This Is Where I Leave You Page #3

Which is not a solution,

but there you have it.

- Anyway, what's it been? Seven, 8, 9 years?

- Something like that.

Horry said you came alone.

What happened to Quinn?

- You didn't split up, did you?

- Mm-mm.

- Sorry. I don't know why I say these things.

- Just a freak accident on an elliptical.

Goddamn antidepressants I'm on.

You know?

- They just obliterate whatever filter I have.

- Mm-hm.

It's very embarrassing.

- She left me.

- I knew it! I f***ing knew it!

- I knew that. I'm sorry, but...

- Aah!

She slept with my boss, so...

- Well, that'll do it.

- Yes, it did.

- Done.

- Right.

Gosh. And now your father.

I'm sorry, Judd.

You're having a profoundly shitty year.

I've had better. Yeah, it's not...

Anyway, so you live here still?

My mom got very sick, so I came back to

spend time with her and see that through.

And then, I don't know,

I just became the girl that never left.

It's understandable. It's a pretty place.

Are you still skating?

Yeah, I'm still skating. I'm running the skating

school over at Spencer's now, which is great.

- It's perfect. I get to skate every day.

- Good for you.

The owner gives me run of the place,

which is awesome...

...in exchange for some

small sexual favors.

Hmm. Nice of him. And you.

Great arrangement.

- You used to laugh at my jokes.

- No, I didn't.

- Yes, you did.

- I did. You used to be funnier.

Well, I'm not a fan of small talk,

so I'm gonna give you a hug.

- Mm. Heh.

- Mm.

Yeah, what a surprise.

Thanks, Horry. I'll pick them up tomorrow.

I'll be outside when you're done.

- Horry, you scared the crap out of me.

- I have that effect on people.

- My mother send you to get me?

- Yes, but I was already headed out.

- Come on. Get in the car.

- Sh*t. I need to get my own place.

- Heh. Why don't you?

- Oh, brain injury.

- There are things I can't do.

- Like what?

Like remember what the

hell it is I can't do.

- I can get my own car door, though.

Thanks. - Heh.

Sorry.

So Penny, huh'?

Yeah, I never figured she'd still be here.

Why? Because she doesn't

have a brain injury?

No. No. Horry, sorry.

I didn't mean it like that. It's just...

- Just...

- I'm just f***ing with you. Heh, heh.

A**hole.

It's hard to see people from your past...

...when your present is so

cataclysmically screwed up, you know?

Welcome to my world.

Whoops! We've come apart there, Mom.

Can you please close that robe? Cover it.

They're just breasts, Judd.

Same ones you suckled at.

No, Mother. Those are not the same breasts

you nursed us with. Those are different.

You got bionic breasts now.

Your father didn't see it that way.

He liked to put his penis...

Jesus Christ, Mother.

- Thank you.

- I love you, Judd.

- But?

- What do you mean, "but"?

There's always a "but"

when you say "I love you."

I was just gonna say, I don't know

how you all got so repressed.

Hmm. Go figure. Mm. Whew.

- Mom, I got it. I got the rest.

- You sure?

- I appreciate the help.

- Okay.

- I'm upstairs if you need me.

- Okay.

Hopefully you'll be looking

for another sash for that robe, huh?

You gotta double-sash robe, Mom.

You don't know what you're talking about.

- He left it to all of us.

- We are not having this conversation.

- Paul, I think this is a

wonderful idea. - This is bullshit.

Dad always wanted

his sons to work together.

- It's like Dad's legacy to us.

- You don't know what you're talking about.

What do you mean?

I'm part of this family.

- Would you listen?

- No, you listen.

Dad always intended

for the store to go to me.

That's why he left half of it to me

and the other half to the three of you.

Now, after we settle the will, I'll buy out

your shares at a fair valuation.

I don't wanna sell you my share.

I wanna run the store with you.

How exactly do you think

you can add to the business?

I can help you grow it.

New locations and expanded lines. What?

- The only thing you've ever grown is weed.

- And he was very good at it.

- Mommy, come on!

- I'm just saying, he's very entrepreneurial.

Listen, Paul, you don't believe in me.

I get that.

I never believed in myself either, really.

But I've changed. And you're the

brains of the outfit. I know that.

But what about marketing and advertising?

What about networking? I'm the people person.

That's who I am. And you are not one.

You're a nice guy, but let's face it:

You're a little scary.

As a matter of fact,

you're scaring me right now.

Your face is red.

Are you breathing? Is he breathing?

Judd! Get in here and back me up!

Yup. Paul, I do think we

should talk about it.

- Thank you.

- Mind your business.

It is his business.

You said he owns a sixth of it.

A third,

because I'm gifting my share to Judd.

- You're welcome.

- Mm. Thank you.

So together, Judd and I own half

the business. That's awesome.

This is my livelihood!

You can't just make this decision.

- Let's talk about this, please.

- We just did. You guys don't have a clue.

He's not coming to work for me.

Well, see, we'd be partners, actually,

after I buy Judd's shares.

- Little brother, you can't even buy a suit.

- People can change, Paul.

Okay. I get it.

- How rich are you exactly, Tracy?

- This has nothing to do with me.

We all know the store is yours.

No one's disputing that.

You little whore.

- Whoa.

- What the f*** did you just call her?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- No, no. Not her. You.

- Ah.

- You're a whore.

- Why don't you come here and say that?

- Here I come.

No, no. Not in the house.

Okay, this was great.

You've given each other a lot to absorb.

Let's agree to put a pin in it, shall we?

And then you can assimilate

the new information.

Maybe reconsider your positions.

Okay? Great.

- Makes sense.

- Great work, guys.

Argh! You motherf***er.

- Come here.

- Get off.

- Not in the house.

- Come on, guys.

- Are you all right?

- Ugh.

Whew.

- Good morning.

- Oh, my God.

What?

- What was that moment?

- Could I talk about it?

About your brother?

So I'm 11 years old,

and Mom's out somewhere...

...and Dad was upstairs, like,

fixing the rain gutters on the roof.

And I am downstairs, babysitting Phillip,

the eternal baby...

...like always...

...when I suddenly realize that I have

gotten my period for the first time.

Anyway, 11, right?

So I run outside and call up to Dad...

...but he's, like, using a power tool

or something and can't hear me.

I grab a baseball off the lawn

and toss it up at him.

I mean, I just meant to get his attention.

But somehow,

it hits him square in the back of the head.

- He falls off the roof.

- Oh, I remember that.

- Ha-ha-ha.

- Okay. So we all get in the back seat.

Dad drives to the hospital with a

broken arm and a gash on his forehead.

And the nurse looks at him and she's like,

"What in the world happened to you?"

And Dad just says,

"My daughter got her period."

That is so fantastic, Wendy.

- That's so much like your dad.

- Oh, let me say hi.

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