There Was a Crooked Man... Page #4

to every sheriff in the territory.

That's how you made your living.

You've done it for me. Remember Simmons?

That was different.

I never could stand Simmons.

He was a mean son of a b*tch.

And all the others before him?

- I didn't care about them neither.

- But you do care about Pitman.

Do you think he's your friend?

Yeah.

I guess that's what he is.

A friend.

So you finally found one.

That's all. Go back to your cell.

Step it up, boys. Step it up.

Paris, whatever that is that you're drawing,

you can see it clear across the yard.

Hey, you three down there!

What's all that talk about?

Oh, just trying to get this whitewash

the right shade, captain.

Them buzzards on that wall

don't miss a trick, do they?

Pick it up.

Pick it up, you stupid Chink!

Pick it up!

What's going on?

Goddamn Chiney won't move.

What's troubling you, Ah-Ping?

Come on down, talk about it.

Ah-Ping, hold it!

Warden, don't you move a muscle.

Ah-Ping, put it down.

Put it down.

Put it down, Ah-Ping.

Now, come on down.

Come on.

Come on down.

Why don't you go back to the cell

and take it easy?

See you in my quarters after supper.

Yes, sir.

Pitman, this afternoon,

why'd you do that?

Just wanted to see if I could.

I ask you in here to say thanks,

and you smart-mouth me.

Oh, is that why you asked me here?

I'm gonna tell you something.

It doesn't make a damn bit of sense to me,

but those men look up to you.

What does that mean to you?

Oh, maybe an extra cup of coffee,

a few cigarettes.

Don't you give a damn what you mean

to them? What you can do for them?

So long, warden.

I'll see you around the yard.

Why do you work at it so hard,

proving to yourself you're a son of a b*tch?

Because I am. It's my profession.

And I'm at the top.

- Top of a prison yard.

- Not for long.

It's not so easy

being a leader of men, is it?

Pitman.

Those men out there are filthy as hogs.

Can't you at least get them

to take a bath?

- Missouri Kid, you're next.

- No!

There's a limit, damn it!

A man's got his pride!

Come on, Kid, everybody's

gotta take a bath once in his life.

I ain't gonna do it!

I ain't gonna get in there!

Soap and water ain't gonna kill you.

- It's the idea of the thing! It's humiliating!

- Go on. Get.

I'll give you 10 smokes.

I'll give you 15 smokes.

Paris. Twenty. Twenty specials.

Now, don't... Stop that!

Twenty-five. Special!

Listen. I've had this thing on

for 35 years...

...and you're not gonna

get me out of it now!

Oh, for God's sakes,

leave them on, Paris!

It's the only way

they're gonna get washed!

Kid, we all gotta go sometime.

Oh, my God.

This is worse than I thought.

Hey, cut that out, Kid.

No peeing in the water.

- All right, Watkins, you're clean enough.

- Yes, sir.

Well, that's the whole lot, warden.

- Oh, no, it isn't.

- Hey, now, hold on. You can't mean...

You know, standing downwind

of you like this...

...I began to notice a...

- All right. All right.

I'm going in.

Hey, not a bad idea, at that.

This way, we'll always know

when you're coming.

Even on a dark night.

Just a minute.

Have it your way, warden.

Just stay away

when we're eating, please?

Damn it.

Which of these is the freshest?

Well, I wouldn't let a cow drink out

of any of them.

It's gonna be all right. All right.

What is?

They kicked and fussed, but they did it,

they took their bath.

Pretty soon they're gonna be

doing it regularly.

The same with going to school,

they'll take to it after a while.

Paris, in two years,

you won't recognize this place.

It won't do you any good.

- I took the bullets out.

- I took the bullets out.

You look like

you know what you're doing.

- Were you ever a painter?

- Painters? Why, we're artists.

Folks used to come from miles around

to buy our pictures.

We could use a few around this place.

Flowers, landscapes,

scenes from the Bible, angels.

Angels? Angels is what we do best.

You'd think they were gonna

fly off the wall.

All right, loudmouth, do one.

- What?

- Let's see you draw one damn angel.

Even a straight line.

Actually, I just give him the ideas,

you see.

Yeah, but she ain't got much

in the chest department.

She's an angel, stupid.

So what?

She's still a woman, ain't she?

You know, you ought to forget about them

angels, Whinner, and just draw tits.

That ain't how I remember them.

That's how they are.

You know, every guy in this prison

would pay real money for a picture like that.

Big money for something better

than angels.

Come here, friend. Here.

Beautiful. Remember? How about that?

Put this man on the rock pile.

Work him all day,

every day till I say stop.

Yes, sir.

Warden.

You sure came down on him.

That sort of thing really gets to you,

don't it?

As I recall,

you don't imbibe strong spirits either.

What do you do?

Poor old McNutt.

Hell, all he's trying to do

is turn an honest dollar.

- See that spindle over there?

- Yeah.

Go over to him and pass the time of day.

- What am I supposed to do?

- Just be friendly-like.

Try to walk in.

- How are you today, Otis?

- One more step and I'll blow your head off.

How are them angels coming along?

Use up lots of paint.

The way you draw them,

I can hardly wait to get to heaven.

What are you laughing at?

He was gonna blow my head off.

It's a wonder your back ain't broke.

Little bastard.

He draws tits and I draw the rock pile.

Still, I sure wish we could get Dudley

to bust out with us.

To hell with Dudley Whinner.

Count me in.

Cyrus, that ain't the point.

It ain't you we need, it's him.

Since he don't seem to take to it,

looks like you're out.

- All right, that ought to do it, boys.

- Paris.

- Let me work on him. I'll swing him around.

- Think so?

Strikes me, when that little feller

makes up his mind, he just don't budge.

Course, if anybody could budge him,

I guess you'd be the one, but, well...

Come on.

Oh, Paris.

Like you to meet our doctor, Dr. Loomis.

Doc, this is Paris Pitman. He's our...

Well, sort of our foreman around here.

- Pitman. Looks good.

- Thank you.

Looks real good.

Doctors, dining rooms...

Pretty soon, folks will be paying

to get in this place.

It'll be fine, just fine. Two more weeks.

At the most, two weeks.

Hey, Kid.

- How often you go in the guards' barracks?

- Whenever it needs cleaning. Why?

How many guns they keep in there?

Oh, at least 15 smokes.

How about $ 15,000 instead?

Do you mean

that you want me with you?

No, I'm just an old coot. I'd slow you up.

Not you, Kid.

You got more savvy than any of them.

And the fact that I can get to them guns

don't mean a thing, does it?

Kid, maybe I can con the rest of them,

but I wouldn't try it on you.

I swear I never seen a man

so full of cow sh*t in my whole life.

Hey, how can you say a thing like that?

Listen, you pissant,

this is the Missouri Kid you're talking to.

Fifteen thousand dollars.

A real farm...

...not a dream.

Think about it.

What the hell. Why not?

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