This Is Spinal Tap Page #5

- Oh, yes.

But there's some sort of communication

that's just blocked or something.

- It's pretty.

- Yeah, I like it.

Been foolin' about with it

for a few months now.

Very delicate.

It's a bit of a departure from

the kind of thing you normally play.

Yeah, well, it's part of a trilogy, really.

A musical trilogy that I'm doing

in D... minor, which I always find

is really the saddest of all keys, really.

I don't know why but it makes people

weep instantly if you play it.

- It's a horn part.

- It's very pretty.

You know, just simple lines, intertwining.

Very much like...

I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach.

And it's sort of in between those,

like a Mach piece.

What do you call this?

This piece is called Lick My Love Pump.

Do you have any metal objects

in your pockets?

- Yeah.

- Put them in the bucket.

Coins... keys...

Tuning fork.

Musician.

I have to stay in tune, you know?

Oh. OK.

- Could you take this jacket off, please?

- Oh, it's the zipper. Sets off the machine.

Let's go, hurry up!

Step over here, please.

Raise your arms.

Departure at gate 12 has been

delayed for approximately 20 minutes.

- Do you have artificial plates or limbs?

- Not really, no.

Would you, um...

I don't need a woman

I won't take me no wife

I got the rock'n'roll and that'll be my life

No page in history, baby,

that I don't need

I just wanna make some eardrums bleed

- Heavy

- Heavy

- Duty

- Duty

Heavy duty rock'n'roll

- Heavy

- Heavy

- Duty

- Duty

Brings out the duty in my soul

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS

Hi. Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.

How are you?

- How you doing? You are... Derek.

- Derek.

Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.

I'm your promo man here in Chicago.

I love you guys.

And, of course, Nigel.

I love you. Nigel Tufnel.

I love your stuff. I go back with you guys.

Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.

- And who are you, darlin'?

- This is my special new friend, Cindy.

- Hello, Cindy.

- And this is Belinda.

Hello, Belinda.

Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.

And I... Oh, what's going on here? Hi!

Hi, guys. Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.

Nice to see you. And where is David?

David, hi! Artie Fufkin.

How are you? Nice to see you.

- We've got something happening...

- It's the food! It's the food!

Oh! Thank God! Civilisation!

Where do I put this?

What are you doin' to me here? I thought

we had a relationship. What happened?

Business is terrible. What can I tell you?

A record store with a promotion

and nobody shows up?

This isn't a personal thing.

Forget personal thing.

We had a relationship.

What about our relationship?

I feel like a schlub.

I don't know what's happening.

It's me, that's what is happening. It's me.

I did it. It's my fault.

We were told massive radio support.

We did! We did massive.

We saturated. We over-saturated.

It's me. I did it. I f***ed up.

I f***ed up the timing, that's all.

I got no timing. I got no timing.

- You know what I want you to do?

- What?

Do me a favour. Just kick my ass, OK?

Kick this ass.

Kick my ass. Enjoy. Come on!

I'm not asking, I'm telling with this.

Kick my ass.

XANADU STAR THEATER

Cleveland, Ohio

We've kept 'em waitin' long enough.

Let's do it.

Come on, Mick!

- Let's go, Mr Shrimpton!

- Rock'n'roll!

Rock'n'roll!

Let's have some rock'n'roll!

Rock'n'roll! Let's go, then.

- It's gonna be a hot one.

- It's gonna be great.

- Not an exit.

- We don't want an exit.

- No, that's true.

- This way.

Yeah, this way. Let's go.

Um...

- Wait. This looks familiar, though.

- Listen!

Sh*t!

Let's not lose it, let's not lose it.

Where the f*** is lan?

He should be here.

Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap!

We've gotta get to it some way.

We've been onstage, right?

We're in the group.

We're in the group that's playin' tonight.

You go straight through this door here,

down the hall, turn right,

and then there's a little jog,

about 30 feet. Jog to the left.

- We don't have time for that.

- Go straight ahead,

turn right at the next two corners.

On the first door is a sign:

"authorised personnel only".

- Open that door. That's the stage.

- You think so?

You're authorised.

You're musicians, aren't ya?

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Rock'n'roll!

Rock'n'roll!

Let's get it! Let's get it!

- This way?

- No, this way.

Straight through. Rock'n'roll!

Hello, Cleveland! Hello, Cleveland!

- F***!

- You must've made a wrong turn.

- We gotta go another way.

- Other way, other way. Other way!

I hate to keep harping on, but the notion

of a black album has cursed us.

We're getting substantial reports

of airplay. Don't worry about that.

But... it might have been better if the, uh...

album had been mixed right.

Well, no use crying over that,

but of course that's true.

Well, it was mixed all wrong, wasn't it?

It was mixed wrong? Were you there?

- But she's heard the record.

- So your judgment is it was mixed wrong.

- You couldn't hear the lyrics.

- You don't agree?

- No, I do not agree.

- Well, I think maybe...

- It's interesting she's bringing it up.

- She'd like to hear the vocals.

It's like me saying you're using

the wrong conditioner for your hair.

It looks sort of frizzy.

- You don't do 'eavy metal in Dubly.

- In what? In what?

- In Dubly. You can't...

- She means Dolby, all right?

You know what she means.

You shan't recover from this one.

Can I have the floor for just one moment?

I've got something I'd like to show you.

Jeanine's been working

on these very hard.

- These are a new direction...

- A new presentation.

The stage look of the band,

based on the signs of the zodiac.

We need a new presentation.

This is a look for Viv. He's a Libra.

There's the sort of Yin/Yang sort of look.

This is Nigel. He's Capricorn.

- Sort of a goat look.

- With a beard.

- Is this a joke?

- This...

- Excuse me. Is this a joke?

- Just bear with us for one moment.

This... I love this.

I wish I were Cancer.

- That's attractive.

- This is your crab face.

Give it a chance.

- And this is...

- David, wait, please. Wait a minute.

Have you any idea what it will cost

to dress up the band as animals?

- Oh, it don't cost nothin'.

- They're not animals...

It's a way to fight the drabs.

We've got the drabs.

That's true. I think mine would look better

in Dubly. If it was done in Dubly...

Shut up!

- If you're not open-minded enough...

- David...

There are solutions to our problems.

- I think we know what they are.

- I've yet to hear them.

We can take a rational approach.

We can say...

- May I make a suggestion?

- Oh, let's hear your suggestion.

Stonehenge. Stonehenge.

Best production value we've ever had.

But we haven't got the equipment.

We haven't got Stonehenge.

Please, please. Just a moment.

- Musically, we all know it.

- It's not a bad idea.

No problems musically.

We go right onstage and it's quite simple.

lan can take care of this.

But we don't have

that piece of scenery any more.

I know! So we build a new one.

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