Think Like A Man Page #7

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Hey, that's in the Bible. Old Testament.

I just don't want a relationship based on lies.

That's called marriage.

Dom, you don't fool me.

I know what this is about. This is about sex.

You didn't do what you were

supposed to do in the bedroom.

That's why you walk through here

with your shoulders all slouched

and your self-esteem all low.

It's true. When you don't smash right,

the insecurities come out on you.

You know what he did? He gave it a LD.

Lazy Doodle. That's exactly what he did.

Right. You gotta put it down like

the right enforcement.

I can't do this no more. I'm done.

I'm done with this.

Like, dude, put a shirt on. It's us!

There's no one else here, just us!

So, you're telling me she's got a son?

Yeah! Duke. He's six years old.

An amazing kid, full of energy.

That's an awful lot of responsibility, baby.

Well, she's a really responsible woman, Ma.

I'm not talking about her,

I'm talking about you.

You really think you got what it takes

to date a single mother?

Well, I was raised by

a single mother, wasn't I?

Oh, but I'm one of a kind, baby.

Trust me, Ma. You are going to love her.

Thank God!

Somewhere familiar.

Some place that hasn't changed,

that still looks the same.

Yo, J, what's wrong with you?

My Fortress of Solitude has morphed

into a damn Bed, Bath and Beyond.

- What does that mean?

- I'm telling you, he talks in code.

Listen, Kristen, she redecorated.

Redecorated? Why didn't you say that?

No, no, no, she didn't redecorate.

She obliterated.

Every trace of my identity, gone!

My anime posters,

Battlestar Galactica shot glasses

that you used to like, it's all gone.

May I?

Wait a minute. She ain't even ask you?

She just threw your stuff out?

- That's some takeover sh*t right there.

- That's crazy.

I was starting to feel like someone else.

Someone warm and modern

with a smattering of vintage.

That's probably your lips tingling. It's a STD.

You just put your mouth on Zeke's drink.

- And she threw away my couch!

- Thank God!

Hail Kristen!

- That couch has a lot of memories, guys.

- Is that what that smell was?

Yeah, all of us got laid on that couch.

Twice.

- You've had that couch since college, right?

- Yes!

That's some white boy sh*t.

- No, that's some Jeremy sh*t.

- No, that's some white boy sh*t.

I graduated college, I got rid of my couch.

What college did you go to?

DeVry, Class of February. Valedictorian.

Whose side are you on?

Ain't no brother on the planet

gonna let no fine-ass sista

sit on no stinky-ass couch from college.

- Preach, boy!

- It don't matter what happen,

you go and you find a way to get

that furniture, figure how to pay for it later.

Yeah, don't do that, though.

That's called negro sh*t. Don't ever do that.

That is negro sh*t!

You guys do that a lot.

You pay for something you can't afford.

Ced, you couldn't even afford your wedding!

I'm making my payments.

Listen, Kristen is a great girl.

Don't mess up something good

over a damn couch, all right?

Something's up.

The game was on,

but not the one we were watching.

While we were sitting there on our asses

watching the game,

our team was getting destroyed.

The other team was drawing up plays,

planning their strategies,

and plotting their next moves.

Hey, you.

You still up?

I thought you were sleeping.

- I couldn't put this down.

- Yeah.

Jeremy didn't even know

he was under attack.

God, it was such a trip.

I ran into Sarah's little brother.

And he told me he got a job at Neversoft.

Cool.

Yeah.

Weren't you offered

an internship there once?

Yeah. Turned it down for a real job.

Right, yeah, that junior level one

that you're still in.

What?

My brothers didn't even know

they were at war.

They were lost in the honeymoon phase.

They were too busy enjoying the ride.

All right, who's hungry?

I'm hungry, but, babe, babe!

Damn! Look at that ass!

That's nice. She's hot.

Guys, come on, that's somebody's daughter.

Wait, that's the baby mama? That's Candace?

- That is Candace.

- I know the baby mama.

No, she's Lauren's best friend.

So, apparently they play basketball

three times a week at the Y,

and Dominic says that Michael

is the most successful guy he knows.

- Really?

- You scored!

I did well? You know what,

Michael said Dominic

is a really amazing chef.

I know, I know! I love food.

- Oh, no, b*tch.

- What?

We can double date.

- Oh, that's not good.

- That's not good at all.

- Let's go play basketball, guys.

- Yeah, let's do that.

Whatever you do, don't double date.

That's right. Damn, Ced.

Really?

I was in the middle of getting dressed.

J, you're losing the game for us!

- Me?

- Yo, you are killing us right now.

I'm setting screens,

you gotta be using the screens.

- You shot one for 27.

- The shot I made was a game changer, J.

That's it, I'm done. New teams next week.

I'm not being on his team anymore.

I'm not the one

that's not coming off the picks!

Excuse me, y'all done here?

We want to play some full court.

- Oh, yeah.

- Y'all take it.

No, no, no, we're not.

Got a lot more basketball

to play over here, fellas,

so looks like you picked

the wrong court to try and come and take.

We just ran three games!

- Yeah, Ced, we're good.

- No, we're not.

We are not good. Sorry.

Yo, so y'all stepping off or what?

Yeah, we were stepping. I was stepping on...

Stepping off? Who are you, Shaft?

How about you get some language

from this year?

So why don't you,

and the stronger version of Prince,

go back down to that side of the court

and do what y'all was doing?

'Cause if y'all want the court,

you'll play us for the court like real men.

So y'all want to play for it.

You heard what I said.

Am I stuttering, huh? Suckas.

- They're not gonna punk us. We men!

- Ced.

- People come in here, think they got us.

- You are not serious.

I am serious. It is what it is.

Oh, sh*t.

I thought it was just two of them.

I did not see the rest.

Turn around and say you're sorry.

- It's too late. We're in it.

- Apologize.

No, I'm not apologizing for sh*t.

Michael, this is when you be a man!

All right, guys. If a game is what you want,

a game is what you gonna get.

You wanna play?

Ced, let him go!

- Cedric!

- What are you doing?

- You okay?

- Get up, get up.

So embarrassing.

- I really tried to take it.

- It was obvious.

I really did.

I swear to God, I gave it everything I had.

I sprained my esophagus in the last game,

so I'm gonna sit this one out.

Your esophagus is in your throat.

- Shut up, Bennett.

- Zeke, we need six.

Zeke! Forget Zeke,

we'll just have to play with five.

Listen, we are men.

We tie our shoes up the same way they do.

Yeah, their shoes are bigger.

It don't matter. Be a man!

When I come out this, you better say

who you got and you better mean it.

Let's go. D up.

I got her. Let's go. Get yours. I got mine.

We welcome you all to

the JW Marriott Los Angeles.

But then, the bubble burst.

For Dominic, the tables turned

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