Three to Tango Page #6

---

...that I have a finely toned,

picture-perfect, award-winning ass!

There's more to me than that.

That's right. You're not a piece of meat.

Whatever happened to subtlety?

Whatever happened

to getting to know somebody first?

If all men were gay, it'd be perfect.

I love you so much.

You've changed my whole life.

I want to make you happy.

That's all that matters.

I've got something to tell you too.

I'm going to get married.

There's this thing I've noticed.

In the movies, when a guy asks a girl out,

she says, ''I'd like that.''

I've never heard anyone say that

in real life, ever.

Know what the most spoken line

in movies is?

''Let's get out of here.''

That makes sense.

It works for a lot of situations.

''They're shooting at us.

Let's get out of here.''

''Aliens have landed. Let's get out of here.''

''I wanna make love to you.

Let's get out of here.''

Those are all good, especially that last one.

What was that?

I was yawning.

You're tired. I'm gonna let you sleep.

No, stay here.

You sure?

Just till the end of the movie.

Will you marry me?

Will you?

Do you think we'd be happy?

No, but what does it matter?

I have beautifully located season tickets...

...and I'd love you to be my guest.

Very, very exciting.

-Great party.

-Thanks.

Very excited to see your model.

Very excited.

Well, we just hope that you like it.

There really are some

very nice-looking women here tonight.

What's your type?

Type of what?

It's funny. When I met you guys,

I thought you were supergay...

...and Oscar was straight.

I was supergay?

-He cleared it up for me.

-He did?

He told me that you're not,

but he is, 100 percent.

That Oskie!

That article in the paper must make it hard

for you to meet girls.

I do okay.

Thanks, Mom. And thank you for coming.

Dad, the bar's right over there.

I'm sorry.

-I am so excited for you.

-Thanks, thanks.

I'm sorry I stole the blankets last night.

You stole the blankets,

you hogged the couch. It wasn't pretty.

You got the left side.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Decker

and Strauss model is open for viewing.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Steinberg

and Novak model is open for viewing.

It's so beautiful.

Okay, guys...

...that's enough.

Sorry to interrupt.

We're with the National Association

of Gay and Lesbian Professionals.

We have selected you

as Chicago's Gay Man of the Year.

Congratulations, Oscar.

The ceremony is Friday.

We'd like you to give a speech...

...along the lines of what

you said in the paper.

So what do you say? Do you accept?

Of course he accepts.

I haven't done anything

or anyone to deserve this.

Nobody deserves it more.

-Great. We'll be in touch.

-And congratulations again.

This is great. It's perfect.

First of all,

I've already decided you two have the job.

Oscar gives his speech...

...I tell the press

my Supergay Man of the Year...

...and his partner have won.

It's perfect. Then we have

a press conference and....

Would someone tell me

what Amy is doing talking to my wife?

That's your wife?

Let's go.

Darling.

What a surprise. What are you doing here?

The concert got canceled.

You know how temperamental cellists are.

And I've had an interest in this project,

so here I am.

I'd like to introduce you

to Oscar Novak and Peter Steinberg.

Congratulations. Your design is superb.

We were just discussing it.

I'm sorry. This is...

...my girlfriend, Amy.

And, Amy, this is...

...my boss, Charles.

I'm sorry.

Aren't you gay?

Excuse me?

Didn't I read that you were gay?

Well, yes, I am.

Sometimes.

Oscar's omnisexual.

He swings...

...every which way.

If you'll excuse me.

Shouldn't...

...you go after her?

Say something.

That wasn't so bad.

It wasn't?

I knew it might happen eventually

and it did and...

...look at me. I'm still standing.

Good.

I think you're handling this

like a real champ.

Where are we going?

To get really...

...really drunk.

The thing is, she seemed so nice,

you know?

Pleasant and charming.

Didn't you think she was charming?

Maybe she didn't notice

anything was weird.

Maybe she didn't even notice that....

Charles did a good job covering, right?

Right.

So it's probably fine.

I'll pretend it never happened.

It's okay.

I feel much better now.

Let's dance.

We shouldn't....

Come on.

We're gonna dance.

Have you ever kissed a woman before?

Perfect. That is just perfect!

That would be just like me

to fall in love with you.

I have tried every kind of unavailable man.

A gay guy would really

round out my collection.

-I'm losing my mind.

-You're not.

You have been so good to me,

and what do I do? I try to kiss you.

I am so sorry.

Don't be sorry.

It's just that sometimes,

you and I seem so....

I don't know.

Man, I'm such a f***ing mess.

You know what?

I'm just being dramatic.

I'm tired. I'm gonna be fine.

Let's go.

Yeah, well, you certainly look fine.

Listen, I bought this tough-girl routine

for about five seconds.

-What?

-Look at you.

This is killing you. Why are you with him?

What are you talking about? It works.

It works?

-Yeah, it works.

-Come on.

Where's this going?

At least he's straight, for chrissakes!

That's really great.

I get what I need from him.

Well, so does his wife.

Give me one good reason you're with him.

Just one good reason.

In a year and a half,

we haven't had one fight.

He doesn't care about you

enough to fight with you.

God, I can't believe I'm getting grilled

by you of all people!

You haven't had a date since I met you!

You don't know a thing

about relationships!

You just sit around with me

and play it safe!

Well, I don't know about you...

...but I'm getting a little tired

of playing it safe.

So what are you waiting for?

You know, what I have with Charles

may not be perfect...

...but what I have with you is what?

What?

Mr. Novak, you can't....

She hasn't come home. She hasn't called.

So I was thinking

maybe you know where she is.

Do you know where she is?

I'm very disappointed in you.

Excuse me?

You were supposed to watch out for her.

You were supposed to protect her.

Look, I tried. I went after her.

I tried talking to her,

but she was really upset.

She has been gone for two days.

She could be anywhere.

How could you let this happen?

How could you let her get hurt?

That's a very good question.

You might want to try that on yourself.

Because I know

you'd never take that tone...

...with a person who just granted you...

...a $90 million job...

...I'll pretend you didn't say that.

I hope I don't have to embarrass you

by reminding you...

...that no friendship...

...can compare to what Amy...

...and I have.

-Do I make myself clear?

-Yes.

Perfectly.

Thank you.

We'd like to get started...

...by saying a few words

about our organization.

This is our ninth year...

...and we've come a long way

in recognizing gays and lesbians....

You okay? How you doing? Ready to go?

Fine. Got my speech written on cards.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes