Three to Tango Page #7

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I can handle this.

I mean, it's just a bunch of people, right?

-Giving you an award.

-How could that be bad?

Exactly.

Plus, once this is done,

we can start on the project.

You know, you're right. You're right.

And I have to say...

...I'm proud of you, the way

that you've evolved this mature attitude--

Well, thank you, thank you...

...because...

...you know, I figure if I can't have Amy...

...then it won't be so bad.

I can pretend to be gay for a while.

You like being gay, right?

It works well for me.

It won't be bad.

I can always sneak off to straight bars...

...have anonymous sex

with straight women.

That's why giving this speech is fine.

It's more than fine.

It is very fine.

Oscar, about Amy....

You know there are other fish

in the sea, right?

Well, you know, I used to think that.

But what if you find ''the'' fish?

You're right. Plenty of fish.

You're probably right.

Yes, I'm right.

-I think I'm right.

-I think so.

It's a pleasure to introduce

our Gay Professional of the Year....

Well, I gotta go.

Kick some ass, you hear me?

Say it with me. Kick some ass!

-Okay. Kick some ass.

-Kick some ass.

Thank you.

Thank you for inviting me

here this evening.

These last few weeks

have been very exciting.

Peter and I had the opportunity

to work on a project...

...that has become a dream come true.

This award is an honor...

...an honor which I accept with....

You know, awards are a funny thing.

I won an award once.

I was in summer camp. I was seven.

It was a bumper-pool tournament...

...and I won.

But it was kind of an empty victory

because I cheated.

When nobody was looking,

I just shoved all the balls into the pockets.

And the funny thing is,

I felt guilty about that my whole life.

I guess what I'm trying to say

is that a lot of you...

...know what it's like to be in the closet.

So you know what it's like

to have a secret.

Constantly worried about slipping up...

...hiding your feelings from the people

that are supposed to...

...mean the most to you.

And what I admire about all the people

here tonight...

...is that you're not afraid

to be honest about who you are.

You're strong enough to stand up...

...for the dignity

of telling the people you love...

...how you feel.

Now, I....

I know a little bit about this...

...because for the last three weeks...

...I've had a secret.

And it's time for me

to come out of the closet.

I'm not gay.

Amy, I love you.

I haven't been honest with you.

But I love you.

I've never felt that way about anyone.

And I know...

...that by telling you this...

...I might have lost any chance

I ever had to be with you.

But I believe you deserve...

...that everybody here deserves...

...that kind of honesty.

-Thank you.

-Don't worry.

I'm very proud of you...

...you big drama queen.

Go get her.

Oscar, get your ass back here!

A melee ensued today...

...at the Gay and Lesbian Association's

awards ceremony...

...as the Gay Man of the Year

declared his love for a woman.

Get back.

I think Oscar and Amy need to talk.

Don't you?

Onlookers were amazed...

...as the Gay Man of the Year,

Oscar Novak, leapt from the stage...

...and pursued the woman into the lobby...

...where crowds were awaiting

her response.

Can we please just talk about this?

And it wasn't pretty.

You promised you'd never lie to me.

We had a deal.

Get out of my way, you big freak.

Don't make me make you my prison-b*tch.

The incident reached a fever pitch...

Great punch. Let's go.

...as Charles Newman, the renowned

international businessman...

...incurred the wrath

of the same unidentified woman.

Before police could arrive on the scene...

...the enraged, yet fashionably

attired young woman escaped.

How about that?

Gay Man of the Year: Not gay.

Are you okay?

You're fired. You will never work for me,

nor for anyone I know.

Which is everyone.

I don't care.

And you know why?

Because I don't like you.

Found him and housebroke him.

Excuse me.

That was a brave thing your partner did.

Yes. I have to say,

I'm very proud of the little guy.

I don't believe we've officially met.

I'm Kevin Cartwright.

Yes, I know. I've heard all about you.

Really? Like what?

Nothing specific really.

Well, it's all true.

-Would you like to get a drink?

-I'd love to.

Don't do it.

Yes, but I...

...deserve to die.

Not yet.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd find you here.

Really?

-Oh, my God, I'm so--

-Just shut up.

-I want to get a few things straight.

-Me too. I just--

I'm gonna be quiet now.

So...

...you lied to protect your job.

You violated my trust and friendship.

You tricked me into telling you things

I never would have told you.

Are you proud of yourself?

-Go ahead.

-No.

Was it really worth it?

I have one thing left to say to you.

I get the left side of the bed.

Well, you know...

...we'll have to see about that.

Let's get out of here.

Yeah, I'd like that.

So I take it

you have kissed a woman before.

Not the right one.

Overall, an evening of shock

and amazement for everyone...

...as the Gay Man of the Year announced...

... ''I'm not gay. ''

Won't it be awkward working with Oscar

after that fiasco?

Actually, I went with the other firm.

You're depriving them of a job...

...just because he's in love

with your mistress?

Oh, you're hurt.

I realize this girl was special.

Olivia, I don't know

what you're talking about.

I simply went with the other firm.

Oscar and Peter did a better job.

They will build the cultural center.

Enough!

The decision's been made.

Now...

...why don't you go put on

those red bikini briefs that I gave you?

I love the way your butt looks in them.

I really don't want to.

What happens when I'm unhappy?

What happens?

Fine.

But not the red ones.

They bind.

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