Throw Momma from the Train Page #7

and I'm getting glucose four times a day.

I'm getting something down the hall.

- What?

- Anything. I can't take this any more.

Every ten minutes,

it's "Margaret this" and "Margaret that".

I'm sorry. I just can't help it.

Hate's no good. I'm not

living here with you in hate.

Get rid of it altogether, Larry,

or I'm leaving you.

Oh!

Oh, Larry!

Argh!

(static on TV)

(gentle snoring)

His name was Owen...

.. and he wanted me to kill his mother.

When I asked him why,...

.. he said because he didn't like her.

When I asked him why me,...

.. he said it was my idea.

I was teaching college...

(continues typing)

(rings)

- Hello.

- Aloha.

- Owen! How are ya!

- I'm fine.

- Where are you?

- In Topanga Canyon. I just killed Beth.

- What?

- Nah, I'm kiddin'. Look out your window.

You little couch potato!

- Hi, Owen!

- Hi, Larry.

- Owen, come on up.

- OK.

- I missed you.

- I missed you, too. It's been a year.

- Wow. You look terrific.

- Thank you. So do you.

- Well, thanks. How's Momma?

- Dead.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Mm, well...

Did you, um...

No!

No. Natural causes.

- That's good.

- Yeah, well.

- I see you're writing.

- I started the day I got outta the hospital.

And I haven't stopped, Owen. I'm half a

paragraph away from finishing my book!

- That's great!

- Yeah, it's really somethin'.

Well, you know what they say.

(both) A writer writes... always.

Well, look. I won't keep you from it.

- I just came by to say hello and...

- You just got here!

Actually, I gotta catch a plane. I'm goin'

to New York because... I wrote a book.

- What?

- It's gonna be on the stands in two days.

You wrote a book?

And it's gonna be published?

- Yeah.

- Owen, that's unbelievable!

It's called Momma and Owen

and Owen's Friend Larry...

.. and it's all about you and me and

Momma and our experiences together.

What's your book about?

You wrote a book called Momma

and Owen and Owen's Friend Larry?

Yeah.

- It's all about our...

- (both).. experiences together.

- Slut! You slut!

- Are you angry with me?

- I don't like you, Owen!

- You want me to leave?

No, I want you dead and in hell!

(Owen gags)

- I can't breathe!

- Because I'm choking you, you moron!

Here!

Here. I want you to have this.

- What is this?

- That's my book.

- What is this? You wrote a pop-up book?

- Yeah. Yeah.

See? Here's where we meet

in class. Pull that tab.

See? And... And this is you and me

and Beth on the choo-choo.

Toot, toot!

And here's where you meet Momma.

See her cane?

(mimics Momma) "Bath!"

- And these are my coins. See my coins?

- It's your coin collection!

And here's... See, instead of you chuckin'

her off a train, we go on a picnic together.

- What do we do? Devil-egg her to death?

- Oh, no. There's no death.

- There's no death?

- No, this is a kids' book.

- You wrote a pop-up book!

- Yeah.

- This is the cutest thing I've ever seen!

- Yeah, and here's the best part.

We all go on vacation in Hawaii.

You... and me... and Beth.

(Beth) "Hate makes you impotent,

love makes you crazy. "

"Somewhere in between

you can survive. "

- Gets better every time I read it.

- Thank you.

- Except for the last line.

- I beg your goddamn pardon?

Hate makes you impotent, love makes

you crazy. In the middle you can survive?

- Yeah!

- It's cryptic!

- Cryptic, he says.

- That's right. Cryptic.

Cryptic.

Watch this, Beth. Have you ever seen

a weeble snorkel? Look at him.

You know, actually,

I find it a little confusing.

- Are you kidding me?!

- Just that last line.

- Just the last line!

- Yeah.

This is great. So you

and Sancho Panza agree on this?

You're taking criticism from somebody

who had his book signing at Toys 'R' Us!

I don't believe this.

- You're really agreeing with him?

- He's got a point.

- He's got a point?!

- Yeah!

I'm a Book-of-the-Month Club alternate,

on the best-seller list.

With his book, you get a free balloon!

I don't understand it.

- (Beth) He's entitled to his opinion.

- I know he's entitled to his opinion.

But look at him. He's a buoy with hair.

Keep going a little further, Owen.

Maybe somebody'll harpoon you.

("Shikisha" by Sipho Mabuse)

People, get ready

Wherever you are

People, get ready

No matter how far

Everywhere in the village

People are dancing in the streets

It's the beginning of the new life

You can turn it up on your radio

Shikisha

Shikisha, wah, Shikisha

Shikisha

Shikisha, wah, Shikisha

People are dancing in the streets

Right across the Limpopo

It's the beginning of the new age

So turn it up on your radio

Stomp your feet to the beat

Feel the heat

Stomp your feet to the beat

Feel the heat

Stomp your feet to the beat

Feel the heat

Stomp your feet to the beat

Feel the heat

Wah, Shikisha

Shikisha!

Stomp your feet

Stomp your feet

Stomp your feet

Stomp your feet

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