Theodora Goes Wild Page #3

some cookies for you,

but I met a hungry man and he ate them up.

You run along, dear.

You know, Theodora,

this low trick you're playing on Lynnfield

tells me that there's hope for you yet.

Of course, not much, but just a little.

-But there's nothing low about it.

-No?

You're only hoping to conceal it

from Rebecca Perry

the fact that

her daughter is going to have a baby.

You lie about finding her work in New York,

and you hide her away

with your sinful old uncle.

Adelaide's married.

Of course, that makes all the difference

in the world, doesn't it?

Well, I had to do something about it.

The poor girl was frantic.

Their parents don't know

anything about her being married

and that baby husband of hers

going back to school.

That's the old spirit. And I love you for it.

And I'm going to be proud of you yet.

Not if I can help it, Uncle.

Well, this is fine. Here we are.

Cute little place, isn't it? Good evening.

Did you ever see so many

hors d'oeuvres in all your life?

You can take all you want.

That's the nice part about it.

Yes. Ethel always comes here

after one of her 18-day diets.

Well, it's a quaint little place.

Yeah, little Swedish restaurant

not many people know.

I thought you'd like it.

It's quiet and out of the way.

-You'd never meet a soul here you'd know.

-That's good.

-What was that, Arthur?

-I was just saying that

we carry the hors d'oeuvres to the table

and the rest of the meal will be served there.

You were? I doubt that very much.

Mystery, mystery. All I get is mystery.

I'm dying to know something

about Miss Adams,

and all I get is talk behind my back.

Will you lead the way, dear?

I must admit,

you've got me running in circles.

I thought you were a woman of 50.

With your hair dyed, your face lifted, and...

Cocktails, ladies? What'll it be?

Martini. And here you are,

an adorable young thing.

And your modesty, my dear.

Your girlish sweetness. I'm baffled.

-Cocktail, Miss Adams?

-No, thank you. None for me.

-Why not?

-Don't pester her, Ethel.

If she doesn't want one,

she doesn't want one.

Two martinis, please.

Yes, sir. They'll be at your table.

Now, before I pass out with curiosity,

tell me, don't you ever...

-Please, angel, please.

-Writers' lives are very dull, Mrs. Stevenson.

Very dull. I'm sure you'd be disappointed.

All right, I won't be a pest.

But you do make people curious.

-Now, Michael said...

-He's apt to say most anything, that fellow.

Or do anything, for that matter.

I like him, but he certainly

can be most annoying.

He's a trifle mad, isn't he?

Try some of this. It's very good.

How in the world did you

know that we were here?

Well, I said to myself, "lf I were Stevenson,

and wanted to avoid Michael,

"what would be the most

out-of-the-way place to which I'd go?"

And, boom, I hit it.

First crack out of the box.

How's everybody? Glad you're on time,

because I'm pretty hungry.

And I'm so glad you came here.

I love hors d'oeuvres.

Anybody ask you to have dinner with us?

-Not formally.

-Or informally?

Well, in a way, no.

Well, this is the end of the line.

I guess we may as well sit down.

Lead the way to our table, Ethel.

Miss Adams.

Arthur.

-Now, let's see.

-Wonderful food here.

It's a wonder you can eat anything

after all those cookies.

You know how it is with growing boys.

No, I don't. How is it with growing boys?

You've got me, pal.

Waiter, here and here, please.

Concoct another one of those for me,

bartender.

Very well, sir.

-Wait a minute. Not drinking?

-No, thank you. Not drinking.

-You mean you never drink?

-Did I say I never drink?

But you look as though you never drank.

And for Caroline Adams,

that's very interesting. Tell me, do you...

That'll do for you, Mr. Grant.

It's no use, Michael.

I've been working on Miss Adams

half an hour.

She won't let down her back hair.

That's all there is to it.

I see.

But the point is, has she got any back hair?

All this talk about drinking

has made me a little thirsty, though.

-Waiter?

-Yes, ma'am.

Straight whiskey.

Ethel, you're not keeping up with us.

Little Ethie feels like

she's had a drop too much.

You and Michael seem to

have been drinking your dinner.

I was just showing the gentleman

my back hair.

Would you say it was down now, Mr. Grant?

Well, I wouldn't say it wasn't.

Hadn't we better start thinking

about your train now, Caroline?

That's right, Arthur.

You keep me posted now. Keep me posted.

-Check, please.

-Yes, sir.

Say, did I hear you say you never danced?

Who, me? Well, you certainly didn't.

I know a hot little night spot

that's just opened uptown.

-You do?

-That is if you go to that sort of place.

-Well, I write about them, don't l?

-That's right, you do.

In fact, when I hear about a new hot spot,

I'm like an old fire horse and the bell.

No.

You know, talking about fire horses,

I haven't seen a fire horse since I was a kid.

Well, my dear fellow,

you're missing something.

-We still have them up in our town.

-Where's that?

Wouldn't he like to know?

It's train time now, Caroline. Let's go.

There is another train in about two hours.

Let's just take a peek at this night spot.

Come on, Arthur. Come on, Ethel, make him.

Well, I'm not feeling my best,

but I started all this

and I'm going to finish it.

Here you go.

-Let's go. Come on.

-Pure accident.

Come on, let's go.

How are you doing, Caroline?

I'm flying.

I'm floating on a breeze.

Pure accident.

That was no accident, lady,

that was my foot.

Michael was right.

She's got a terrific constitution

and it doesn't show.

Little Goldilocks drank me

right under the table.

-I'm passing out, lamb.

-Here, here, dear.

Now, don't do anything like that.

We've got to put Caroline on that train.

Mama's big boy better get little Ethie

out of here right now.

Now, be sensible, pet.

We can't leave Caroline here like this.

We've got to put her on that train.

I know, way out west somewhere.

Michael will put her on the range.

Ducky, better get little Ethie out of here

while she can still walk.

Here, take my arm.

I wish I knew what started all this.

Come on, dear. Now be careful, be careful.

You're one of those clever fellows,

aren't you?

That's what they all say.

Had your mind all made up about me,

didn't you?

Thought I didn't drink.

Thought I didn't dance, too.

Pure accident.

Here we are, my dear. My own little nest.

Aren't you coming in?

Naturally.

What a lovely place, Michael.

It's so inspiring.

Coming from an expert, that's something.

You mean me?

Yes. I was referring to the apartment

you wrote about.

You know, what's-his-name's place

where Pamela was lured.

Yes. Poor little Pamela.

Are these your etchings?

Poor things, but my own.

Here's my latest, most ambitious work.

Almost finished.

Eve and the serpent.

Charming. Perfectly charming.

Shall I take your coat?

Aren't you going to stay for a while?

Naturally.

-Perhaps you don't want to stay?

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