Think Like A Man Page #12

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And he's obsessed with number seven,

and they want to meet with you on Tuesday!

Congratulations!

Oh, my God. You did this for me?

No, you did it. You left it all on the track.

I love you, girl.

Without even meaning to,

Zeke done messed around

and uttered the three magic words

that finally opened the cookie jar.

But Zeke's victory was short-lived.

This cannot be good.

No, no, no.

Am I tripping, or was last night

the best night of my life?

You got the cookie.

The cookie? I'm the cookie monster.

You know what I got us? I got some latte...

Mya, I can explain that.

You lying-ass sack of sh*t!

I was just using this to defend myself.

Defending yourself against what?

Against your 90-Day Rule.

That was created for women to protect

themselves from sorry-asses like you.

So I'm the villain,

and you didn't even have the guts

to tell me that I was on a 90-day probation.

- I was gonna tell you.

- Were you gonna tell me?

Yes, I was gonna tell you.

But then, I thought I might amend it.

'Cause I thought

you might actually be the one.

So, was any of it real?

Any of it? The wining, the dining?

Calling me your girlfriend?

Or was that all just to get the cookie?

Wow.

You win, congratulations.

You got it, right? You won.

Mya, wait a minute. Mya, it was true.

Zeke, don't touch me!

God, you're so good.

You're so good.

Because even when I know that you're lying,

I still almost believe you.

In The Art of War, Sun Tzu wrote,

"All warfare is based on deception."

He left out, "Only dumbasses get caught."

Baby, your phone!

Meanwhile, Candace didn't even need

to find the book to get the message.

Michael Atwater's phone?

Tandace?

Loretta?

Listen, I'm calling to tell Michael

that I don't need him to take me to church.

Deacon Johnson

will be driving me to church.

Let me talk to him. Is he free?

He will be.

Here we go! Oh, slam dunk!

Michael.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

What?

You'll see.

Duke, get in the house.

Baby, did you see that boy's skills?

If I keep on...

What's wrong, baby? What's up?

Your work just called.

And I thought it might be an emergency,

so I picked up.

But it was just your mom.

Really? You know,

the T-Mobile Top Five be acting up...

Don't bullshit me, Michael.

Baby, listen, I know how that looks,

but trust me, this isn't...

Trust? I believed you.

I can't compete with your mother.

And I won't.

You don't have to...

Then why did you look me

in my face and lie?

You need to go.

Baby, listen I...

Get out of my face, Michael.

And Candace wasn't the only one

who was all business that day.

Hey, beautiful.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- I have a 2 o'clock, so...

- You look stunning.

Thank you.

So, you said you had some news?

Yeah. My investor friend

that I told you about?

Read your prospectus, loves it,

and wants you to give him a call.

You serious?

I told you it was brilliant.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Okay, we gotta go celebrate.

Let's go out tonight.

I'm not free tonight.

Okay, well,

what about tomorrow night, then?

Dominic, I'm gonna hit you with

the headline, okay?

I recently reconnected with

an ex-boyfriend of mine from college.

Anyway, he just got a divorce

and is moving back to LA and I...

You breaking up with me?

No! No, I'm not breaking up,

just taking a break.

- I need some space.

- Space.

- Yeah, because we were moving too fast...

- Yeah, you sound like a guy.

What did you say?

I said you sound like a guy.

Is that why you invited me to this place?

For a business lunch?

So you can have an out-time?

Dominic, look, I really like you.

Okay? I didn't want to string you along.

Let's just be friends.

Yeah, I don't really need

any more friends, Lauren.

You know, and I really don't need

your friends to let me down easy.

Okay, don't be stupid, Dominic.

That's business, not personal.

Do you even know the difference?

You know, Lauren, I...

I never even had a prospectus, you know?

I did it all to impress you.

You inspired me, you motivated me

to do something for myself for the first time.

And all this time, I thought

you were too good for me.

Kris? Picked up some pizza.

What I don't get is just like the book,

I was the guy with potential.

I told her the truth, I put myself out there,

and it still wasn't enough.

At least you didn't get caught in a flat-out lie.

Y'all should see how bad things are

with Candace right now.

Kristen wouldn't even look at me

when I showed up at Gina's.

She'll change her mind.

Nah. You did not see

the way she looked at me. Such...

- Hate?

- Hurt.

It's hate. Women will hate you fast.

Either way, fellas.

I think we brought this upon ourselves.

It was self-defense. They attacked first!

We had to strike back.

We were just protecting our

natural-born right to be men. Am I right?

- Right.

- Right.

Love us or leave us, right?

Right!

And they left us.

Right.

We're back.

Take all the time you need.

Thanks.

Zeke, check it out.

Your right. My left.

Not my type.

That's how we do it, Zeke.

I line them up, you mow them down.

Can I have my tab?

- You can only get it once a year.

- What kind of meat is in the McRib?

- Fellas.

- Let me guess,

school pictures?

You look like a substitute teacher.

I finally sent my rsum over to Neversoft.

I had my meeting today.

And they just called. I got the job.

- Is that right?

- Congratulations, man!

I'm a senior designer at Neversoft.

With full benefits.

Damn right, and the next step

is the expense card.

I gotta call Kris.

She not talking to you, huh?

- No.

- Well, you should call her anyway.

She's the reason it happened, right?

Yeah.

That's good advice, right there.

How's that project going along?

It's going great. In fact,

I'm gonna have to get out of here soon

and go get some work done.

You know what we should do?

We should celebrate, right?

- Nice. Yes.

- Newjob, first round's on Michael.

- Yes. I like that.

- No, no. I just had the last round...

This is nice, just the fellas.

Just like old times.

No, it's not like old times

because I don't have a curfew this time.

Speaking of curfew, I gotta go.

My night to cook.

Bennett, you sound like a b*tch.

We just got finished hearing good news,

we with the fellas, we drinking.

He running home all henpecked.

Come on, man!

I'm not cooking 'cause I have to,

I'm cooking 'cause I want to, that's my wife.

Come on, now, Bennett.

I'm not saying it like that,

I'm saying just, right now...

Don't be mad at me

'cause I got a wife at the house.

That means sometimes

I can't hang out all night with you guys,

I gotta go home early

then that's what I gotta do.

I'm just saying.

I got this round.

- I'm happy for you, congratulations.

- Thank you.

- I'll see you guys.

- Big B!

You're $20 short, Bennett.

Yeah, no, I used to cook for Gail

on Thursdays. That was my day.

I'm happy we're free. I really am.

I'm telling you right now,

we're better off without them.

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