This Is England Page #3

- Try 'em on.

- Where's the "Doc Marten" sign?

These ones, cos they're special

and they're from London,

they don't have the Doc Marten sign

on these - they're too special for that.

- It says "Tompkins" in it.

- The ones from London say Tompkins.

Everywhere else say "Dr Martens".

- I love them.

- These ones are special.

- Do you sell a lot of them?

- Yeah. Go like hot cakes.

Do you want to try one on? Shall we?

I f***ing want them.

- If you swear... I'm sorry.

- It's all right.

- Shaun, don't swear.

- I want them ones.

- Listen, you can...

- I don't want them.

Chicken, don't upset your mum, eh?

Let's try 'em on.

GIRL:
Are you ready, Shaun?

- Yeah.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

- You don't seem very confident.

- Just do it.

Your mum's not gonna come round,

is she, and whack my door down?

No. Just fricking do it.

(Switches on razor)

- Right. Here we go.

- Get that mop off.

- It's coming.

- It's coming off.

(Shaun giggles)

- Oh, eh.

ALL:
Ooh!

WOOD Y:
Flippin' heck. Eh.

- You have a right pink head.

- We're getting going now.

- Stop fidgeting.

- You're doing a good job, mate.

Oh, mate, it looks better already, that.

- Don't it, Milk?

- Definitely. Definitely.

- You're looking good.

- Head down.

Oh, there's loads of it.

It's just never-ending.

WOOD Y:
Don't be rough with him, Lol.

He's only a baby.

- Put your head up.

- You just told me to put it down, Lol.

And what an hairline, girls, eh?

Don't forget that bit.

I can see it.

Honestly, mate, it's sterling.

Get it off.

Really smart, in't he? In't he smart, eh?

- He does look good.

- Mate, I'm well impressed.

There we go, mate. That's you done.

Look at that!

WOOD Y:
Brush him down. He looks like a Yeti!

- Oh, mate, so smart, that.

- That's good, that.

Honestly, mate, you look sterling.

- So, am I in the gang now?

- Well, not yet.

Get your shirt on.

Let's see your Ben Sherman.

I... I ain't got a Ben Sherman.

- You telling me you've not got a shirt?

- No.

You told me to get jeans and the boots.

Are you having a laugh?

You can't go out all nipply, can you?

You're gonna have to come back next week.

I'll see you, mate.

- Honestly, have I really gotta go?

- Yeah, really, really.

Go on. You're gonna have to get off.

Shut t'door behind you,

there's a good lad.

Oh, hang on, I forgot about summat.

I were f***ing lying!

Come here and give me a big hug.

Come here, fella.

I'm really proud of you, mate.

You look brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Get that body covered up

before t'girls go mad!

Ooh!

Amazing. Bang on.

Lol picked that for you.

- Look at that.

- It's a good fit, that. It's a good fit.

Let's have a look at you.

Ah, mate.

What a transformation!

He looks dead cute.

Pleased with it?

- Look at that.

- Ah, mate.

WOOD Y:
Bloody hell, here he is.

- Gadget!

LOL:
Look at this.

- What? Who are you?

Oh-ho-ho, Shaun!

Oh-ho-ho! Look at that. Come here.

That's it. Good lad, Gadge.

Well done, mate.

# TOOTS AND THE MAYTALS:

Louie Louie

# Louie, Louie

# Oh, my baby

# Louie, Louie

# Oh, my baby

# You know what I mean

# Louie, Louie

# We're gonna sail the sea

# No, no, no, no, no

# Now I'm finding a girl

# Louie, Louie

# Louie, Louie

# Hey, let me hear you now

# Louie, Louie

# Oh, baby

# I've got to go

# Oh, yeah

# Let me tell you again

# Louie, Louie

# Oh, baby

# Now, I'm finding a girl

# Louie, Louie

# Oh, she look so sweet

# No

# No, no, no, no, no

# Louie, Louie

# You can talk to me

# Hey, let me hear you now

# Louie, Louie

# Louie

# Tell me

# Tell me, baby

# Come on, now

# All right, now

# Oh, baby...

'Ey up, eh?

Home sweet home.

- It's all right round here, Shaun.

- It's a nice area, mate.

Cheers for today.

It's been the best day of my life.

ALL:
Aw.

Fella, man,

you are more than welcome.

And I mean that

from the bottom of my heart. Any time.

- Tell him.

- Definitely. Any time, mate.

- Come here, you.

GADGET:
Any time, day or night.

SHAUN:
Oh, oh!

WOOD Y:
Woo!

- Wa-hey!

- You've been practising!

Cheers for the haircut, Lol.

No worries. You make sure you come to

me when it needs redoing.

- Cheers for the shitty tea, Gadget.

- Get you!

Shaun?

Yeah?

Come here, please.

I just want to go straight to bed, Mum.

Come here, please.

You're two hours late.

- Please, Mum.

- Shaun, just come here!

Oh, my God.

Mum, please.

Please, Mum.

- Shaun, come on.

- Oh, man.

- Oh, Mum, please.

- I'm not messing around.

Now, in.

In you go, you.

- Eh, Shaun!

- Shaun, mate!

- Oh.

- Oh.

Who's Lol?

Me.

What have you done to his hair?

I... I did ask him, before I did it, if...

if you was all right with it.

Don't you think

you should have asked me?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Shaun, did I not ask you

if it was all right?

If he said, "Jump off a cliff",

would you do that?

No.

To be honest, you all look a bit... old

to be hanging around with him.

I'm only in the er... year bel...

above in school.

- Are you joking?

- No.

I've got problems.

(Sniggering)

Yeah, well, you will have problems

if you touch his hair again.

LOL:
I'm really sorry.

- Who's Woody?

Behave.

- I'm Woody. I'm sorry, love.

- No, it's fine.

It's erm...

I just wanted to thank you. He said he's

being bullied and you'd helped him out.

- You're welcome.

- Yeah, I really appreciate that.

And the clothes and stuff.

I think he likes 'em. I don't mind that, at all.

But the hair is not good.

I'm really sorry.

I am. I wouldn't have done it

if I knew you didn't like it.

Listen, I'm gonna leave him here with you.

I'm gonna trust you, Shaun.

All right? Give us a kiss.

- See you later. Nice to meet you.

WOOD Y:
What's your name, love?

- Cynthia.

- Nice to meet you, Cynthia.

Nice to meet you all.

- See you in a bit, Shaun.

- See you, love.

- See you, later.

- Bye, Mum.

You idiot!

You sh*t yourself.

What?

- You sh*t yourself. You did.

- I didn't sh*t myself.

(Thud of stereo)

Hey, here he is!

- Where have you been?

- I've been getting a drink.

- You've been gone an hour.

- Look how pissed he is. Babycham?

Have you had it through a straw?

Wakey-wakey!

Pissed as a fart. Look at him.

You fancy Smell, don't you?

- Ah!

- No.

Do you like Smell?

Listen, I think, Shaun...

I think you've got a great chance.

- Oh, aye, love.

- You ain't got nothing to lose.

- Go on.

- She can only say no, mate.

You wanna give it a crack?

This can be a beautiful thing.

- Oh, my God. F***in' hell.

- Boob height.

That might be the perfect height.

Would you...

like to take a turn up the garden with me?

- Oh, that's sweet.

(Pukey snorts)

You are, you're a little sweetheart.

LOL:
I told you. It's making me emotional.

SHAUN:
Ladies first.

GIRL:
Come on, then.

- Watch it.

- Ooh, sorry, mate.

- It's all right.

- Look at the sky.

- This is perfect, this is.

SHAUN:
Look at the moonlight. It's beautiful.

Like you.

That is so cute.

You're a real charmer, you are.

SHAUN:
Careful.

WOOD Y:
... it were just...

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