This Is Where I Leave You Page #5

Come here, Grandpa.

- Used to be a lot easier.

- Heh.

No, thank you. You're done too.

- It's gonna be Penny Moore. It's fantastic.

- What are you talking about?

The person that you sleep with

before you get back together with Quinn.

Is that what you've got figured out?

I'm not sleeping with Penny.

I mean, it's kind of poetic, actually, if you

think about how crazy she was about you.

She was a kid. It was a long time ago.

Penny was in love with you.

But you were in love with Annie.

Until you met Quinn.

Then you married Quinn, and she left you.

And Annie married Paul.

And that is the glory of love.

We want the ones we can't have,

and we crap all over the ones that we can.

Rinse and repeat.

- Well, you loved Horry.

- And he loved me.

So, of course, life had to take

a steaming dump all over that one.

And what makes you think that I'm

gonna get back together with Quinn?

Divorce is complicated.

Starting over is complicated.

And you don't do complicated, Judd.

You never have.

Bullshit. What are you talking about?

You have had your whole life mapped out

since you were 12 years old.

With your pretty wife

and your perfect apartment.

That's just who you are, you know?

No muss, no fuss.

And so you're gonna sleep with Penny

so you can forgive Quinn...

...and then you'll get back on the road more

traveled and pretend you never got off.

Glad you got it all thought out.

It's what I do.

No, no, come on. Seriously?

Hello?

Hey. Sorry, I was blow-drying my hair.

I think I blew a fuse.

No, it's not your fault.

My dad insisted on doing his own wiring.

He actually would have preferred to have been

electrocuted than pay a licensed professional.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

- Are you okay? Ha-ha-ha.

- Not that one.

How about this one?

Ah, yes.

- All right. Got it in two.

- Runs in the family.

Back to your day.

Nicely done.

So crazy we're all back

in this house again, huh?

- Wow.

- What do you got there?

Oh, this is, um, my...

- Something you wanna tell me?

- Yes, I'm a drug addict. Ha, ha.

Poor Annie. That's for the babies?

It's my fertility medicine. So that's fun.

- Sorry you're going through that.

- Oh, it's awesome.

- Mm-hm.

- So not tense in any way for a marriage.

- Mm. Good luck.

- Yeah. Here's hoping.

Boom, boom, boom.

I cracked them up.

- Come on.

- Don't give me this sh*t.

You were sitting there flirting with

her in front of me, in front of your family.

It's two friends having a conversation.

So that's your correct answer?

Well, apparently

I'm an irredeemable a**hole.

Phillip, please tell me and my deaf children,

how did you manage to seduce your therapist?

- Why are you doing this, Phillip?

- Doing what, Mommy?

- Dating your mother.

- F*** off, Wendy.

- Rude.

- Sorry.

- Well, I think Tracy is lovely.

- Thank you.

She's closer to my age than yours.

I'm not as young as you like to think,

and neither are you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

There is no version of this scenario

that doesn't end badly.

- Kind of like this conversation?

- Which ends right now.

- Right behind you.

- You cannot leave this house.

We're sitting Shiva.

Mom, you're sitting in the same spot

we put our Christmas tree.

Oh, it's a fast car.

- I know what you're thinking.

- That we're gonna die?

That I'm a screw-up and that Tracy's rich

and that's why I'm with her.

Sh*t. Phillip.

Why are you with her?

You know, because I love her.

A better class of woman

is helping me grow a little.

You're using her for her class?

I'm not using her

any more than she's using me.

But isn't that what love is? Two people

who fulfill needs within each other?

Slow down. Please. Phillip. Come on, man.

Hey. Hey. Slow down. Way too fast.

This is not a toy.

- You wanna drive?

- Yeah, I wanna drive.

Pull over. Brake.

That's sensible. Thank you.

- F***ing bullshit.

- See you in an hour.

Hey, hey, hey!

- Phillip!

- Tell Penny I said hi!

I told you

That we could fly

'Cause we alt have wings

But some of us don't know why

I was standing

Hey.

Grab some skates from the rental shack.

No, no, I wasn't planning on skating today.

I wasn't planning on doing that routine

in front of you...

...so I guess the day has other plans

for both of us.

- Don't throw that.

- Go with it.

I'm just gonna wa...

Well, I can't reach that. I'll watch.

Come on.

All right.

All right. Stay in the car, Phillip.

Stay in the car.

Wow.

Nice.

- Little mood lighting, huh?

- What are you waiting for?

- You can skate, can't you?

- Of course I can skate. Yeah.

- Oh, no, no. Oh.

- Aah!

Oh, that hurts.

- Are you okay?

- Oh. I forgot how much fun this is.

- Oh.

- Oh, God. Oh, dear.

- Welcome.

- Ha, ha.

You really are a mess, aren't you?

- Yeah, I am.

- Ha-ha-ha.

You're not catching me at my best.

Do you miss him?

Do I miss my dad?

- Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah, I miss my dad.

And he did happen to die at a time

when life is kind of messy.

I mean, I don't know if I would've

talked to him about any of it...

...but there's something nice about knowing

that he was out there, you know?

Yeah.

Ah.

Have you ever been up to Maine, Penny?

Ha, ha. What?

Heh. Sorry, just go with it.

You ever been up there?

Um...

- I've been to Cape Cod. Does that count?

- It does, yeah.

For as long as I can remember,

every time I drive on the interstate...

...I would always think:

If I just keep heading north,

I can get to Maine, right?

Honestly, it doesn't need to be Maine

specifically...

...I suppose, but just

any place new, right?

And I never have.

I've never taken any chances.

I've spent my entire

life playing it safe...

...just to avoid being exactly

where I am right now.

Well, you know where you are right now?

Right now you're in a cool rink

on a hot day...

...listening to a Cyndi Lauper classic...

...under some disco lights.

Cut yourself some slack, Judd.

Anything can happen.

Anything happens all the time.

Time after time

Time after time

Time after time

Time after time

Sorry I'm late.

You're a dick.

Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

Your shirt's on inside out.

That, I did not know.

Hi.

I'm so sorry to show up unannounced like

this, but I've been trying to call.

- I wish you would've told me.

- What do you want?

Smells like dead fish in here.

Don't worry about that.

You're gonna be leaving soon.

Please, Judd. Do you think it was easy

for me to come here? I need to talk to you.

What do you possibly have to say here?

Are you and Wade getting married?

Is that it?

Are you sick or something?

I'm something, all right.

You can't possibly know that it's mine.

It's yours. Trust me.

Well, strangely, trust is not the first

impulse I have when it comes to you.

So it turned out Wade is sterile.

I thought you might like that.

- Sterile.

- Mm-hm.

Hmm.

Couldn't have been too happy about this.

- It was a blow, but he's being supportive.

- What a guy.

Judd.

We were never the same

after we lost our baby.

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