Thieves Like Us Page #5

- Now listen.

This is gonna be my 36th bank!

Let's go!

Good morning.

I'd like to cash this $20 bill.

Yes, sir. Right away.

Would you like it in ones or fives?

I'd like it in ones, fives and tens.

Boy, this is dumb.

What did you say?

I said this is dumb.

For Christ's sake, T-Dub.

Is she gonna play or not?

- God damn it, this is a stickup!

- That's right.

- Put your hands up!

- Hands up!

- Help!

- Put them up!

You back there, put your hands up!

Don't shoot. Don't shoot. I'm just a porter.

All right, porter, drop your broom.

Now keep your hands up!

Okay, come on.

Let's get around there. Let's go.

- All right, all right.

- Let's go.

Now just give me that money.

You, miss, come over here.

I wanna frisk you. Now get over here.

I wanna see

what kind of weapons you got in here.

- Teddy!

- Is that all of it?

- LULA:
Cut it out!

- You sure?

You're not lying to me? Okay.

Hey, porter. Come over here.

Teddy, cut that out!

All right. Now, come on, this is a real gun!

Now get over here.

- Well, don't point it at me, then!

- Okay, come on.

Miss, it's a real gun.

I don't wanna see no funny looks from you.

- Now, close your eyes.

- It's real money, Chicamaw.

This is a real gun, miss!

Don't point it at me, Teddy!

Damn it! Put your hands up!

Teddy, this is enough.

You got the money, T-Dub?

- T-DUB:
Yes, yes, I got it.

- All right, all right.

- I'm so tired of...

- God damn it, Lula!

You play the game and shut up!

All right, that's enough now.

Noel Joy, your dishes

are waiting for you in the kitchen.

Yes, ma'am.

Lula, take Bubba in there

and wash some of that

burned cork off his face.

Come on, Bubba. We'll use some cleansing

cream that'll clean out your pores.

MATTIE:
Now, come on.

Let's get this furniture put back.

LULA:
Come on now, come on.

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
Rudy Vallee

requests your attention

for the Royal Gelatin Hour.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

T- Dub, where the hell's

the rest of the whiskey?

Come on, Chicamaw, sleep a while.

It'll be good for you.

I ain't sleepy, Bowie. I'm drunk.

Yeah, I know. I know.

I'm real drunk,

and I'm doing the bank robbery again.

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING ON RADIO)

MAN ON RADIO:
Hi-ho, everybody...

Boy, am I drunk. I don't mind telling you.

You know, there's only three things

in the whole world

that I really love to do,

and that's love and drink

and rob banks.

(MAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

But seeing as how there ain't enough

women to go around here,

I'm drinking.

I'm doing the bank robbery again.

- Come on.

- Stop talking so loud.

- Come on.

- All right, old boy, all right.

My cuticles feel fine. Now, listen, Lula.

When Mattie goes to sleep tonight,

I want you to come

to my room, you understand?

What for?

Well, I'd like... I'd like you to...

I like girls to do things to me.

You know what I mean?

Well, I'm trying to give you a manicure.

- You'd like that if you just...

- Listen to me. No.

Listen to me.

I want you to rub me all over.

You know what I mean?

Bowie, I'll tell that old

battle-ax Mattie to

just leave here.

Come on, man. You gotta snap out of it.

(MAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

You're coming with me to Hermanville,

aren't you, pal?

I said we'll talk about it later.

Hermanville and Mexico.

Yeah.

Hey, you gotta come down

to Hermanville with me.

Don't you wanna do that?

See that little cousin of mine.

Maybe get yourself

some Keechie-Keechie-koo.

Keechie-Keechie-koo!

Keechie-Keechie-koo!

(MAN SINGING ON RADIO)

Oh, I'll bet that's how

that little chipper

wakes herself up in the morning.

Keechie-Keechie-koo.

(LAUGHING)

Man, you gotta be drunk

to be talking that way.

I gotta go get you a cold towel.

Bowie, don't leave me.

- Lula just vinegar-washed my hair, Bowie.

- Wonderful.

Hey, T-Grub!

I wasn't being mean to them children.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Why don't you tell

old battle-ax Mattie to rout out?

Maybe this'll sober him up some.

Yes!

Come on, Lula. We gonna be late.

Mattie, if you won't let me drive you,

at least let me pay for a taxicab.

Teddy, I been walking

to this railroad station

once a month for three years.

I don't see any reason to change it now.

Watch where you step.

Bubba!

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

Going down to the penitentiary

to see my Bud.

I hate to see that little girl go.

You'll see her again.

Bowie, if you and Chicamaw

go down to Hermanville,

I might get down to Biloxi to see if

I could get Lula to take a little trip

down to Charleston and New Orleans.

Yeah, Mattie can come back

and hold the house down.

I gave her $1,000

to buy a car and to run around on.

You know, Bowie, I've been thinking.

They'll never find

three together like us again.

No, sir.

Not in a setup like this.

Why, if we stay foxy,

in a couple of months

we'll have 50,000 apiece.

Yeah, then we can back off for keeps.

If we're gonna rob that bank in Yazoo,

I'm for doing it and getting it over with.

Gotta find me a doctor

who's a thief like us

who could saw off these fingerprints

and fix that foot.

Then I'd rear up in New Jersey

on that little farm at North Branch.

Just let the mistletoe hang off my coattail

for the rest of the world.

Yeah, I made my mistake

when I was a kid.

But kids don't see things.

I should've been

a doctor or a lawyer or run for office.

I should've robbed people with my brain

instead of a gun.

I don't suppose

I could've done anything but what I have.

Except maybe pitch ball.

What the hell time is it anyway?

BOWIE:
About noon.

I feel awful. What was I into last night?

Listen, Bowie and me

have been talking business.

You're gonna go to Hermanville.

What do you say

we let things rock for a month or so?

Yeah, we meet in Yazoo City.

About the 15th of next month, okay?

Suits me.

I'm in.

Okay. Yazoo City it is, then.

Boys, when I sack this one up,

it'll be my 37th.

Claiborne County, here we come.

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
And now, sports.

Seabiscuit has done it again,

won the $25,000

Butler Handicap at Empire City yesterday

by little more than a leg.

(STATIC BUZZING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
... every Wednesday

night by the makers of Palmolive,

the beauty soap made with olive oil.

(WOMAN SOBBING)

Tonight's a musical love story of a girl

whose beauty captured the heart...

Bowie!

Bowie, you all right?

Come on! Come on, wake up! You okay?

Can you hear me?

Say something, Bowie!

You okay? Now, leave that stuff there.

Come on. Here.

Help me get this door open.

- Where is that? Come on, help me!

- Can we help?

He's okay, mister.

You go help that lady there.

(CRYING)

Come on, woman, take your coat off.

My eyes! I can't see!

Please! Do something!

(WOMAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

MAN 1:
Somebody call the sheriff!

Call a doctor!

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

MAN 2:
What's wrong with her?

MAN 1:
See, her leg's broke.

WOMAN ON RADIO:
And my dear friends,

I'm sorry to have to

tell you that Charles...

What's your hurry, mister?

This boy's hurt real bad.

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