Think Like A Man Page #5

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- Oh, no, I know what it is.

It's the visual thing, right?

You saw me, you sexualized me,

you wanted to get into my pants?

Absolutely not.

Yeah, but then, what is it?

Because, you know, you don't know me.

I could be a psycho.

I could be a serial killer.

I could have 16 personalities.

- Let me get a Crown and Coke.

- Got you covered.

And 16 of whatever she's having?

My name is Zeke.

Mya.

Nice to meet you, Mya.

Day one, 89 more to go.

Order for table 16!

Dominic. Valet's slammed.

Go park some cars.

- Thank you.

- Thanks.

Hey, that's my car!

Who says you have to compromise?

Okay, where's the window?

Window. Window, window.

Not the final destination.

Door open.

Sh*t.

Hi.

If I didn't know any better,

I'd think you were following me.

No, just...

Just out for a drive, that's all.

Have a safe drive.

Well, wait.

You changed your mind?

You think I could take you

to dinner sometime?

How's tomorrow night?

Look, we love the fact that you're a strong,

confident woman with a fabulous job,

but we're men.

Our DNA is encoded to be the provider.

And if you don't ever let us feel like

we're in control and necessary,

we're just not about

to profess our love to you.

I mean, we'll just find us a woman

who actually makes us feel like a man.

Yeah, a ho.

We're kind of like dogs, see, you pet us,

we'll be loyal to you forever.

Yeah, dogs. There you go, Steve.

I don't need that book.

Oh, yes! Yeah!

Oh, honey.

Jennifer's coming over tonight to babysit.

You're going to bingo with Grandma?

- No, actually. I have a date.

- Really?

With a man or a woman?

A man!

Duke, why would you even ask me that?

Because I overheard Grandma say that

she was beginning to wonder.

You know I'm cool either way.

Yo, sorry I'm late.

- Yo, Bennett, get in the game, let's go.

- What's up, man?

I had the best night

of my entire life last night.

- Is that right?

- Unbelievable.

- Check ball.

- I thought you got fired last night.

That's all right.

I'll make twice as much catering.

- All right. Play ball.

- Hope she's worth it.

What you gonna do with that?

What you gonna do with that?

Count it!

Over the back!

See, I'm taking her to The Lounge.

Maurice hooked me up with a private room

and all I gotta pay for is wine and a fat tip.

Nice. So you gonna be escorting her

in that 2005 Honda Civic,

with the missing bumper

or that $155,000 car she think you drive?

I'm just gonna level with her, I guess.

And tell her what?

That you an unemployed prep cook?

Zeke, unemployed Culinary Institute

graduate. We talked about this.

- Yes, that's not my point.

- That's stupid.

That's dumb, Dom. You trying to get some,

you gonna have to lie.

Listen, one time I told Gail

I just won the lottery.

I need some gas money so I can

go redeem the ticket. She gave me $20.

Don't lie to her.

I don't want to lie to her.

Okay, hold up.

You don't have to lie. You omit.

Just, no, no, you omit.

You just tell her you're a high-end chef

that's in between gigs.

Your car's in the shop.

She think you drive an expensive car,

you're not driving it 'cause it's in the shop.

Matter of fact, my cousin, he got

a town car company. I'll get you a town car.

So all you gotta do is wine her, you dine her,

you tattoo your name in that ass,

then you tell her the truth.

Gail thought I was an account executive

and I met her in the mail room.

I had mail in my hand.

Yeah, but you became

an account exec right after that.

That had nothing to do with Gail.

- She set up your interview.

- No, she didn't. Thomas did.

Don't cut me off, Mike.

That's what Gail do, I don't like that.

- Why's he so sensitive?

- All right, Dom, either way,

once a woman's into you,

she'll put up with anything.

- Trust me.

- Only if you're putting it on her right.

All right. That's...

Come on, man.

- I'm gonna go clean the ball off.

- Bennett, just wipe it off.

No, I got some sanitizer in my bag.

Sorry, man. Wrong apartment.

That's my lucky chair.

What are you guys doing?

Baby! What do you think?

We spent the entire day at H.D. Buttercup

and we decided to go

- with modern with a mix of vintage.

- "We"?

Yeah. Gianni, our designer.

Old out, new in, beautiful, eh?

I think it doesn't even

look like our place, babe.

Exactly, it looks like grown-ups live here.

I love it.

Stop!

Put the chair down.

The lucky chair stays.

Compromise.

F***, what... You speak Italian now?

Oh, my God.

- That's your dress.

- Yeah?

Your ass looks great in that dress.

No, it's too sexy.

There's no such thing.

Sonia, I want him to last 90 days,

not 90 seconds.

I want to project "Keeper," not "Sports Fish."

Okay, what the hell is a sports fish?

See, this is why you need to read the book!

I don't want to read the book.

Steve says that a guy only fishes

for two reasons.

Number one, he fishes to eat.

That means he's looking for a keeper,

somebody to take home,

somebody to introduce to his mom,

somebody to build a life with.

Or two, he's looking for a sports fish.

That means he's looking for a trophy,

somebody to show off to his buddies,

put up on the wall as a prize.

But you gotta be careful with that one,

'cause he's gonna throw that one back.

Okay.

How do I look?

Like a keeper. With a great ass.

- Yeah?

- Yes!

Right. Now, the question is, is he?

Now I just need my hit list.

Now, what the hell is a hit list?

Will you get your wine off my hit list?

Girl, you're crazy.

This is where I wrote down my strategic

dos and don'ts for my date tonight.

Okay, you know you sound like

you're going to war, right?

Yes, girl, because love is a battlefield.

Oh, boy.

Steve says you have to set

the requirements very high

before you even get in the car,

'cause you don't want

to become Chirp-chirp Girl.

A what?

Chirp-chirp.

He just hits the locks and you hop in.

He don't even have to open the door.

I don't see nothing wrong

with being a Chirp-chirp Girl.

You look beautiful.

Thanks.

Amazing.

Sweet!

Where to?

Goddamn, look how small your skirt is.

Right. Unprofessional.

Sorry, sir, take it out of my tip.

It's open.

I don't go out on dates with guys

who don't open the door for me.

- Really?

- Really.

- Seriously?

- Yes.

Aw, man!

No, he didn't.

Got you!

Your chariot awaits.

Thank you.

Funny guy, huh?

I do okay.

Look, I think there's a few basic questions

that every woman should ask a man

to determine two things,

if this guy has a plan for you,

or if this guy is just gonna play with you.

My short-term goals?

What, you mean like tomorrow?

I need a bong hit.

To answer your question,

I guess my long-term goals

and short-term goals are the same thing.

How so?

Well, my entire life, it's always

been about hard work and improving myself

and I guess what I'm looking for now is,

you know, someone I can share it with.

- So...

- So, have you...

You go ahead, you go. You go.

What are your short-term goals?

You know what? I'd like to skip dinner

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