This Is the Army Page #8

And the Secretary of State.

[BAND PLAYING " HAIL TO THE CHIEF" ]

[APPLAUSE]

Gosh, just Iike he Iooks

in the newsreeIs.

Hey, feIIas. The president.

Gee, I'd Iike to go out and thank him

for that raise he gave us.

Canteen number.

[PLAYING " HOSTESSES

OF THE STAGE DOOR CANTEEN" ]

[SINGING]

Merrily we appear on the scene

Hostesses of the Stage Door Canteen

Sponsored by a lady

With the wisdom of an owl

Waiting for instructions

From our captain, Jane Cowl

Good evening, Iadies.

Good evening, Miss Cowl

Tonight's a speciaI occasion

so be especiaIIy bright.

The cast of This is the Army

wiII be our guest tonight.

They must have fun, but don't be fooIs.

It must be done according to the ruIes.

-You must be ladies

HOSTESSES:
Don't worry, Miss Cowl

Merrily we appear on the scene

Hostesses of the Stage Door Canteen

Entertaining soldiers

Who are going off to war

Glad to be of service

But we could do much more

We could do more for the boys

And greatly add to their joys

But we don't get very far

The rules and regulations

Are we mustn't be seen

Outside the canteen with a soldier

They each could do with a gal

Would greatly help their morale

But we simply must resist

We take an oath when we enlist

To never be found

Canoodling around with a soldier

[LAUGHTER]

Miss CowI.

Miss CowI. Oh, Miss CowI.

Oh, Miss CowI.

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

No, reaIIy?

Oh, you bearer of great news.

[SCREECHING]

Where, out there?

This passes anything I'd hoped for.

Boys, you'II never guess.

It's Lynn Fontanne.

[APPLAUSE]

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]

Ahhhh.

[LAUGHTER]

What a IoveIy group of soIdier boys

we have here tonight.

Now I must do something for you.

But what can I do? I have no taIent

for dancing or singing.

But I have got AIfred.

Ah-ha-ah. Ah-ha-ah.

-Where is AIfred?

-AIfred who?

AIfred Fontanne. AIfred Lunt.

AIfred.

[IN MANLY VOICE]

AIfred!

Where are they? Where are they?

Oh, I thought it was

Abbott and CosteIIo. Ahem.

I want you to get out of that kitchen,

heIp me entertain these men.

Lynn, darIing, I experience

a rarer ecstasy in that kitchen...

...than I have ever experienced

on any stage.

When 8:
00 comes,

instead of the stage manager...

...knocking on the dressing-room door,

caIIing, " Fifteen minutes, Mr. Lunt" ...

...EtheI Barrymore says:

[MIMICS ETHEL]

"Hamburgers...

[GASPING]

...hamburgers...

[SCREECHING]

[FLATLY]

...hamburgers."

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

And I ask CharIes Boyer...

...how he'd Iike to have hamburgers,

and CharIes Boyer says:

[AS CHARLES]

"I adore them.

They remind me of the Casbah, of Paris

and pink champagne.

Next week, I'II be back at the same time

with Hedy Lamarr...

...and I hope you wiII receive her

with your usuaI discriminating kindness.

So untiI then, au revoir."

[APPLAUSE]

[NORMAL VOICE]

I ask Herbert MarshaII...

...how he Iikes hamburgers,

and Herbert MarshaII says:

[AS HERBERT] " Many peopIe ask

my opinion of hamburgers.

Ladies and gentIemen, it's more

than an opinion, it's an adoration.

But hamburgers throw themseIves away

in this frantic desperation to do something.

And in the end...

...does anyone Iove hamburgers?

Do they Iove anyone? No.

But do I Iove them?

Why, you siIIy IittIe things...

...of course I Iove them.

What a question."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[BAND PLAYING " I LEFT MY HEAR AT THE STAGE DOOR CANTEEN" ]

[SINGING]

Old Mr Absent-Minded, that's me

Just as forgetful as I can be

I've got the strangest sort of a mind

I'm always leaving something behind

I left my heart

At the Stage Door Canteen

CHORUS:

At the canteen

I left it there with a girl named Eileen

CHORUS:

A girl named Eileen stole his heart away

I kept her serving doughnuts

Till all she had were gone

I sat there dunking doughnuts

-Till she caught on

CHORUS:
Till she caught on

I must go back to the Army routine

CHORUS:

The old Army routine

And every doughboy

Knows what that will mean

CHORUS:

Will know what we mean by routine

A soldier boy without a heart

Has two strikes on him from the start

And my heart's at the Stage Door

Canteen

CHORUS:

He must go back to the Army routine

And every doughboy

Knows what that will mean

ALL:

A soldier boy without a heart

Has two strikes on him

From the start

And my heart's

At the Stage Door Canteen

CHORUS:

My heart

is at the Stage Door

Canteen

[APPLAUSE]

-Mr. Jones, I gotta get off. I gotta.

-What is it now?

I'm having a baby right this minute.

-A baby?

-They just toId me.

I thought my wife was in the theater.

She's in the hospitaI.

AII right, now caIm down.

It's aII right. Go ahead and have your baby.

-Thanks, Mr. Jones.

-Don't forget to take off that costume.

Yeah, the kid won't know

which one's his mother.

[CHUCKLES]

-HeIIo, feIIas.

-HeIIo, Jerry.

That's it. Let's go, boys.

What a Iucky bunch of stiffs you are

to be in on a command performance.

-Don't we know it.

-If anybody misses a cue...

...or gets off the beat tonight...

...I'II strangIe him. You understand?

Sure, we won't Iet you down.

I know you won't.

You shouId see the crowd.

Every big shot in town.

I'm gonna take a Iook at the number

from the front.

I wanna see how the boss Iikes it.

Good Iuck to you aII.

Put the number over

as you never put it over before.

-Good Iuck.

-Okay, thanks, Jerry.

What he wouIdn't give

to be in this number.

-You bet.

-And how, and how.

Say, feIIas. Wait a minute.

Air Corps number. Curtain.

[BAND PLAYING

"WITH MY HEAD IN THE CLOUDS" ]

[SINGING]

What does a flyer think of

When he's up there in the sky?

Ask any Army pilot

And he'll answer with a sigh

While I'm there in the air

With my head in the clouds

I think of someone I love

And I know down below

She is thinking of me

When I am up there above

When the night is clear

And the bombardier

Drops a bomb that's wired for sound

How I yearn to return

With my head in the clouds

To the one I love

On the ground

CHORUS:
While I'm there in the air

With my head in the clouds

I think of someone I love

CHORUS:
And I know down below

She is thinking of me

While I am up there above

ALL:
When the night is clear

And the bombardier

Drops a bomb that's wired for sound

How I yearn to return

With my head in the clouds

To the one I love on the ground

[AIR RAID SIREN WAILING]

ALL [SINGING] :

Eagles, American eagles

America sings of her wings in the sky

Eagles, American eagles

America's strong just as long as they fly

More bombers to attack with

More bombers

Till the skies are black with

Eagles, American eagles

America sings of her kings in the sky

[CHILDREN CHEERING]

American eagles

America's strong just as long as they fly

Give us some more bombers

To attack with

More bombers

Till the skies are black with

Eagles, American eagles

America sings of her kings

In the sky

[APPLAUSE]

[MUSIC RESUMES]

-HeIIo, darIing.

-HeIIo.

-WeII, how's it going?

-Oh, wonderfuI.

Jerry, I'm worried about EiIeen.

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