They Came Together Page #7

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Yeah!

- It's Chariots of Fire.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa...

- Chariots of Fire.

- No, no, hon...

Yay, Brenda!

- You got it! She got it!

- Wow! That was great, babe!

Movie. Movie.

- Paws!

- Laws!

- Jizz!

- Jews!

Time's up. Jaws.

I was doing Jaws.

Told you I wasn't good at this.

You're great at this.

- Now it's New Year's!

- Now it's New Year's Eve!

Two minutes until the New Year!

New Year's Eve.

- Hey.

- Hi.

You look great.

Thanks. So do you.

All right, everybody, get ready.

It's one more minute.

I'm gonna get a drink.

Do you want one?

Oh, uh... I'm all right.

Everybody, listen up!

I got somethin' to say.

I wasn't gonna do this tonight, but

I was just thinkin' about

it, and what the heck?

Hey, Molly.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Yes?

Yes?

Yes.

Eight, seven, six...

- Oh, happy day!

- Five, four,

three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

Why did you say yes?

He's so clearly wrong for you.

It's one of those weird ones.

I guess that's just what it is,

one of those weird ones, huh?

Shall we just chalk it up

to that and move on?

Happy New Year!

Do you love me?

I love Saturdays.

I know you love Saturdays,

but do you love me?

I think you're A-okay.

How many times do I have to

say it before you believe me?

Look, there's something

I need to tell you.

Ever since you and I got back together,

something hasn't felt right.

I think deep down, you're

a horrible person.

Granted, you're smoking hot.

And that's something no one

could ever take away from you.

Except of course, Father Time, who will

most certainly take that away from you

sooner rather than later.

But that's not my point.

What is your point?

My point is...

I'm sorry, but it's over.

Are you breaking up with me?

Yes. And I should have

done it a long time ago.

You and I are like rain-proofing

on a wooden deck.

Finished.

Well, fine.

And you want to know

something? I always faked it.

Faked what? Your orgasms?

No, Joel. I'm not

who you think I am.

Judge Judy?

That's right. And for the record,

those orgasms were

as real as they get.

Now get your sh*t together, Joel.

It all fell apart that night.

As the weeks and months passed,

I tried to move on with my life.

I tried to focus on my

work, started exercising,

and got married, but

it didn't pan out.

By the time Spring came, I thought

I might finally be over Molly.

Then I noticed something

on my fridge.

- Are you okay, bubela?

- Hmm...

Oh, yeah. I'm good. I'm just

thinking about some stuff.

Let me tell you a little story.

Wait! Who is this person?

My bubby.

The lady I was talking about

that likes fiction books?

- Oh, your grandmother.

- Yeah.

Let me tell you a little story.

It's about bagels.

Wait, say no more. I've got it.

You were gonna say the bagels are a

metaphor for the circle of life.

No, I wasn't gonna say that.

Oh, my God, of course!

How could I have not seen it?

I let my desire to land the

Dickricker account cloud my judgment!

I know exactly what to do!

Thank you, Bubby!

Oh, Joel, I'm so proud of you!

What are we doin'?

I don't know, but

it feels so right.

Oh, God, Bubby, I wanna

f*** you so bad.

Do it. Do it, Joel.

Don't overthink this.

Oh, no. I...

I should go.

Yeah, I get it.

Hey, Bubby.

Yes, bubela?

Thanks.

All those in favor

of demolishing Upper

Sweet Side once and

for all, say "aye."

Aye.

Wait!

Joel? What are you doing here?

We can't do this.

Oh, yes, we can. And we are.

- It's wrong.

- "Wrong"?

Yeah. It's wrong.

"It's"?

It's terribly wrong, and

I'm gonna explain why.

"Why"?

Trevor, let me speak.

- What...

- Let him speak.

Look, we didn't get into the candy

game to make money, did we?

We got into the candy

game to make candy

for kids of all ages to enjoy.

Because we're not

money people, people.

We're candy people.

We're candy people.

Used to be a time when

we all believed that.

Remember those days, Habermeyer?

Martinson?

Isn't there room in New York City

for two candy stores, Roland?

Don't be seduced by his word jazz.

Shut up, Trevor.

You may have a point, Joel.

Keep going.

If we lock the trunk and throw away

the key on Molly's little candy shop,

aren't we really locking the trunk

and throwing away the

key on ourselves?

Saving Molly's candy shop

isn't about saving the shop.

Saving that little candy shop

is about saving life on

Earth as we know it!

That's all I've got. I'm sorry

to have wasted your time.

He's right.

Well, well, well.

You just got yourself a big

promotion and a corner office.

What?

Oh, my God. I'm so shocked. I wasn't

expecting that to happen at all.

This is ridiculous. That

corner office was mine!

I'm sorry, Trevor. Didn't

you hear? You're fired!

And if your desk isn't

empty by tomorrow morning,

I am gonna have your

license revoked.

What license?

It's over, Trevor.

Now get out of here

before I change my mind!

No, I want you to change your

mind. Then I'll still have a job.

Go!

And one more thing.

John, come on in here!

John Dickricker?

That's right, Joel. This

is John Dickricker,

and the Dickricker

account is yours again.

Wow!

I'm overwhelmed.

- But I'm sorry, I can't accept your offer.

- What?

I'm tendering my

resignation, Roland.

That's right, everybody. I quit.

Effective immediately.

I'm gonna pursue my dream and open

my own coffee shop, "Cup of Joel".

You've probably all heard of "cup

of joe". This is a play on that.

- 'Cause of my name being Joel.

- Oh...

Yeah. So you get it. "Cup of Joel,"

"cup of joe," "Cup of Joel."

Oh, cute.

I'll help you, Joel. I quit, too.

It's okay. I've got it.

But thank you.

Oh...

All hail Joel!

Here's to you, Joel.

Where's Bob?

Oh, Bob's at that woman

Molly's wedding.

Oh... Oh, Joel, I'm so sorry.

I thought you knew.

She's getting married

in, like, 20 minutes.

I have to do something.

Uptown! And step on it!

I'm in a huge hurry!

I can't do it, man. I'm off duty.

Damn it, I'm screwed!

But in your case, brother,

I'll make an exception.

Jake.

Finally got that job, huh?

You're not the only one in this family

who's getting his sh*t together.

Now let's go get you that girl.

I'm terrified, Daddy. Am

I doing the right thing?

Oh, Honey, if Eggbert's

the one, you'll know.

Let's go, let's go!

We're almost there!

Oh, God, come on, come on!

You may be seated.

Hey, pretty lady.

Eggbert, do you notice

anything different about me?

Anything at all?

No. You look incredible.

Oh, I knew it.

Eggbert, I'm sorry.

You're a very nice man.

But I would rather be alone and

happy than with you and unhappy.

What are you saying?

It's not you. It's me.

I'm sorry, Eggbert. Thank

you for showing me

what a big mistake it would

be if I married you today.

Molly, where are you going?

Hey, Aunt Flo!

Molly, I love you!

She's not here, Joel!

What? Where is she?

Your guess is as good as mine.

She was here at the

altar, and then she left,

and we don't have any way

to know where she might be.

I think I know.

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