Think Like A Man Page #8

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on Tuesday afternoon.

...the best year in your company's history.

She is not just the youngest COO

you've ever had, but the very best.

Ladies and gentlemen, Lauren Harris.

Thank you.

Aw, sh*t.

- Mom? There you go.

- Hey!

Mom, I would like you to meet Candace.

Hi!

For Michael, the bomb dropped

on Wednesday.

I've heard so much about you.

Well, I've heard nothing about you!

We just talked about her last night at dinner.

What are you...

- Well, I don't remember.

- Mom, why are you...

I don't remember.

It's beautiful, your home.

Just gorgeous. It's great.

Oh, wow, look! Look at this,

I have this exact same frame for my son!

Oh, that's right, you're the one with the child.

Now let me ask you, sweetie,

what does your baby's daddy think

about you dating my Michael?

Or is he incarcerated?

You know, how you people run around,

I don't know.

Incarcerated? No, why would you...

Candace, would you like a tour of the house?

Yeah, why don't we give Tandace

a tour of the house?

Candace. It is Candace.

Tan... Tandace?

It's... Candace, with a...

I can tell she really likes you.

- Come on, let's take a tour.

- Now come on, let's take a look.

Just come on.

Doesn't it tell a story?

I've tried to capture all the special

moments with me and my baby boy.

I bet you don't remember when I got you

that bracelet, though.

Outside of Paris, this little shop

with the cute little jewelry...

Remember that look on your face

when you opened up that box?

Yeah, I know, I know.

I thought we were in Milan.

No, we'd come from that restaurant...

Oh, baby, you're in my room.

It's where all the magic happens, girl.

- Wow.

- What do you think?

It's like a time capsule.

Oh, I keep everything the same for him,

for when he sleeps over.

You sleep over?

Just on Sunday nights, baby. It's nothing.

And Sunday nights have always been

reserved for his mother.

And they always will be.

I make his favorite food,

and then we play rummy.

Mom is the best rummy player right here.

A chiky-chiky rummy-rummy

Come on.

I'm not gonna do it, not in front of Candace.

Well, let me get your laundry.

Laundry?

Let me help you with that, Mom.

I need some more socks, Mom.

They stink!

But you know, I don't mind the stinking.

I just gotta scrub them a little more.

Scrubba-dub-dub. Baby Michael in the tub!

Sh*t.

For Zeke, the cookie crumbled on Thursday.

So, the night is young.

What do you wanna do?

Well, it is our fifth date, right?

It is? I don't know, I lost count.

Did you really?

So, nightcap?

Okay.

Yeah.

So it's kind of small, but I really got it

for the French windows

and 'cause it's close to work.

So...

Stunning.

Yeah, maybe we should

get more comfortable.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna put on some music.

Or you know what? Better yet,

maybe you should go ahead and choose.

Cool.

That vinyl?

Yeah, I'm a bit of a purist.

- I'll be right back.

- Okay.

Don't leave. I mean...

Don't leave.

- I won't leave.

- Okay. All right.

Wow. You really are a purist.

How the hell did you get this on vinyl?

No.

So, how do you take your coffee?

See, Zeke found out the hard way

that sometimes, a nightcap means just that,

a nightcap.

Three shots of Jack.

You're so silly.

Yo!

Oh, Ced, what you run outta this time?

I ain't had no milk.

Hey, let me ask you a serious question.

You think I look like Idris Elba?

'Cause the stripper down at the new club

Sweaty Crack told me that last night,

but I had a lot of ones in my hand,

so I don't know if she was trying

to play me or not.

Don't even answer. Don't worry about it.

'Cause it made me feel good

when she said it.

All right, looks like somebody got invited in.

How'd it go?

We had coffee.

And?

- Mint Milano Cookies.

And?

And we talked and we talked

about our childhoods and art and music,

and Plato's Allegory of the Cave.

What is Plato's Allegory of the Cave?

It's actually very profound.

On par with Bishop Don Magic Juan book

of pimp knowledge and street wisdom,

which is a very good read.

Five dates and all I get is a cup of coffee.

What is wrong with her?

Ain't nothing wrong with her.

What's wrong with you?

Looks like the old Negro Gigolo

is losing his flow.

I'm in a relationship without sex,

when all I'm really trying

to get is sex without a relationship.

So, when you gonna see her again?

Saturday night, nigga. Mind your business.

Nice job.

Hey, Zeke, when you go upstairs,

you gonna look in the toilet,

it's gonna appear to be stopped up,

I don't know for sure.

I just didn't know where the plunger was,

so don't be caught off guard when you see it.

There's a lot.

- So we stayed up all night...

- Okay.

...and we talked about everything.

Did you keep the cookie in the cookie jar?

- But of course.

- Nice.

I'm not gonna lie, though,

and say that it was easy.

I don't know, when he kissed me,

it was like sex.

So, yeah, thank you

for your advice on the undies.

Which ones did you wear?

- The granny ones.

- The grandma drawers?

I told you the ugly panty trick would work.

- You wasn't trying to listen now.

And it worked.

Now that it's not just a theory,

do you really think you can last 90 days?

Monique!

It's Mya!

Call me!

It's Mya, a**hole!

Yeah. Yeah, I think

I can definitely do 74 more days.

Okay, Monique.

- I'm canceling the date.

- Why?

He's a part-time waiter.

May I remind you, Miss Thing,

that we were both waitresses

for two years at Olive Garden?

Candace, we were in college.

I'm talking about a grown-ass man,

who admitted that he was valet-parking

the Benz he chased me down in.

It's kind of romantic.

It's kind of pathetic.

I thought you didn't care about

how much he made.

I thought you believed in his dreams.

- But not his pipe dreams. Come on!

- Okay, fine.

Dump the first guy

who puts you before anything else

because he doesn't make six figures.

Please, he doesn't even make four.

And I can't invest

that kind of time in something

that I know won't yield tangible dividends.

Would you listen to yourself?

Dominic is a person, Lauren,

not a stock portfolio.

Like Steve Harvey says,

there's no such thing as the perfect man.

You have to compromise on something.

What do you have to lose?

My youth.

So, wait. She just canceled on you?

She was about to.

Then she got interrupted by her boss.

- It's messed up.

- You know what?

Who needs her whole fancy presentation

and her board of directors?

I make an honest living and I pay my taxes.

Most of the time.

Let me tell you something, Dom.

I agree with you.

I'm an American, too

and I agree with your plight, brother.

I second that.

Yeah, we got your back.

- What's good with you, Mike?

- What up?

So, how did it go between Candace

and your mom?

It was...

I'm slowing things down with Michael.

- Why?

- He already has a woman in his life.

Oh, that son of a b*tch. Who is it?

- His mama.

- What?

My mom thinks she's nice.

Yeah, right. No woman has ever been

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