Think Like A Man Page #2

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- Have a good evening.

- Thank you.

Got shot down.

Wait.

She calling him back

for another episode of crazy.

Here.

She probably shot him down. Twice.

Crazy, right? Man. Talking about Jesus

and she don't speak English and stuff, right?

Luck of mine.

She actually gave me her damn number.

The Dark Knight strikes again.

How great is Kristen, man?

Nice.

She's a phenomenal girl.

I just don't understand

why she's with this dude.

- Nobody does.

- How good is your credit?

It's up. Low 400s, 430?

Goddamn! A 430?

You can't even get a Discover Card!

Don't white people start off

with a 500 credit score?

Five-fifty, 475 if you're a mulatto.

Cedric!

Yes, Gail.

Gail, listen to what I'm trying to say!

Gail, I don't care!

I don't care what you take out the garage!

Gail, you can take the whole damn garage.

Let me tell you something. Here's what

I want, and this is what's... Hello?

Gail?

Y'all, I swear...

She didn't let me finish my sentence.

I don't like that.

Hey, Ced. When's the divorce gonna be final?

Goodness, if I had to guess,

I'd say like four weeks, 367 hours,

That's just a guess.

- Who's counting?

- But you know what we should do?

We should take Cedric out

for celebration game night.

I can't do Sunday. This Sunday,

dinner with my ma. Little casserole action...

That's every Sunday.

I can't do Sunday either.

Jonah's got a violin recital.

My God, dude,

your kid has way too many recitals.

Wait a minute, hold on, wait.

Your son play the violin?

And the cello.

- Yo, he's gay.

- Playing the violin doesn't make him gay.

- Yes, it does.

- Name me one gay violinist.

- Your son.

Listen to this. Cedric is about

to be released from the shackles of Gail-Hell.

Forever. And we're about to miss it

for what? Another Jonah recital.

- By the way, he sucks.

- Really?

I'd expect that from them, not you.

- What do you mean, "them"?

- Like what, like black people or what?

Absolutely.

I don't get mad

because he's bold enough to say it.

Seriously, you have ears. Kid's tone-deaf.

This is his big solo.

They're playing the Gap Band.

You know, Dropped a Bomb on Me,

and he's got the last... "Baby!"

Look, I got a great idea.

I'll have my mom cook for us.

She'll make some chocolate chip cookies,

a big casserole. We'll do it the right way.

Mike, I almost punched you

in your damn face just now, man.

And I was gonna add a head butt.

I'm not going over your mom house

to celebrate my damn divorce party!

- We gotta eat. We can start there...

- I don't wanna eat with your mom!

I ain't going over his mom house.

Look, she just got the new Tyler Perry,

For Colored Girls on Blu-ray.

We'll just have a nice little fellas night,

a chill-out night.

Let me tell you what happens,

Janet Jackson gets AIDS at the end

and some crazy guy throws his kids

out the window. You good?

- Can we party now? Let's do it!

- I hate you.

- All right, put 'em up!

- Yes, sir.

Fine, I'm in, man.

Life is great, fellas. May it never change.

None of us could have known that

the first bomb had been dropped.

The war had been declared.

And hard-worn secrets had now fallen

into the hands of the enemy.

We had been betrayed by one of our own.

A man.

I'm talking about a man with a penis.

Someone who should know better.

And because of those actions,

a blitz was now on its way,

that would affect my entire Band of Brothers.

We have another question in the audience,

Steve.

Steve, I keep hooking up with guys

who don't want a relationship.

Why don't you stop hooking up?

Did you hear that?

Listen, men respect women

who have standards. Just get some.

Exactly.

Steve, I'm a partner in my law firm,

I own my own home,

but I've been single for three years.

Why can't I seem to find a man to live up

to my standards?

Maybe you need to adjust them a little bit.

- Bullshit.

- Are you saying that we should settle?

Look, you make six figures. Does he have to?

Yes.

You own your own home. Does he have to?

Yes and yes.

We have another question here

in the audience.

Hi, Steve. I'm currently dating

and I just wanna know

when is the right time for me

to introduce my man to my kid?

I know that single women don't want to have

a parade of men coming through the house.

- Exactly!

- I get that.

- But if a guy is a serious contender...

- What up, Momma?

Excuse you?

- ...bring him in as soon as possible.

- Morning, Mom.

Because if you invest six months in a man

and then you introduce him to the kids

and he's not feeling the kids, or vice versa,

then guess what?

You just wasted six months.

That's true. Did that.

Alex?

Alex!

Wake up!

Look, babe, I got us two double-shot lattes.

- Thanks, baby.

- Here.

Figured we needed some caffeine

after last night.

It was amazing.

I'm gonna go and freshen up.

So, I'll be right back.

I'll be right here.

Don't move.

Don't worry, I won't.

So, babe, I was thinking maybe

we could go on our first real date.

- We could go see a movie?

- Yeah, babe.

We should do that. Things between us

are gonna start getting real serious, baby.

Okay, so I was thinking maybe we could

go see the new Tyler Perry movie.

You know, the one where the guy's,

like, mean to his girlfriend,

and a nice guy comes and rescues her

and at the end, they both find Jesus.

Alex? So, yes to the Tyler Perry movie?

Alex!

"Michelle"?

It's Mya, a**hole!

Mya.

Did this nigga take my coffee?

It was like some long-hidden truth

had finally been released

in hardcover and paperback.

For my book club.

- For me!

- For my mom!

For the first time in their lives,

women all over

stopped turning to other women

for relationship advice.

Really?

I got one too many.

Thank you.

Instead, they went straight to a man,

Steve Harvey.

He had made his name as a comedian,

but this sh*t here? This wasn't funny.

And because of this,

things would never be the same.

Excuse me?

Yeah, hi. Hey, did you by any chance

go to Fairfax High?

Yes.

I went there as well. Michael Hanover.

- Candace Hall.

- Yeah, I remember.

I had classes with your sister Lisa.

- Next in line.

- I'm sorry, I don't recognize you.

Well, yeah, I was, like, five feet tall,

I had the glasses and the buck teeth.

That look familiar, maybe down here?

Yeah, you do.

I don't know if that's a good thing

or a bad thing. You dissing me already?

Well, you've grown up. Quite nicely.

And you haven't changed a bit.

You look amazing.

Well, you need to put those

glasses back on, obviously.

No, actually, I'm nearsighted.

Besides, I mean, how could I forget

my teenage crush?

I used to look at you walk down the hallway

and just fall into your smile.

I'm rambling, I do that when I get nervous.

Next in line.

Well, it was nice meeting, I mean, seeing you.

It's nice finally being seen.

Next in line, please.

Candace?

Could we go grab a cup of coffee

or something?

We could maybe catch up

on old times we never had.

I can't, actually. I have to pick up my...

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