Theatre of Blood Page #3

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But how did you know this?

I havent seen anything in the papers.

Sprouty decapitated.

I was to take him to our rehearsal this

morning, but when I called at his house...

There, there, my child.

- Can I get you a brandy?

- Oh, no. No, thank you.

Its just that Mr Sprout

was such a good friend to our group.

He took such an interest in me.

Im not surprised, my dear.

Old Sprouty always had an eye for talent.

- You are an actress?

- Yes, but only an amateur.

Mr Sprout was kind enough

to say hed watch us rehearse

and give us the benefit

of his professional opinion.

Can you imagine how brave it was of poor

Mrs Sprout, even in her terrible distress,

to suggest that I come to you,

his best friend,

and ask you to substitute?

- Right now, you mean?

- Oh, but could you?

Could you?

Well, ld do anything for old Sprouty.

Perhaps after rehearsal,

we could have a little supper together?

And then you could tell me

what you think of me.

About your performance, you mean?

Yes. Shall we go?

(sirens)

So from now on

until this madman is apprehended,

you will all be protected

day and night by one of our men.

Thank goodness for that. Dyou hear that?

This nice policeman is going to see to it

that were all, all, all of us, all right.

Oh, God, Merridew. Dont be so

disgusting. I need another drink.

What about our families?

What about my wretched wife?

- Were the targets. Not our families.

- Yes, youre right, Mr Devlin.

- What is it, Sergeant?

- Mr Dickman, sir.

His office said he was at lunch,

so I sent a car to the restaurant right

away, but lm afraid we missed him.

- Missed him?

- Only just.

- Come on.

- (dogs whimper)

I think well all have a drink.

( fanfare)

I do hope youll enjoy this, Mr Dickman.

Its our most ambitious production.

Really?

- Put the prisoner in the dock.

- Hear! Hear!

Its living theatre

with audience participation.

Living theatre! How very interesting.

A unique conception.

(Lionheart) You call me misbeliever,

cut-throat dog,

And spit upon my Jewish gaberdine.

Well, then, it now appears

you need my help.

Shall I bend low,

and in a bondsmans key,

With bated breath and

whispering humbleness say this:

Fair sir, you spit on me

on Wednesday last,

You spurnd me such a day;

another time you calld me dog...

- Ah, were doing The Merchant of Venice.

- And you are Antonio.

Me Antonio? lm no actor. Im just a critic.

Youll find weve made

several slight alterations in the text

and one rather large cut.

Thou calldst me dog

before thou hadst a cause,

But, if I am a dog,

beware my fangs.

I have possessd your Grace

of what I purpose;

And by our holy Sabbath have I sworn

To have the due and forfeit of my bond.

Psst! Psst!

Oh, its me.

- Its your cue.

- Oh.

Make no more offers?

Make no more offers,

use no further means;

But with all brief and plain conveniency,

Let me have judgment

and this man his will.

No, no, no, with more feeling.

Let me have judgment

and this man his will!

I pray you, let me look upon the bond.

Here tis, most reverend doctor; here it is.

Why, this bond is forfeit;

And lawfully by this

Shylock may claim a pound of flesh

To be by him cut off

Nearest the merchants heart.

Be merciful.

There is no power in the tongue of man

To alter me.

I stand here on my bond.

Oh, thats me again.

Most heartily I do beseech the court

To give the judgment.

Why then, thus it is:

You must prepare your bosom

for his knife.

Tis very true. O wise and upright judge.

Therefore lay bare your bosom.

(Dickman chuckles)

Now, look here...

Lay bare your bosom.

Living theatre, yes,

but isnt this going a bit too far?

(drum roll)

Come, Merchant,

have you anything to say?

Repent not you

that you shall lose your friend,

And he repents not

that he pays your debt;

For if he do but cut deep enough,

Ill pay it instantly with all my heart.

Now we come to the part where Portia,

with a mean pettifogging little piece

of legal trickery, saves your life.

But we have revised the script.

No! Argh! Argh! Argh!

Lionheart...

Do you still think that

my Shylock was inadequate?

That is the adjective you used,

I believe - inadequate.

No, no. The best. The best!

I always said you were the best.

No, the best is given the Critics Award.

Why did you vote against me?

I didnt. It was Devlin.

Now let me go, please. Let me go!

Devlin? You craven scum.

Youre hardly worth the trouble

and expense of this special performance.

Oh, no, no, no!

Aaargh!

- It was a pound exactly, was it not?

- A pound, no more, no less.

This is two ounces over.

16 ounces exactly.

Art thou content?

I am content.

(rapturous applause)

(inspector) There they go.

Mr Larding and Miss Moon.

Well, they should be nicely taken care of.

Yes.

Now, Mr Devlin, you had something

to say to me in private.

Ive an idea who might be

responsible for the killings.

Indeed. Thats what

we want to hear, Mr Devlin.

Are you familiar with

the plays of William Shakespeare?

Ive been to the Old Vic once or twice.

I wouldnt call myself a scholar.

No, no. Well, take a look at this.

Ah, Edward Lionheart again.

Well, what about him?

Julius Caesar was stabbed to death by

several assassins on the ides of March -

the 1 5th of March.

Thats very interesting.

- What date was Maxwell murdered?

- 1 5th of March, sir.

- And the cause of death?

- 28 lacerations of the...

Yes, fine, fine.

- Multiple stab wounds.

- Right.

In Troilus and Cressida

Hector is murdered with a spear

and his body is dragged away

tied to the tail of a horse.

In Cymbeline, lmogen wakes up

and finds the headless body

of Cloten in bed with her.

Yes, well, thats all very provocative,

Mr Devlin, but what would his motive be?

I think I know only too well.

The Critics Circle Awards two years ago.

You see, Lionheart was totally convinced

the Best Actor Award was going to him.

In fact, hed even

risen to his feet to accept it.

But, by a unanimous decision, it went to a

brilliant newcomer - William Woodstock.

There you are.

(Devlin) After the awards we came back

here for drinks prior to our annual dinner.

By the way, Perry, I brought

the awards back for safekeeping.

Thank you. What arrangements

have you made about the engravings?

The goldsmith will have them

engraved within the week.

Fine.

Well, I think this calls for a toast, hm?

- I think it all went well, dont you?

- (all murmur in agreement)

- I felt the caterers did very well...

- Very good, yes.

Hm?

Lionheart, what the hell

do you want here?

This!

My just reward.

The whole world knows

that it is mine by right.

But you deliberately withheld it from me.

You deliberately humiliated me

before the press, my public and my peers.

It was the culmination of

your determined denial of my genius.

Weve denied you nothing.

For 30 years the public has acknowledged

that I was the master

and that this year my season of

Shakespeare was the shining jewel

in the crown of the immortal Bard.

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