This Is England Page #4

(Knock at door)

- What the f***'s that?

- (Further knock)

That sounds like the coppers,

that does.

- Gary.

- (Thumping on door)

Gadget!

It's Gadget's mum and dad.

Get the f*** up, Gadge. Listen to me.

I want you to be sober. Yeah?

Sober.

- All nice, good, sober.

- (Doorbell)

- I am sober.

- Of course you are.

F***ing hide all the weed an' that, Milk.

(Thumping on door)

(Doorbell)

Hello?

- Aaargh!

- Get f***ing out!

Outside now!

If you want us to turn

the music down, we'll turn it down.

It's too f***ing late for that!

These three.

Now get f***ing up! Come on.

KES:
I'm coming, just...

- Not you. You.

Get outside!

LOL:
Woody!

- Now!

Come on!

- It's all right.

- Kes, get up.

Yaaah!

(Screaming and shouting)

WOOD Y:
Look at him! F***ing hell, Combo!

F***ing hell, look at you!

Look at the f***ing size of him.

Wow! F***ing look at you!

- Oh, f***ing hell!

- F***ing look at you, man!

- F***ing hell.

- I missed you, man.

F*** off, man. You f***ing gave me

a heart attack, you bastard.

Who the f***'s he?

- Banjo.

- Banjo.

Three and a half years

with this f***ing big bastard.

You lovely man.

Tell you what, there's f*** all

that this man hasn't seen.

WOOD Y:
Banjo, yeah?

Thanks for looking after him, mate.

- Look at the size of him, mate.

- Always ready to have a go.

Meggy! How are you, lad?

- How are you, mate?

- I'm all right.

Milk, f***ing hell.

You sh*t me up there for a minute.

Listen to me now. This dude, here,

he spent three years in the pen for me,

he never said nothing.

If it weren't for him,

I wouldn't be with you guys now.

So, the utmost respect and I mean it.

I mean it.

Look at this, eh?

Look at you. F***ing hell!

You've blossomed, haven't you, love?

- How are you doing?

- Not too bad. How are you?

All right. Easy, easy.

That's my other half, that.

- It's my other half, like.

- Nice one, mate.

I'm happy for yous.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

You look a bit nervous.

I'm not gonna do anything

you don't want me to.

Have you ever done this before?

Done it once.

In Germany.

In Germany?

Why did you go to Germany?

I was...

in Ger... Germany with my dad.

What did you do in Germany

with this girl?

Just kissed her.

Did you? Was she pretty?

Prettier than me?

- No way.

- Really?

Well, that's really cute of you.

Do you want a kiss?

We'll leave it today.

You might look about four,

but you kiss like a forty-year-old.

You're dead sensitive.

Are you all right?

Are you sure?

Do you want me to kiss you again?

Do you wanna suck my tits?

- Tell 'em a story.

- All right, if yous are making me.

All right, it took a little bit of time.

- But we did end up running things.

- We certainly did.

I mean, it's just...

I mean, for three weeks, right,

this f***ing wog...

Right? Proper horrible.

Sorry, mate, sorry.

Didn't mean nothing by it.

You know, just slip of the tongue, like.

Sorry. This, you know, this brown gentleman...

...who... he was a bully,

he was a horrible bully.

No matter what colour he was,

he was a bully.

- And I hate bullies. Don't I, Wood?

- Yeah.

I can't stand them, man.

I can't stand 'em.

But for three weeks, right,

this fella was robbing my pudding.

What kind of pudding was it?

Doesn't matter what pudding it was.

The pudding's not the point.

The point is,

he was taking my pudding off me.

And I just thought,

"Nah, I'm not having it. I don't care.

You're not getting my pudding,

that's it."

So, I grabbed it and I've gone,

"No, mate, no, you're not having it."

He was like...

(Mimics his accent): "White boy...

Give me your pud-pud."

Proper! Do you know what I mean?

And I've just thought, "No, man."

- (Laughter)

COMBO:
Nah, he did, right.

ALL:
Eh!

WOOD Y:
Look at t'moosh on him.

- Smell his finger.

And who's been bloody smooching?

Come here, Shaun! Come on, man.

I've got someone I want you to meet.

Come and stand here.

Now, listen to me.

This is a very special friend of mine.

Combo, Shaun.

Newest recruit.

Shaun. Combo.

What are you doing?

Just want to shake your hand.

Did you?

Are you a proper little skinhead,

then, yeah?

Yeah.

You look like a little Action Man.

Like a little Barbie doll.

You're dressed up an' all that. Look.

What?

I'm only messing with you, you little f***er.

I'm only messing with you.

GADGET:
He's all right.

- You're all right.

Nice one, lad.

Sit down, anyway, I'm telling a story.

Sit next to Milky.

Anyway, where was I?

What... Where was I?

You were on about that er...

"brown gentleman"

stealing your "pud-pud".

That's right, yeah. Yeah.

So, I've said, "No, you're not having it."

This one day, right,

I've been grafting all morning,

just shovelling sh*t, constantly,

all morning, non-stop.

Weren't I? And I'm f***ing starving.

# Gentle piano

You know, like that proper hunger.

And I'm thinking, "Right, just eat my pudding,

just go and eat my pudding."

I've just finished

the last f***ing mouthful and then,

this big, black, sweaty hand

has just gone wallop, right in my pudding.

Do you know what I mean?

Proper big cigar fingers,

all over my f***ing crumble and custard...

I just thought,

"No, I'm not having it, I don't care.

You're not getting my pudding, that's it."

I just took his hand out and just looked

him right in the face and I've gone...

(Piano music drowns speech)

(Mouths):
Woody.

So, last night was good fun, weren't it?

- Don't start.

- I'm just saying, a really good night.

I know what sort of a bloody night it was.

It were awkward.

It was er... a little on the tense side.

I know, mate, I'm sorry.

I knew he'd do it. I knew he'd have to

throw his bloody weight around.

Has to be number one.

He were like that before he went in.

Nowt's frigging changed, at all.

Hang on. Wait.

He hardly did anything wrong, anyway.

- I thought he was all right.

- I've got an idea.

How about you climb out of his arse

for five minutes, Puke, eh?

Trust you to f***ing jump on his dick.

I'm not. I'm just saying,

he was just telling a story.

You asked for a story, he told it you.

I'll tell you a story

if you don't shut your mouth.

All right, boys?

- You all right, Combo?

- All right, Gadge.

- Puke.

- All right, mate.

WOOD Y:
'Ey up. What's up?

- Can I just have a little word with you?

- I've got a brew coming.

- Only be two minutes. Come 'ed.

- Bastard.

Woody, don't be long cos I wanna get off.

- All right, love.

- Be two minutes, Lol.

All right, lad?

I said, "All right?"

What was that for? That hurt!

- Woody, hurry up.

- I will, love, yeah.

Milky, I'd watch it.

I think summat's gonna kick off.

MILKY:
Don't worry. I'm more than ready.

You're making a big deal

out of nothing, anyway.

- He's all right.

- He's not.

Kel!

MILKY:
Kelly, you don't even know him.

(Sighs)

- What's up?

PUKEY:
You all right, Woods?

All right, lad.

- Go on, then. What's happened?

- We've to...

We've to bob round tomorrow morning.

I tell you, I shouldn't be here, you know.

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