The Zero Theorem

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()

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(RINGING CONTINUES)

Hello? Hello?

(PERSON TALKING

INDISTINCTLY OVER PHONE)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Another day.

Another day.

(BELL JINGLES)

(SIGHS)

(CONSTRUCTION MACHINES

GRINDING AND POUNDING)

Go away.

Go away.

(MAN COUGHS)

()

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

When I say stop,

you have to... Morning.

Have a nice day.

WOMAN (OVER SPEAKER):

Good morning, madam.

We at Euphoria Finance want to

put the "you" back into euphoria.

Your lifestyle is our concern.

Your dreams are our dreams.

That's why we say,

"Enough is never enough."

Call us today and ask for more.

Good morning, madam.

We at Euphoria...

Everyone's getting

rich, except you.

Learn the secrets of their

success tonight at 8 on DuMBC.

Bored with Buddhism,

sick of Scientology?

Then the Church of Batman the

Redeemer may be the answer.

The future has come and gone.

Where were you?

Don't miss out the next

time. Call 897-3434.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(HORNS HONKING)

WOMAN 1:
Occupy Mall Street now.

Autumn sales have

started. Bargains galore.

Up to 100 percent

off selected items.

Autumn sales have

started. Bargains galore.

Up to 100 percent

off selected items.

WOMAN 2:

...24 hours a day at BabyC.

We've cut out all the bad news.

()

FEMALE ANNOUNCER: We live in

a chaotic, confusing world.

So many choices, so little time.

What do we need?

Who do with love?

What brings us joy?

(DOG BARKING)

MALE ANNOUNCER:
Mancom, making

sense of the good things in life.

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

Ahem. I hope you enjoyed

our presentation.

- Thank you. Thank you very much.

- Thank you.

Now, if you'll please follow me.

Please stay together. Here's

your chance to observe

Mancom's proprietary Q-void

computation system in action.

No photos, please. Thank you.

We call it the power of six.

Six degrees of convergence,

providing stability for

business or personal needs.

As you can see, our company

encourages an atmosphere

of vigorous but

healthy competition.

(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMEN OVER SPEAKER)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello, Qohen Leth. Corporate

Health Maintenance

have approved review of your

disability request for today at 14:40.

Please be prompt.

We're nothing if not prompt.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

All right, Quinn.

How's it hanging?

It's Qohen, Mr. Joby.

And as we've told you before,

it isn't hanging well. We're dying.

You should see the medics about

that. Can't afford to lose you.

- We have an appointment this afternoon.

- Not this afternoon.

- You approved it.

- Cancel.

You got still the Transfinite

Paradox project due today.

Finished.

Pathologics division's running

the standard redundancies.

You do all that this morning?

As mentioned to you repeatedly,

we detest working here.

Considering our output, we

can't begin to understand

- why you insist on our coming here.

- That's a Management issue.

- It's Qohen. Q, no U, O-H-E-N.

- Out of my hands.

Then perhaps we should be

talking to Management.

No, no, no. Nobody

speaks to Management.

You know that. No way, no way.

Look, take my advice.

Knock off the bitching and

moaning. It's not bad.

We could accept braving

this ghastly place

were it not for fear

of missing our call.

Oh, that call, yeah. Could you not let

the machine take it or call forwarding?

I could always bend the rules

on personal calls in your case.

We have to be home to receive it.

Look, I'll see what I

can do, all right?

Sorry.

- We prefer not to be touched.

- All right.

DOCTOR 1:
Qohen Leth,

ontological research division,

requesting disability leave.

Or reassignment to work at home.

That's Management's

decision, Mr. Leth.

We only deal with

health issues here.

What seems to be the problem?

- We are dying.

- DOCTOR 2:
Who's we?

Us. Ourselves.

- But there's only one of you.

- QOHEN:
So it would appear.

(DOCTOR 1 COUGHS)

This subject has undergone

five physicals the last year.

He's healthy as a horse.

- My hair has fallen out.

- DOCTOR 1:
Perfectly normal.

You're the most productive

number cruncher in your unit.

Entity crunchers.

We work with esoteric data

that have a life on their own

and are substantially more

complex than numbers.

In the experience of this board, dying

people are rarely so productive.

- QOHEN:
Nevertheless, we're dying.

- No, we're not.

Yes, we are.

- No, we're not.

- Yes, we are.

- We're not.

- Yes, we are.

- Not. Not. Not.

- Bus, bus.

May the party-party bug.

DOCTOR 3:
I'll do this one.

(DOCTOR 1 COUGHING)

You're not dying.

Although, in a way,

from the moment of birth,

we all begin to die.

Call it divinely

planned obsolescence.

Soon or late, beggar or king,

death is the end of all things.

Why, life might be seen as a virus

infecting the perfect

organism of death.

DOCTOR 2:
That's enough, doctor.

It's true.

Disability request denied.

It's back to work for you.

However, this board recommends

further psychiatric evaluation.

QOHEN:

I haven't time for more therapists.

I hope you'll have time for this.

Did you hear about

tonight? Changed.

- It's not 8, it's 7:30, right?

- Okay.

I'm going as a tiger.

(BOTH LAUGH)

All right, Quinn. I told you, the

medics wouldn't help. Leave it.

It's all right. Joby's on

the job. Problem solved.

- You're sending us home?

- One thing at a time.

I can get Management to see you.

He's coming to my party tonight.

- Party?

- I'll just give you the address.

You turn up and I'll do the rest.

We're afraid we can't.

What, staying in and

washing your hair?

We have to stay home,

wait for our call.

Look, do you want my help or not?

We fear parties.

Never quite know where to stand.

(LAUGHING)

You kill me, you lunatic. You

don't know where to stand?

You gotta love it.

I'll see you tonight, Quinn.

It's Qohen.

Hey! Quinn!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING INSIDE)

That's the wrong way.

This way. This way.

Party. Party. Come in. Come in.

MAN:
Yeah.

This is the main room,

everything's free in there.

Hello, Barbara. How you

doing, darling? All right?

You... She can't...

You see what this is?

You see this? Know what it is?

That's marble. It's real marble.

This place is covered in it.

It's my uncle's.

It was my uncle's. He lost everything

in the Sit On My Facebook crash.

The removal men are coming tomorrow

but tonight, it's ours,

so you party. Heh. Whoo!

- Is Management here?

- Mm! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Keep it down. You don't wanna

start a rumour, right?

- Where's Management?

- Shh.

When he gets here,

I'll let you know.

In the meantime, lighten up.

Have some fun for a change.

And mingle, Quinn.

Mingle, all right?

It's Qohen.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

(MAN LAUGHS)

Hi.

I love the look.

Final evolution or re-product?

Maximum brain, minimalist body.

Excuse us.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

()

(CLINKING)

(GASPS)

Sit.

Now, what seems to be the problem?

We simply want to go home.

Home?

(MUTTERS)

We can tell that you are a

man who values his solitude,

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