This Is Where I Leave You Page #4

- It's your wife. Aren't you gonna take it?

- I'll call her back.

Why don't you tell another story

about your cycle?

- That was a real crowd pleaser.

- Ha, ha!

No, Wendy's gone already. It's your turn.

Give us a good story about you and Dad.

Oh. That's what we're doing, huh?

I'm blanking.

Maybe come back to me.

What, you can't think of a single memory

of your father?

- Not right now. Go ahead.

- No, I already went. Mine was amazing.

I don't know what's going on with you,

but I do know this:

If you don't take the time to properly mourn

your father here, you're gonna regret it.

And Shiva time.

- Did you like the book?

- Yeah.

Okay. To you?

That'd be perfect.

Crazy, right?

- I'm so sorry for your loss.

- Thank you.

- Hi, Wendy.

- Hi.

- Have some coffee.

- No, thank you. I don't want any.

- You want this coffee.

- It's not even coffee.

- What is that?

- It's Dad's schnapps. I raided the bar.

No, thank you. Get it out of my face.

Are you drunk?

- Don't judge me.

- I'm not judging you.

It's great. You don't really drink

that much, right? Good for you.

- Oh, my God, will you just take the call?

- No. Just butt out. Please?

This is crazy enough

without you keeping your divorce a secret.

- Be quiet, please. Mother's right next to me.

- I am being quiet. That's the funny thing.

- You just got louder. Mother's next to me.

- If you can't tell your family, then who?

- I would rather tell anyone else, actually.

- That is rude.

- Why don't you go upstairs and take a nap?

- I can't do this anymore.

Because this is already a new record

for me keeping my mouth shut.

Hey, drunk girl,

why don't you shut your face?

It is growing inside me like this fat

hairy tumor. I need to let it out.

- Seriously, put that down.

- You're stressed out and grieving.

- You're walking around like a ticking bomb.

- Make the words stop coming out of your mouth.

People ask me, "What's going on with Judd?" I

have to be like, "I don't know." But I do know.

- I can't believe how much I hate you right now.

- Listen, I love you.

- You tell them, or I will tell them.

- Get your hand off me, please.

I will pinch you. I'll punch you.

Judd, where is

that beautiful wife of yours?

She's gone. Quinn is gone. It's over.

It's a little bit complicated.

Or maybe it's not.

She's been sleeping with my boss.

I walked in on them having sex in my bed.

So I guess it's not that complicated.

It's simple.

I'm divorcing her whore ass.

How are you doing, Mrs. Applebaum?

- Happy?

- Yep.

Thank you.

You stop it. Stop it.

Ha, ha. Oh, my God.

You're like a magician.

You okay, there?

Yeah. I realize what

this must look like to you all.

I mean, this was supposed to be a fling,

you know?

Younger guy, get in, get out, move on.

- Appropriate men are so boring, you know?

- I do know.

And disappointing.

And Phillip was alive and in the moment...

...and it wasn't supposed to turn

into anything.

- I mean, really, look at him. He's a moron.

- Yeah.

Of course, I'm the moron

who fell in love with him, $0...

Don't worry about Chelsea.

Phillip's skanky ex-girlfriends

are a dime a dozen.

Do they all have to look

like Victoria's Secret models?

- She's not that hot.

- Oh, come on. I would do her.

Yeah. I wouldn't say that

in front of my brother.

There you are. Hey. Want some help?

So sorry about Quinn.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry I didn't

tell you any sooner. I just...

It's been a very long time

since we told each other things.

I think we're both out of practice.

I guess so.

I got this. I'll do the rest.

You go to bed.

- I love you, son.

- I love you.

Hello?

We're in Paul's car.

Come on, we 're making a run for it.

Jesus.

Boy, this place has not

changed at all, huh?

Why mess with perfection?

- Hi.

- Hey. Ha, ha.

They let you out, huh?

- Oh, little bit more of a

jailbreak, actually. - I bet.

I'd invite you to come join us, but I think that

that would probably be a huge mistake, so...

- Oh. Well, now I have to come.

- You don't. Really.

Penny. I'm warning you. Okay.

Guys, you remember Penny.

Hey, you guys, I just wanted to say

I was so sorry to hear about Mort.

Penny Moore? Wow.

- You don't still live here.

- I do.

- You do?

- Sometimes you're worse than Mom.

- That was uncalled for.

- You should listen to yourself.

You should look at yourself.

How about that?

Can I get beers for everybody?

Who wants a beer?

- Way ahead of you.

- Did you do this?

- I just wanted a beer, Phillip.

- They were all out.

This is great. All of us together. I don't

know why we don't do this more often.

We don't like each other very much.

I never got a chance to go out drinking

with my brothers. And my sister.

By the time I could drink,

you guys were all gone.

- This is a big moment for me.

To my family. - Cheers.

- And to Dad.

- To Dad.

- To Dad.

- To Dad.

- Just have half of that.

- Yeah. Judd, take care of Judd.

That's awful.

- So this thing with Quinn...'?

- Well, we're not gonna discuss that.

- Can we?

- No. We can't.

- We discussed it with the whole neighborhood.

- We did. Thanks to you. Appreciate it.

- The whole neighborhood?

- The whole neighborhood knows.

It was ugly.

Whatever you're imagining, multiply it.

- Come on, you needed to let it out.

- You needed to let it out.

- I did need to let it out.

- We don't have to talk about it anymore.

I can't understand why

she was f***ing Wade Beaufart.

- Me neither.

- Walk me through that.

- No, we're at Walker's.

- Please, anything else you wanna discuss...

...I'm happy to.

We just got here like ten minutes ago.

Look, you need to calm down.

Calm down. Calm down.

I'm coming home. I'm coming home.

- I have to go have sex.

- Oh.

- In some cultures, people actually enjoy sex.

- Well, not when it's on a schedule.

Come on, Annie's hot.

Not as hot as when she dated Judd, but...

- Why don't you shut the f*** up?

- Here we go.

- We're not doing this again.

- "Again"?

Judd dated her six months.

I've been married to her six years.

At what point are you gonna stop

being an a**hole about it?

I don't know. Maybe at the point

when it stops bugging the sh*t out of you.

It was actually more like nine months.

- Jesus, Judd.

- You never forget your first.

I've had about enough

of you today, Phillip.

That's fair.

- Okay.

- Penny.

Go take care of business.

- You guys are idiots. Seriously. Off-the-charts.

- What did I do?

- Bye, Penny.

- Bye.

- Aw.

- We'll take a cab. Or walk.

Seven days, huh?

- I don't know how we're gonna make it.

- Ha, ha.

I don't know. You have each other

no matter what, and I think that's great.

I'm an only child, $0...

- That sounds so good.

- Ha, ha.

Does that not sound good?

Yeah.

- Oh. Hello.

- Oh, God.

I should've known

you were gonna be out here.

Come out here. I figured something out.

- You're gonna like it. It's about you.

- I'd better like it.

I should just come out here

and push you off the roof.

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