This Is 40
- This is awesome.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
This is crazy.
Oh, my God!
So incredible.
Do you want to know a secret?
I took a Viagra.
What?
This is awesome!
Why aren't I
using this every day?
What'd you do?
Wait. Stop, stop, stop.
Stop.
What?
What's the matter?
"What's the matter?"
You just took a Viagra
to have sex with me.
I thought it
would make it better.
It was better. It takes
some of the pressure off.
Because you can't get
hard without a Viagra?
Is it because you
don't think I'm sexy?
I thought you'd
think it was fun
for me to
super-size it for once.
That is the worst birthday present
you could ever give someone.
I was just trying to go
turbo for your birthday.
My hard-ons are still in analog.
This sh*t's digital.
I don't want a turbo penis.
I like your
medium-soft one.
Look, I can get it up.
Just not that far up.
Come on. You were liking it.
Forget it. Forget it.
Debbie, come on.
All right, you know what?
I'll be honest with you.
Lately, my penis hasn't been getting
as hard as it used to, all right?
And it's kind of
freaked me out.
I don't know whether or not it's because I'm
getting older or I'm losing testosterone.
No, it's what I told you. Your
artery to your heart is clogged
because you eat so much junk food,
and you have high cholesterol,
and that is directly
related to your penis vein.
My "penis vein"? Where'd
you get my penis vein?
There was a whole
Dr. Oz about it.
Cholesterol is not
clogging my penis vein.
Maybe I can't
get a hard-on fully
because, you know, I keep my
phone in my front pocket,
and it's radiating my balls. I'll give you that.
That makes sense.
Where'd you even get it from?
A very safe
and reputable farmacia.
Mexico? Mexico.
Look at this. You want
that to go to waste?
Looks like a plant
trying to reach the sun.
Okay, well...
I'll do it for 10 minutes,
but you have to figure out what
to do with the other four hours.
Stop it. Dad, stop.
I love you.
Time to get up.
Wake up.
I really need you to wake up.
Wake up. Come on.
Time to wake up.
Okay.
Whoo!
Ready!
Make a wish!
Hello, Sayid.
Can I watch Lost?
You can't handle Lost.
It's too violent,
and you won't understand.
If I don't understand it,
why can't I handle it?
Because you're eight.
I can handle it. I've seen a
shark eat a guy on Shark Week.
Shark Week is fake.
No, it's not.
All of it is reenactments.
I know, but they...
And that's scary. You shouldn't
They show the reenactments,
but they actually happened.
It's gonna give you nightmares.
I can handle a nightmare. You're
Hey.
Don't eat that cupcake.
What?
The one you just
put into the sink.
I saw you were hiding that.
This cupcake? You think I'm
going to eat this cupcake?
Yeah. I so don't want this cupcake.
Look.
I'm going to eat that cupcake?
Just put it in the trash.
What would you like to do?
Your choice.
Anything?
Yeah, anything.
Just hang out with you guys.
Don't you want to get a
massage, or do something fun?
Forty's huge.
I'm turning 38.
Okay, 38. We will move on.
Isn't it weird that our
birthday is the same week,
and then we're going to have a
party, and it's just for me?
No, I don't think
it's weird at all.
Because you're turning
Come on, do you really want
to be one of those ladies
who's just so
And they lie, and then they gotta
remember, and it gets all...
You don't get it. See, you
don't understand how it works.
I don't want to shop
at old ladies' stores.
I don't want to go to J. Jill and
Chico's, and Ann Taylor Loft.
I'm not ready yet.
I need two more years.
That is so insane,
it kind of makes sense.
What'd you get me
for my birthday?
Wait a minute,
I thought you said that
we shouldn't get each
other gifts this year.
What do you mean?
You're supposed to
get me a surprise gift.
This is a big birthday.
I'm turning 40.
Mom!
Mom, why can't I get
new clothes?
What the f***?
Nothing fits me!
God damn it!
I'm going to go work out,
I'll be back in about an hour.
Hey, did your father call
to wish you a happy birthday?
No, but that's no surprise.
Come on.
Coming.
You got to keep up with us, sweetheart.
Yeah, I'm in.
That's why your body
looks like your body
and her body
looks like her body.
Before, after.
Before, after.
You guys just go on without me.
I'm just gonna...
I think I gotta...
F***.
Thanks for letting
me join this team.
It's not really a team.
It's just a bunch of guys
that get together and ride.
- I know, I know.
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Hey! Bike lane, a**hole!
It's always the guy in
the f***ing Infiniti.
Good. See, you're getting
tight here. Yeah.
This, we need to work on.
Okay.
So, why on earth is Pete taking Viagra?
What's going on?
I don't know.
I think maybe he isn't attracted
to me anymore or something.
I don't know.
Well, that is ridiculous.
If you were my girlfriend,
I would not need a Viagra.
I would need
an anti-Viagra pill...
To try not to get a boner.
But everyone gives you a boner.
Don't sell yourself
short like that.
You give me a boner.
Barb doesn't give me a boner.
Maybe things are
just getting stale.
That's why if maybe I
work out really hard...
Maybe he'll be able
to get a boner again.
Why do you need
to have sex, Deb?
Sex is the number one thing
people fight about.
You stop having sex,
there will be no more fights.
I am living proof.
I have no sex,
and I am the happiest
I have ever been.
I knew it. I knew you
were not having sex.
I can see it on your face.
It's all...
Puckered and pained.
I'm enjoying our non-sex
period, that's all I'm saying.
Don't you miss it?
I wouldn't know, because I don't
have any feeling down there anymore.
I have nerve damage
from my C-section,
so everything's just kind of...
She's numb down there.
I could sit down
hard on a fire hydrant,
and I wouldn't even
know that I was sitting.
I could get stung by a hornet down
there, and I would not feel it.
You could put
anything in there,
and I would not know
what the object was.
I used to pee in a nice stream,
and now it just kind of goes
like a shower head.
That is the saddest
thing I've ever heard.
I think you need a family.
Don't you want a family?
No, I think
I want to Clooney it.
Clooney it?
Yup.
He doesn't seem happy.
Yeah, he is.
No, he's lonely.
No, he's not.
See, I think he has sad eyes.
to get the next lady.
Look, I can do it, too.
Watch.
I bet George Clooney
is really lonely.
Just him and his pig.
You'd f*** him.
I wouldn't.
So would you.
I would.
I wouldn't feel it,
but I would.
You'd f*** him with your numb vagina.
Yes, you would.
Ocean's Thirteen Inches, that's
what you'd find out.
Do you think?
I mean, that was idiotic, though.
You have to understand that.
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"This Is 40" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/this_is_40_21791>.
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