Thirteen Page #5

- F*** you.

- Your mother's phone's disconnected.

- Mel, she's not my mom.

She's my cousin.

My mom was a crack whore.

Okay. Everybody

just take a deep breath.

Evie, honey, do you have a friend

that you could stay with for a few days?

I think this family

needs some alone time.

I'm the one that's here every day

trying to make the situation better.

Ask Mel.

Look, Mom, there's a huge swell.

I-I gotta get poundin'.

That's okay, baby. Just go.

- Phone!

- Wait, wait, wait.

- Hold on, hold on.

- Hello? Conrad.

Hey, Spidey!

Evie, honey, let's talk about you

for just a minute, okay?

- I need to make sure--

- Are you a board-licensed therapist?

Okay, you bring the stuff,

and I'll give you a surprise.

- She's done a lot of great things.

- She's a psychic.

Cynthia, do you remember when

you tried to bring back Grandma...

and Hampton ended up

humping your leg?

- Cynthia, I can handle this.

- You know, I should, um--

I should be getting back to work.

I could be selling houses.

10:
30 at Nona's.

Cynthia can handle it, Mom. Ooh!

Want me to model my new thong?

It's perfect for pooping on the go.

- What's that under your shirt?

- None of your business.

- What is that?

- Don't worry about it.

- Let me see that.

- No! What is it with you and poking me?

- I just want to see what you got there.

- Mom, stop!

What the hell is that?

- I'm talking to you.

- It's a belly button ring.

Speak up.

I can't hear you.

It's a belly button ring!

How else can I say it?

I don't speak no other languages!

Oh. And do you want

to know what that is?

That is a tongue ring.

- When did you do all this, baby?

- Oh, Mom!

Two thousand years ago! I'm a mummy!

I was born 2,000 years ago! Whoo!

Tracy, Tracy, Tracy.

I'm really starting to lose it.

Stop it, please.

No bra, no panties.

No bra, no panties.

- Stop it.

- No bra, no panties.

- You have to take her for a while.

- No, I can't.

- I need you to take her for a while.

- I can't.

I've been on the phone trying

to get out of this thing. I can't.

- I need you to take her for a while.

- Are you hearing me here?

I can't. I will talk to her.

It'll be just fine.

All right?

Where is she?

Is she in the back?

Hey. How are you doin'?

Listen, we, uh--

we gotta talk about something.

Um, I gotta tell you right up front

that I can't, uh, take you this weekend.

I knew that you

wouldn't take me.

Tracy, uh...

look, baby...

you-- you have got to

cut me some slack, okay?

I am trying to kick ass

at this new job.

I am trying to get you and your mom

more money. That's all I'm--

Let me, um, just shut this thing off.

Uh...

what's the problem?

What's going on?

Can I help? Tracy.

You gotta talk to me.

Dad, do you even remember

what the last thing we did together was?

Dad, just answer the f***ing thing!

Look, this could be an emergency.

Let me take this. Yeah?

No, I can't. I'm with--

I'm with a client right now.

Look, Chris, I will call you

from the airport, okay?

Fine.

Nice talking to you, Dad.

Baby, I'm not going

anywhere, okay?

You know, f*** this work sh*t, okay?

I'm calling him back right now and

telling him I'm not going to Houston.

Dad, just go, okay?

Really. You need this job.

Yeah, baby, I do need this job.

Nice car.

Yeah, it's just a silly business tool.

We're going surfing

in two weeks, right? San O's? Okay.

She needs help, Dad.

Okay. Okay.

What is the problem?

Can somebody please just tell me,

what is the problem?

In a nutshell.

Wha--

Mason, wait--

Hey.

Nice car.

- Good morning, Mom!

- Whoa, hey.

- Hi.

- Knocking's real good.

Uh, Mom, we have something

really important...

that we need to talk

to you about, okay?

Okay.

Um...

I think that I would

get along a lot better...

with everybody...

if Evie just lived with us.

Brooke will pay you to take me.

She won't be like

all the other freeloaders.

She was abused...

by her uncle when she was nine.

Mel.

He put things inside me...

and he pushed me into a fire.

Okay.

Mel, you could really help me

if I lived here.

You could maybe even save me.

Okay, I'll think about it.

You're so cool.

Bye, Mel.

Why did you put me on the spot

in front of that poor little girl?

I can't reject someone like that

to her face.

- I know, Mom.

- Come on, Tracy.

Good-bye.

I love you.

Bye.

Yea! I got an "A."

I got a "C-plus." Movin' up.

What'd you get?

Let's just say my mother isn't

gonna get a bumper sticker this year.

Ah, I want to bleed more!

Hit me!

Make an effort, b*tch!

Tracy?

Tracy?

- Food's ready, ladies.

- Just a minute!

Tracy.

Get up, okay?

You can't go out like this.

Oh, sh*t.

Here.

- Her uncle got seven years.

- I mean, look at you.

You're stretched to the limit.

Sh*t, you're stretched

beyond the limit.

Kayla and I are sleeping in a tent.

She's been abused by everyone

who's supposed to take care of her.

- I have to help her.

- No, Mom, come on. You don't know that.

I mean, Jesus.

How do we look, darling?

Guys, say hello to the butt.

- I wanna play! I wanna play!

- Okay.

- What happened to your lip?

- Nothing, Mom. I just bit it.

Is that my belt, Evie?

Yeah.

Mason, do you have any film?

- You want to take pictures of us?

- No, Evie, I don't.

Okay, kids.

This is the day. You guys did

a great job. These all look really--

What?

Oh, my God.

Wait.

Today is the due date?

You guys could have called to

remind me that today was the due date.

- We left you messages.

- Not to mention a note on your locker.

Oh, our phone's been disconnected

just because we've been having...

family problems.

My grandmother,

she passed away.

Go to the counselor, Tracy.

She'll talk to your mom.

Now.

Knock it off, you guys.

F***!

So, um...

you just wanna go to the boardwalk

and sell some sh*t?

I can't. Um, I'm late

for my biology actually...

and we're doing a play...

and... I'm a mermaid.

I can't even remember

how to spell "photographer."

Where are we going, Mel?

Brooke. Wow.

- I've been calling for two weeks.

- All right, sweetie.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

I just... didn't want you

to see me like this.

Mel, my ear--

What?

They cut off my ears.

Okay, girls. Please go out

to the car, okay? Please.

Please, go out to the car.

I had that little kind of

turkey neck thing, you know?

I mean, all of a sudden I had

a kid to support. I mean, f***.

- Y-You had plastic surgery?

- Mmm.

- Why? You were so pretty.

- Evie knows what I'm talking about.

You know that little kind of flap thing

that was in the pictures?

Oh, my ears hurt so bad.

Look.

- Is this, like, a standard procedure?

- Yeah, I guess.

I mean, you know, they had to

tuck the skin somewhere, I guess.

It's just...

I didn't realize they'd have to

do the whole, you know...

f***in' crop circle.

So everything's okay, then?

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

- It's okay.

- Excuse me.

Oh, God, I'm a mess.

Oh, dear.

- Can I get you a beer?

- No, that's okay. We're gonna split.

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