That is the joke Garry would

have wanted, and we know that.

Nealon:

The truth is, I think it was

very hard to be Garry.

He was complex.

At times neurotic.

Persnickety.

High-maintenance.

A perfectionist

with the highest standards.

And he could be a handful.

Being in his company

required extra patience.

I think the fact that he spelled

his name with two R's

was a warning that he was going

to be complicated.

( clears throat )

I don't know why he creates

that much trouble for himself.

He loved homes

and looking at houses,

and he did hate his house.

For years, he complained

about his house,

and how it wasn't facing

the right direction,

and the light wasn't

hitting it right.

And for years, he toiled

with architects and contractors,

and he had blueprints all over

his dining room table

and the dining room walls.

This beautiful,

amazing home in this gorgeous,

park-like setting

with stunning views

of the Pacific Ocean

continued to be

Garry's albatross.

( laughter and applause )

That was Garry.

That was Garry.

I loved our conversations

on the phone.

I'm going to miss those

late into the night,

talking about comedy

and joke structure.

It was just him and me.

And, on occasion,

Anthony Pellicano.

( laughter and applause )

And the sad irony

of all this now,

is that Garry is reunited with

his mother for all eternity.

And that kills me.

It kills me.

( laughter and applause )

( sighs )

I wish Garry was here.

He was always so proud

when I got a big laugh.

Monk:

Garry came into my life,

and into the lives

of our community,

about two decades ago.

In the Zen world,

one of the greatest compliments

we can give a person is to share

that they're a real human being.

And Garry was certainly that.

He was always there for me,

and it's so clear he was always

there for each one of us

here this evening,

and so many who are not

in this room.

It's such an honor

that he came into my life.

There's a calligraphy on

the wall in our meditation hall

that's written by my teacher.

It says, "The tears I shed

yesterday have become rain."

And, for me, that's very much

what's in my heart this evening.

You are within each one of us,

and you are everywhere.

You have arrived.

You are home.

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